Vampires: The Turning (2005)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

I recently got digital cable. With digital cable came On Demand. One of the great things of On Demand is that they have a selection of free movies. Some of the free selections are pretty good, depending on your taste in movies. I’ve found that most aren’t particularly memorable. Take, for example, Vampires: The Turning. I took a look at the description and saw to things: Vampires and Thailand. So, I’m thinking hot Asian vampires. It turned out that there was only one female vampire and, while she was pretty hot, that alone wasn’t enough to make up for the rest of the movie.

The story begins with two American tourists, Connor and Amanda, watching a fight. He’s way more interested in it than she is, mostly because he studied the form of martial arts that they’re using. She walks out and gets lost in a crowd. He follows her, but can’t find her. It’s not long before a stranger finds the lost woman and ‘offers’ to help her back to her hotel. Turns out he’s a vampire and Connor arrives just in time to see Amanda as an unconscious passenger on his bike.

One of the guy’s cronies tries to kill Connor, but a mysterious man slays the vampire crony and warns Connor to go home. Don’t bother trying to rescue Amanda, as she’s as good as dead. Don’t go to the police, either, since they won’t do anything. Oh, and if Connor follows the mystery man, he’s as good as dead too. So, what does Connor do? Of course, he follows the guy and then goes to the police. Once the police officer hears what Connor has to say, he tells Connor to wait 48 hours before filing a missing persons report.

Connor goes back to the mystery guy’s place tog find a whole hive of vampires, led by the aforementioned hot Asian vampire. Rather that cower in fear, he teams up with them to get his girlfriend back. There’s a possibility that she’s still alive and if she’s still alive, there’s a possibility of getting her back, even if she’s turned.

It all stems from Sang, the female vampire. 800 years ago, she bit someone in rage and that person turned, or became a vampire. From that one bite, all of the evil vampires (and good ones, too) descended. The original bite was during a special eclipse, which apparently means that if she exposes herself to the same eclipse, she dies and all the remaining vampires go back to being mortal again. Connor gets the idea to become a vampire so he has a decent chance of kicking some vampire butt. If he’s successful, he’ll become mortal again. With an attitude like that, how can you lose?

If you’re like me and like vampire movies, I wouldn’t recommend paying money to see it. Free was just about the right price. Most of the movie was about the fighting. The script was pretty bad, there was no real suspense and the acting was just above par, assuming you’re not expecting too much.

Aside from the fighting, the only reason to watch vampire movies is the women. There is something very erotic about watching a women get bitten and/or turn. As I said, there was one who was very attractive, but she was already a vampire. The other wasn’t as attractive, but I did enjoy seeing her get bitten.

Supposedly, this was the third in a series, but the movie didn’t seem like a sequel. It seemed like a self-contained story and I didn’t get any sense that I was supposed to know something. I might see if I can get the other two movies for free and see if they make sense in the context of this movie. From what I’ve read and heard, this is simply the third movie to use Vampires as the main title.

This movie is two-star material, and I only say that because I do like vampire movies. It was only 84 minutes, which wasn’t too bad. It didn’t drag at all. If you happen to get this movie free on demand, go for it. If not, don’t bother looking for it in the video rental place. 

IMDb page

Final Destination (2000)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

I had originally planned to see this movie when it first came out, but when I got to the theater, I found out that the listings in the paper were wrong and the movie had been playing for a little while. I didn’t get around to watching the movie until recently, when I rented the movie from NetFlix.

It’s an interesting premise. Devon Sawa plays Alex, a student on his way to France with a class trip. Somehow, he’s allowed to see the plane crashing. He and several other people (including two teachers) leave the plane. One teacher gets back on while the other stays with the six students, agreeing to catch the next plane out. As they’re arguing about what went on, the plane actually blows up, as per Alex’s vision.

Understandably, Alex gets the attention of the FBI, but since there’s no real evidence that Alex did anything, they have to let him go. Of the other six people that he saved, very few seem to be appreciative. The teacher is flat out scared of him now. A friend of his wants to remain friends, but has parents that aren’t as understanding. That’s a heck of a way to treat someone who saved your life.

Over a month goes by without incident. Then, the seven people start dying. Is there some sort of master plan? Alex seems to think so. He notices certain coincidences, such as the fact that the people are dying in the order that they would have had they stayed on the plane. Then again, it’s possible that he’s reading too much into it.

It wasn’t a great movie, but I wouldn’t recommend avoiding it, either. It’s just one of those movies where there are a lot of questions. For instance, why allow Alex to see Death’s plan? Once that happened, why wait over a month to start killing the people? Are we to believe that Death was bored? The thing is that before the other survivors are killed, Alex is given new premonitions, meaning that he’s being given the chance to save them again.

The movie was a little slow to start, but I eventually got into it. I was actually debating whether or not to just send it back without watching it. I can’t say that it’s my favorite movie, but it was worth watching. I have to admit that Tony Todd was perfectly cast as the mortician. Also, I noticed that Devon Sawa bears some resemblance to Anthony Michael Hall of The Dead Zone, another show where premonitions play a big part. (Any resemblance is purely coincidental since the TV series had yet to premiere when this movie was released.)

The movie is worth three and a half stars, but I’m rounding up, mostly because it was just an interesting movie. If you’re looking for something to watch and not really think about too much, this is your movie. If you’re looking for something with a little more substance, you might want to look elsewhere. I’m actually debating over whether or not to get the sequel. 

IMDb page

Hail, Caesar! (2016)

It seems like there’s always some major celebrity event going on.  There are divorces, arrests, tyrades, feuds and all manner of other things to fill the magazines and tabloids.  This isn’t to say that all of it is true, but there is the ever present celebrity gossip/news.   Growing up, I asked my mother why it seemed like stars from her childhood didn’t seem to have any scandals.  Did celebrities not have affairs when she was my age?  Did they simply not make it into the history books?  The truth was that studios had people like Eddie Mannix.

Eddie Mannix is head of physical production for Capitol Studios.  He deals primarily with damage control.  The movie is set in 1951 and Capitol is making a movie called Hail, Caesar of all things.  Hail, Caesar stars Baird Whitlock, played by George Clooney.  Whitlock isn’t that bright.  He can act alright, but he manages to get himself kidnapped very easily by a group of Communists calling themselves The Future.

When Whitlock wakes up, he starts to hang out with The Future not realizing that they’re asking for $100,000 in ransom.  Mannix not only has to deal with the ransom demand, but he has to contend with competing gossip columnists Thora and Thessaly Thacker.  (It doesn’t help that they’re twins.)  Add to this a pregnant actress who doesn’t seem to be in any rush to marry the father.  His solution is to have her put the child into foster care so that she can adopt the child without public finding out she‘s the mother.  Oh, and there’s the Western star, Hobie Doyle, who’s forced by the studio to star in a period piece.   Doyle has no business being in a period piece and everyone knows it, but it’s what the studio wants.  This makes an offer from Lockheed very appealing, as he’d be done with all of the stress.

I was able to watch the movie on a flight back to Miami a few weeks ago.  I kind of wish that my parents had watched it, as well, because I suspect that a lot of the context is lost on me.  Apparently, there was an actual Eddie Mannix who worked for MGM.  It appears that the similarities are tenuous, but most of the characters do seem to have real-life counterparts.  The real Mannix did try to cover up a pregnancy of an actual star.  Many of the problems that he had to deal with actually did happen to someone, at least on a superficial level.

A good deal of the context was lost on me, as I grew up in the 1980s.  This isn’t to say the movie can’t be enjoyed by younger audiences.  It’s just that I don’t think Westerns have ever been really big in my lifetime, at least in the sense that they were big for my parents when they were growing up.  There are many one-off scenes that mirror actual scenes in movies or pay tribute to a particular style of film.  I don’t think there are any similar styles in production today.

I wish I had someone to discuss this with, particularly someone who knows more about that era.  I don’t know how much was lost on me, exactly, or how it would have affected watching the movie had I known more.  The movie was still entertaining to me.  It was fun watching Josh Brolin and George Clooney play their respective roles.  I also caught a few cameos from actors like Jonah Hill and Robert Picardo.  (I know.  I can’t help but point out Trek actors in non-Trek roles.)    The fact that it was set in 1951 didn’t bother me at all.  I do wonder, though, what the present day will look like in movies sixty years from now.

IMDb page

Meatball Machine (2005)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

Every so often, Epinions has a promotion with first reviews.  Every so often, I feel the need to watch a movie few others can sit through.  What do you get when you put these two things together?  You get a review for Meatball Machine.  The movie is 93 minutes long.  Ten minutes in, I thought of shutting it off.  Twenty minutes in, I couldn’t believe that I still had an hour to go.  After that, it started to pick up, but that’s not saying much.

The movie starts with someone hunting down aliens to kill them.  Not much is explained about who he is or why he’s doing this.  He is, however, dragging his daughter along for the ride.  We also have Yoji, a factory worker who doesn’t seem to hang out much with his boss and coworkers.  He does like to sit and sneak peeks of Sachiko, a woman who works next door.   After work one day, his neighbor walks in on him while he‘s practicing a little self love.

The action begins maybe ten minutes later when Yoji is visiting an adult theater.  Someone sits down next to him.  We soon realize that this someone is a transvestite.  Yoji keeps rejecting his advances until he has to walk out of the theater to get away.  The transvestite takes offense and beats the crap out of Yoji.  While Yoji is recovering, something drips on him.  He looks up to find an alien, which he takes home so he can study it further.

As he’s walking home from a prostitute his roommate hired for him, he finds someone trying to rape a woman.  Turns out that the woman is Sachiko and the man is his boss.  He tries to fight his boss, but once again gets the crap beaten out of him.  The boss walks away, leaving Sachiko to walk Yoji home.  Bare in mind that this is all within the first half hour of the movie.  We still have an hour to go.

When they get back to his place, Sachiko and Yoji admit that they’ve both been checking each other out.  He starts to undress her, but she reveals that she has a scar on her chest and that her father put it there.  As she’s recounting this, the lights start to flicker and the alien comes to life and attaches itself to her.  Once again, Yoji gets the crap beaten out of him.  When the neighbor walks in on them, Sachiko kills him violently.

When Yoji wakes up, he finds himself in a strange apartment.  The guy from the beginning is there with his daughter.  His daughter has one of the aliens on her neck.  The father explains that the aliens are parasites that use a host body to fight.  The winner literally eats the loser.  He explains about how the parasite can make the host feel all the pain and can even use the host’s memories.  How he knows this, I’m not sure.

The important thing here is that he’s breeding the things.  He infects Yoji with one so that the parasite will grow to maturity.  The father has been feeding the things to his daughter so that he can keep her alive.  Yoji is able to keep the parasite from taking full control, but still ends up killing the father.  He walks out in search of Sachiko, leaving the daughter alone.

What follows is about an hour of the weirdest fight scenes you’ve ever seen.  The parasites have the ability to ‘mutate organs’ into whatever they want, as the father put it.  Yoji ends up with an ‘enhanced’ hand covered in what looks like Styrofoam.  I should warn you that this is in no way a movie for children.  It’s not even a movie meant for most adults.

In one scene early on, a young boy is attacked and taken over by one of the aliens.  The boy is then hit and brutally killed by a car.  The car’s driver is then taken over by the alien.  You don’t see the actual impact, but you see a hand and part of the arm hit the ground as well as the shoes with feet and parts of the legs still in them.  In the scene where Sachiko is being taken over, the alien has a tentacle essentially rape her.  Again, you don’t see the actual penetration, but we get the moaning to let us know exactly what’s happening.

This is probably on par with the worst movies I’ve seen, at least in terms of production values.  We’re talking Abraxis: Guardian of the Universe/Future War bad.  The movie looks like it was shot on a home camcorder.  The acting was at least decent.  The actors are listed in other movies on IMDb, but not having seen many of the movies, I can’t say how good they are.  (Interestingly, Issei Takahashi, who played Yoji, was in the Japanese cast of Whisper of the Heart and Kill Bill, Volumes 1 and 2, all of which I liked.)

This is one of those cases where it’s hard to say where the movie went wrong.  More money probably would have helped the production values.  However, as with Abraxis, big names and some money aren’t necessarily the answer.  It’s possible to have the best talent, the best story and heaps of money and still not come out with a  good product.  At least with this movie, there is potential.  Clean up the writing a little and get a decent camera and you could have something.

Most of it is that the first twenty minutes are so hard to watch.  I think a lot of people watching this movie will shut it off before it gets interesting.  For those that make it, you do get hooked and keep watching.  By the time you get to the scene where Yoji is taken over, I actually wanted to see how it ended.  On that note, I spent the entire movie wondering where Meatball Machine came from.  (Having seen the ending, I’m still wondering.)

This is one of those movies I’m not sure if I can recommend.  I’m not giving it many stars, but that’s not to say it’s not worth watching.  I don’t know that I can recommend paying money for the movie unless you’re really in to bad movies.  I was able to watch this through Netflix’s Web site, which means that I didn’t have to wait for it to come in the mail or pay anything extra for it.  In fact, the only reason I found this movie was that I was looking through Netflix’s selection of movies I could stream to find something that hadn’t been reviewed on Epinions yet.  (I have two other selections bookmarked.)

If it comes on a movie channel (not a broadcast network) and you can watch it uncensored, go for it.  I think if they removed the adult aspect of it, it would take too much away from the movie.  Just make sure the kids aren’t around. 

AT&T ATT-982 2 Lines Corded Phone

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

Last year, it came time to replace the four phones we had at work. We had five lines, but the decision was made to go down to two lines. (It was pretty rare that a third line was ever used unless several people were calling out.) When we got the phones, we set them up pretty easily. I have to say that I haven’t really thought much about them since, and I mean that in a good way.

Knowing that I was possibly going to review these phones, I took it upon myself to learn as much as possible about them. Yes, I know. It’s a phone. How much could I learn from the manual? One of the few things that I did learn was that you need to pay for two lines to be able to use the two-line functionality. (The phone won’t split one line into two.)

The phone has a 24-number speed-dial memory capacity. I decided to program the phone myself, starting with my cell phone and the cell phones of several other employees and several other stores in the area. (Before you accuse me of being egocentric, I needed a way to test my ability without bothering anyone else.)

The speed dial uses 13 buttons. Twelve are assigned two numbers each; the thirteenth is used to select the lower of the two numbers. For instance, if you want the first number, you press the first speed-dial button. (For the second number, you press the thirteenth button, and then the first speed-dial button.) Having read the manual, I knew how to do this. However, it’s not always apparent to someone who hasn’t read it. Most of my coworkers don’t bother using it, especially considering that they already have many of the important phone numbers memorized.

The phone even comes with a piece of paper that you can put on the button area of the phone to label the different buttons, which is pretty common. However, we only got one per phone. I don’t know what you’re supposed to do if you have to reprogram the phone more than three times. Also, they’re not adhesive; we had to tape one of them to the phone because it kept falling off.

Now that I’ve spent three paragraphs on the speed dial, let’s go back to the two-line functionality. One of the things I like about the phone is that each line has a different pitch. If a call is coming in on Line 1, you get a lower pitch than if it’s coming in on Line 2. You wouldn’t think that this is useful, but it is. It makes it easier to tell if the first line is in use. (Since both lines have a separate phone number, it is possible that Line 2 might ring first, but it’s pretty rare.)

Each line gets its own button, letting you select that line. Above each button are two LED lights. One is green and flashes if someone is calling. The other is red and lets you know if that line is engaged. If you put a call on hold, the phone that put that call on hold will have a blinking red light for that line. (All of the other phones will still have the solid red light.)

The only other feature that I want to mention is the speakerphone. It’s useable, but it’s not great. We’ve used it a few times and have had to shout into it to get the other person to hear us, even though we could hear them fine. It’s best for when you have to call out or are put on hold for a long time.

This is a four-star phone. It’s not incredible, but it does get the job done. We haven’t had any major problems with it, unlike the phones that they replaced. Ultimately, it’s a phone. You need something that’s not going to drop your calls or give you too much static. As long as it works, everyone is happy. There are several other features, such as a data port and a place to plug a head set in, but we don’t really use these. I also recommend hanging on to the instruction manual. As easy as everything is, you may need a reference later.

Synchronicity (2015)

You can go a lot of different ways with time-travel stories.  You can have something complicated, like Primer.  Primer has so many timelines and days redone that it gets difficult to keep track of.  Then, you have some stories that are just one timeline.  Predestination is a story that’s told out of order and it’s up to the audience to figure out what it’s all about.  Similarly, Timecrimes is a story that’s retold several times, giving us more information as we go along.

Synchronicity seems to strive for a balance between the two.  It starts with a time-travel experiment that’s trying to get funding   Jim, Chuck and Matt are the scientists.  Klaus Meisner is the only potential source of an expensive material they need.  If the scientists can open a wormhole and  a signal comes through the wormhole, Meisner will know that it worked, thus providing the material that will eventually produce the other side of the wormhole and the  signal.  (Yes, it’s a bootstrap paradox at its simplest.)

Oh, I should also mention that things go sideways when physical objects come through the wormhole.  It proves that it’s viable, but what does it mean that someone seems to have come through and a plant mysteriously appeared in the lab?  The other end of the wormhole won’t be opened for a few days, giving everyone a chance to go crazy.

The conflict comes in that the scientists are interested in contributing to humanity’s scientific understanding while Meisner is interested in furthering the advancement of his bank account.  Meisner is apathetic towards most other aspects of the project.  Jim just wants to know what actually happened.  This leads Jim to make some questionable decisions, like potentially giving up his company.  It doesn’t help that Jim is having strange headaches.  Add to this Abby, a rather attractive woman that may be a little too involved in what‘s going on.  It’s enough to make someone paranoid.

This isn’t a light and fluffy movie.  The movie’s not overly heavy on sex and other adult themes, but I don’t think it’s a movie for children.  There are things that children either would miss entirely or possibly get a little freaked out over.  Those that have seen Blade Runner will probably see similarities in the aesthetics.  The director seems to have borrowed heavily from Blade Runner’s overall mood and/or soundtrack.

It’s also the kind of movie that might be too complicated for some.  I hate saying that you have to pay attention, as it sometimes feels like I’m saying you have to be smart.  However, it’s usually more in the sense that you really can’t be doing something else at the time.  There are all sorts of clues as to what’s going on that might be missed if you’re distracted.  As they say, the devil is in the detail.

IMDb page

Cosmopolitan Magazine

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.



One day, I received a Cosmopolitan magazine in the mail.  This concerned me primarily because I didn’t order a subscription.  I was worried that someone was pulling a prank by subscribing me to as many magazines as they could get the card for, but I couldn’t think of anyone that I could have offended that badly.  I had thought that maybe it was something through work, but my supervisor didn’t know anything about free subscriptions.

This left me with the question of how, so I posted what had happened to Facebook.  As near as anyone can tell, Hearst must have gotten my name and address and given me a free subscription.  Apparently, postage is so cheap that it doesn’t take many subscriptions to make their money back.  As an adult male, I’m not really in their target demographic.  I’m thinking that they may have gotten my address from CVS, since my mother uses my loyalty card to buy cosmetics there.  Either way, I was able to go online and verify that the subscription had been paid for until December.

As long as I didn’t get a bill, I wasn’t going to complain.  I had always wondered what was in Cosmo.  You’ve probably seen the headlines:  “212 Things Guys Don’t Know They Should Tell You In Bed” or “689 Things Guys are Thinking About When They‘re Not With You”.  Was the information really that useful?  In a word, No.  (Well, not to me at least.)

I actually looked through a few of the magazines.  Many of the articles seem to be about image and/or sex.  One article had advice on applying makeup.  One section was called “The Total Sex Bomb” while another was “The Faux Natural”.  Really?  This is what women are trying to go for these days?  Why not just call it “The Total Slut”?

There’s a quote from Jean-Paul Sartre, “Hell is other people.”  Having worked in retail, I initially assumed that it meant that hell was having to deal with other people, but from what I’ve read, it has more to do with how we think other people perceive us.  Cosmo seems to feed into that.  I would actually be more likely to date a woman who realizes that she doesn’t need a magazine like Cosmo and has the confidence to be herself.

Yes, image is important, but you don’t need an entire magazine devoted to it.  Consider that there was an article in one issue (I don’t know if it’s a recurring column” on how to deal with unsolicited advice, like family members that criticize your lipstick or parents that think you should tan more.  There’s another article on make-up sex.

Mostly, the magazine is advertising, which should come as no surprise.  Most of the ads deal with image and/or sex.  The fact that you can get a perfume-free subscription should tell you something.  If you’re still wondering how bad it is, you can go to their website and see some articles.

Kiss of the Damned (2012)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.


I’ve always liked fangs on a woman.  Make a vampire movie, put a couple of attractive women on the cover and I’ll probably watch it.  If Netflix has it streaming, as in the case with Kiss of the Damned, I’ll almost certainly get around to it.

The movie starts out with a man (Paolo) and a woman (Djuna) meeting each other.  He’s attracted to her and she seems to like him, but she has a secret.  It’s a condition that prevents her from going out in daylight, which is why she has to rent movies at night.  Ok.  Her ‘condition’ is that she’s a vampire.  She’s hesitant to get involved with him, but relents.  He’s kind of persistent.  Even after she bits him, he has to come back.  She eventually turns him.

Djuna tells Paolo that, aside from sunlight, fire and beheading don’t end well for vampires.  This means that they have to stay indoors and be careful what they do, as vampires don’t really want to draw attention to themselves.  The bad news is that Djuna has a sister, Mimi.  Mimi doesn’t seem to care as much for the rules.  She’ll kill indiscriminately.  Paolo tries to get along with Mimi, but comes to realize why Djuna isn’t happy about having to spend a week with her.

The local vampire community welcomes Paolo.  It’s led by Xenia, who’s an actress.  She makes sure everyone has a place to stay and handles problems.  She’s hesitant to do anything about Mimi, though, as there’s direct no proof that she’s a danger.  She is, though.  Whenever a human comes near her, we know it’s not going to end well for the human.

Mimi is the ultimate corruptor.  She tempts Xenia.  She seduces Paolo.  She will kill any human that gets within three feet of her and has no regard for the vampire community.  She is not a sympathetic character.  If anything, you identify more with Djuna, who has to put up with her for a week.  I’ve come to realize why some antagonists get away with what they do.  Even when you have a character as bad as Mimi, it’s not always satisfying to see them meet their end.  In this case, not so much.  You do cheer a little to see Mimi hurt.

On that note, this is not a movie for children.  There is a lot of sex, nudity, violence and gore.  I don’t think this would be appropriate for younger audiences.  Paolo is turned early in the movie.  He and Djuna feed on animals.  After all, this is an R-rated vampire movie.  You have to expect something that you wouldn’t want your kids watching.

If you have Netflix streaming, look into watching this.  It’s even worth renting on DVD.  Just don’t let the kids watch it. 

IMDb page

Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

There are some movies that I would never consider getting in a million years. Kingdom of Heaven is one such movie. However, my mother rented it one night figuring that I might like it. I figured that at the very least, I’d get a review out of it, so here it is.

The movie starts out with Orlando Bloom as Balian. He’s a blacksmith in a town that doesn’t really seem to care much for him, but he makes a living. At the very beginning of the movie, we see his wife being buried after committing suicide after the death of their child. As she’s being buried, a group of warriors is coming into town. Balian’s father, Godfrey of Ibelin, is the leader of this group. (Godfrey is played by Liam Neeson.)

Godfrey tells Balian who he is and offers him the opportunity to come to Jerusalem. Balian initially refuses, but reconsiders after killing the local priest. He figures that Jerusalem is a holy city (actually, the holy city) and would make a great place for a new start. Unfortunately, he inherits a whole new bunch of problems.

Balian is actually put in charge of the city’s defense when it comes under attack from a Muslim army, which vastly outnumbers his troops. To boot, what forces Balian does have has very little training and Balian has pretty much no command experience. Still, he manages to do pretty well. I won’t say how well for fear of spoiling the movie for you.

The only real problem that I had with this movie is that it was hard to form any attachment to it. There weren’t really any characters that I loved or hated. Sure, I liked many of the characters. But Balian wasn’t a great character. He was just someone who happened to be in the wrong place at the right time. (Or is that the right place at the wrong time?)

Then, you’ve got the leader of the Muslim army, Saladin. Yeah, he’s supposed to be the antagonist, but I can’t really bring myself to call him the bad guy. He does have legitimate reasons for being upset.

There also weren’t any major events. Most movies have some sort of suspenseful battle or major turning points. This was just a series of choices and/or random events that let to Balian’s being put into power. All Balian wanted was a new life. Lily Tomlin was once quoted as saying, “When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have

been more specific.” That’s the story of Balian’s journey through the movie.

Mostly for that reason, I have to give the movie three stars. The movie starts off pretty good, but doesn’t really go anywhere, specifically. It’s a nice movie if it comes on TV, but I wouldn’t bother to pay money to rent it.

IMDb page

Dragon Hunters (2008)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.


Every so often, I like to watch movies.  I have a preference for animated movies.  When I saw Dragon Hunters, I thought it was How to Train Your Dragon and recorded it.  It wasn’t until months later, when I wanted to watch the movie, that I realized my mistake.  This doesn’t mean that I was disappointed.  (I’ll just have to keep scanning the various Encore movie channels and hope that How to Train Your Dragon comes on.)

Dragon Hunters was released in 2008 and, like How to Train Your Dragon, is animated.  As you might expect, it’s not about hunting dragons.  Instead, it’s about Lian-Chu, who hunts dragons, and Gwizdo, who tends to handle things like getting paid for dispatching dragons.  Along for the ride Hector, a little dog-like thing that can make fire come from something other than his mouth.

Now, when the movie says dragons, it apparently means a wide variety of creatures.  The movie starts with Lian-Chu fighting something that looks more like a giant caterpillar.  It takes him a while, but he is able to kill the creature.  When Gwizdo tries to collect payment, their clients try to back out.  It isn’t until Hector does his thing that they run away in fear.  Alas, poor Lian-Chu isn’t taken seriously enough.

As luck would have it, though, they happen upon Lord Arthur, who’s predicting the return of the World Gobbler.  He’s willing to pay a large amount of gold if they can get the job done.  Gwizdo is even able to secure an advance, which he intends to just take while disregarding their mission.  Lian-Chu, on the other hand, wants to fight the dragon.  He has dreams of living on a farm one day and the reward would go a long way to helping.  The only complication is Zoe, the Lord’s niece.  She idolizes a fictional dragon hunter and hopes to become one some day.

The movie is 80 minutes and most of that is their journey from the castle to the end of the world, where the World Gobbler is doing his thing.  What the movie lacks in plot, it makes up for in great animation.  This is one of the few movies where I think it might be worth it to see it on a better TV set.  I’m sorry that I didn’t see this in theaters.

I don’t think that this movie will win a lot of fans for animated movies.  It’s set in a medieval-looking world with some very interesting physics.  There are islands that float in the air, where people can hop on and go for a ride.  They range from small islands, big enough for a few people, to very large islands, containing parts of castles.  There are even spheroid islands that have their own gravity pointing towards the center.  (People and other objects seem to be of normal weight.)

One big complaint I’ve seen is a lack of plot, which I can’t argue with.  There are maybe a dozen or so people shown throughout the entire movie.  It was also a little confusing at times.  It might make more sense on a second viewing.  I think most of the problem is that it’s based on a TV series and may have been condensed quite a bit.  I’d like to look into renting the TV series, partly to see if this is true, but mostly because I liked the movie that much.

For the most part, it’s relatively kid-friendly.  The only thing I could see being scary is the World Gobbler, which is a giant undead dragon.  The scene is only a few minutes long, but small children may have issues.  It should be safe for teenagers and above, though.

As for the rest of the characters, they tend to have an exaggerated look.  If you can see the cover art, you should get a good idea of what I mean.  Lian-Chu is very big and top-heavy.  Hector is very hyperactive and bounces around a lot.  For those that like animation, I’d definitely recommend this movie.  For those that aren’t, all I can say is to go in with an open mind. 

IMDb page

Pee-wee's Big Holiday (2016)

It seems that history repeats itself.  That seems to be the case with movies these days.  There’s a new cycle of rebooted Star Trek movies.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are getting new movies.  There’s even a new Ghostbusters movie.  Netflix decided to get into the game with a new Pee-Wee Herman movie.  Yes, that Pee-Wee Herman, the childlike alter ego of Paul Reubens that started as a stage act in the early 1980s.  (Reubens is in his 60s now, even if Pee-Wee is forever young.)

The story is similar to Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure.  Instead of a stolen bike, Pee-Wee is set off on his adventure after meeting Joe Manganiello.  Joe shows up in the diner where Pee-Wee works.  After becoming best of friends, Joe invites Pee-Wee to his birthday party in New York.  There’s just one problem:  Pee-Wee has no interest in leaving Fairville.  Joe leaves Pee-Wee to reconsider, which Pee-Wee does.  He sets out on a trip that takes a lot of unexpected turns.  He meets several interesting characters along the way.  The journey may not have gone to plan, but Pee-Wee ends up where he needs to be.

It’s strange how some movies or songs will always be enjoyable to some people while other people will have no use for them.  It seems like most of the people I know love Pee-Wee Herman or could do without him.  When I told my parents about the new movie, they weren’t all that excited, but I know that there are a lot of fans that won’t be disappointed.   Even if the movie is similar, it’s fun for me to see the character again.  Paul Reubens will forever be known for this character and still manages to play him well.  Throughout the movie, I was rooting for Pee-Wee to make it to New York.

The only real downside to the movie is that, so far as I know, you have to have (or know someone who has) Netflix to watch it.  I’m not sure if there were any plans to continue the franchise or if this was a one-off deal.   Wikipedia mentions some projects that may happen, but I don’t see anything new for the character on IMDb.  I don’t know if anyone will be signing up for Netflix just for this movie, but if you do, tell them Large Marge sent you.

IMDb page

Paradox (2016)

It’s hard enough defending a group from a gunman.  It’s worse when the gunman may be part of said group.  Add to that the realization that you might be the gunman and you have Paradox.

The movie starts with someone calling his boss to warn him not to come in to work.  He’s then gunned down.  We then see two government agents staking out a building.  One is telling the other who all the major players are.  Mr. Landau is the guy running Project 880.  On his team are Jim, William, Randy, Lewis and Gale.  Jim ends up being the one to go an hour into the future.

Once there, Jim finds the self-destruct sequence has been activated.  Everyone he sees is dead or dying.  Oh, and there’s the gunman on the loose.  Jim manages to take a video camera back with him, but the video gets corrupted on the trip back, making it almost useless.  So, two options present themselves.  The group can try to change the future by working on the video or they can accept their fate and die.  Oh, and someone might be a turncoat for the government.

This is one of those movies I stumbled upon while browsing Netflix.  Given the TV-MA rating, I’m assuming this was a made-for-TV movie.  The acting was pretty good, as were the effects.  I feel like it’s the writers that could have done better. The entire time-travel angle seems like just another plot device.  Jim tells everyone they’re going to die and has to watch them get hurt one by one.  Some people feel like changing the timeline might be a bad idea, but they can all agree that letting themselves be murdered sounds like a bad idea, too.

It ends up being a way of making us wonder who it could be.  Since it could be anyone, the killer can be in two places at once.  All of the characters can’t really claim innocence since they don’t know if they’re going to become the killer.  Instead of using this to make the story interesting, it ends up becoming a run-through of all the clichés you’d expect to find in a time-travel movie.  When it’s revealed who the killer is, we get to see a series of you-are-me arguments.  The future version of the character knows what the past version of the character was thinking, implying that there’s no choice in what’s going to happen.

We also find out that several people came from the future to capitalize on knowledge of the stock market and build the time machine, thus leading to a bootstrap paradox.  Did someone really invent time travel or did someone bring the basics back with them?

With movies like Time Lapse and Timecrimes, we see that time travel can be used to further the story and provide something to think about.  Here, it’s just something to move the story along.  The whole thing seems like an exercise in futility.


IMDb page

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

There’s something that I like about an epic tale.  I had known of The Chronicles of Narnia as books since I was a child, but I never read any of them.  When the first movie came out, I eventually rented it on DVD.  I decided that I liked it enough to want to see subsequent movies as they came out.  When this movie came out, I wasn’t able to see it in theaters, but was able to rent it from NetFlix.

The movie starts out in Narnia with a Telmarine (human) Prince Caspian being told that his aunt has given birth to a male child and that Caspian’s uncle (King Miraz) will now kill him so that Caspian’s cousin might become king.  Caspian is able to escape, but hits a branch shortly thereafter and falls off his horse.  He’s rescued by two dwarves and a badger.  As they’re distracting the search party sent to get Caspian, Caspian blows a horn to summon help.

A year has passed on Earth since the first movie.  The four Pevensie children (Edmund, Peter, Lucy and Susan) are on a subway platform going to their boarding school.  They’ve had to adjust to being children again.  (In the first movie, they had grown to adults in Narnia, but became their younger selves upon returning home.)  Shortly after getting on a train, everything breaks apart and is blown away.  They find themselves in Narnia again, where 1,300 years have passed.

They come upon some ruins and realize that it was the castle that they had used in the previous movie.  Much of the rest of Narnia has met a similar fate.  In the intervening 1,300 years, humans have taken over Narnia and have pretty much ruined everything.  Most of the nonhumans have been wiped out.  Those that remain fear for their lives.  Some of the animals have even forgotten how to talk.  The children find that they have to fight for Narnia once again.

It’s a fairly complex plot.  When they rescue a dwarf, he explains to the siblings what has happened since the first movie and leads in to the rest of the movie.  Once again, the four siblings are fighting for Narnia, but they have another human on their side and the help of a lot more animals and mythical creatures.

Some of the movie won’t make sense if you haven’t seen the first movie, The Chronicles of Narnia:  The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.  You’ll be able to follow most of it, but you may not understand some of the references and history behind some of the comments.  If you haven’t seen either yet, I’d recommend watching them in order of release.

The movies are based on a series of books.  Not having read them, I’m not sure how closely this movie follows the source material.  From what I understand, C. S. Lewis put Christian themes into the movies among others.  (Lucy has a strong belief that the lion, Aslan, will return despite not having evidence on her side.)

Overall, the movie was entertaining.  There were a few battle scenes, which shouldn’t come as a surprise if you’ve seen the first movie.  (For those that have seen the first movie, I don’t think that much of what I’ve said or what you’d see should be a surprise.)  I could deal with the religious aspects since they weren’t really overbearing.

The third movie, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, has already been released with the rest of the books set for future dates.  I’d be interested in seeing The Voyage of the Dawn Treader if I can get it on DVD. 

IMDb page

 

Primer (2004)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

I like science-fiction stories because of the possibilities that they open. This is especially true of time-travel movies. The problem with time travel is that it can be very easy to lose the audience. Pile on too much jargon and techno babble and you almost need a degree to follow along. Make it too simple and people lose interest. I’m not saying it’s impossible to write a good time travel story. It’s just that you have to do it right.

Shane Carruth wrote, directed and starred in Primer, which is a story about two guys that accidentally create a time machine. They’re part of a group of four guys working out of a garage on various projects. The project that they’re currently working on is an alternate source of energy. They spend their days working at ‘regular’ jobs and evenings tinkering with stuff, hoping to make something that’s marketable.

When an item placed in the chamber of the device grows some sort of fungus, they realize something’s amiss. It isn’t until one of them takes it to a lab that they realize that something’s really amiss. There’s way more fungus on it than should have accumulated in a short period of time. We’re talking several months’ worth in a few minutes. It doesn’t take long for them to realize that they have a time machine. If only they could make it bigger…

So, they make bigger boxes and rent some storage space. The primary limitation on the time machine is that it has to be on the entire time you’re in there. This means that you can’t go back to a time before you last turned it on. Not a big deal, since the two guys want to use the device to make money in the stock market using the ultimate in insider information.

They both agree to avoid themselves for fear of really screwing things up. It’s bad enough just going back in time. They have no idea what would happen if they met themselves. However, it is an interesting concept for them to ponder. What would it be like to do something you’ve always wanted to do, but were afraid to do? Could you, say, hit your boss, then go back and tell yourself not to do it?  They don’t do it literally, but they do go back and try to change major events, such as a party where someone gets shot.

Things get really strange when it’s revealed that they have a fail-safe machine. One of the guys built a machine that he just left running in another storage unit the whole time. This way, they could go back and undo everything in case things got botched beyond belief. This means that he thought of changing major events the whole time. It’s basically an escape clause of sorts. That’s where the movie got a little strange. They do go back in time to the beginning. One wants to stop them from inventing the machine while the other’s not so sure.

I don’t want to give away the ending, partly because I don’t fully understand it. By the time the movie was over, so much had happened that I couldn’t follow it all. The movie packed in a lot of story for just 80 minutes. I think that’s where the movie fails. It tries to tell a fairly complicated story in a short time frame. I was paying attention to the movie and I am technically inclined, relatively speaking. I still had a hard time making sense of the movie.

It’s not that the movie tries to hit you over the head with the science or math. It’s just that the two main characters go from trying to get alternate energy to time travel. Then, they go from the stock market to saving people. In the middle of the movie, they realize that someone else has used the machine to go back in time, but they’re not sure what the person has done nor do they really seem to do much about it. The entire subplot takes up maybe a few minutes in the movie. I totally didn’t get the ending at all.

Overall, I’d give the movie two stars. It started out strong, but went way to weird, even for me. It has a low-budget look. (This is probably do in part to the low budget.) It also had a very strange feel to it. It wasn’t quite movie and it wasn’t quite documentary or even mockumentary. It was definitely a different look. Since I watched it on the IFC, I can’t really complain. It wasn’t bad for something I didn’t pay for. 

IMDb page

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

I had wanted to see The Chronicles of Narnia in the theaters, but I wasn’t sure how much of a kids’ movie it was. I didn’t really want to go by myself if there would be a theater full of kids and there weren’t any people that I thought would be willing to go with me to see what I knew would be a fantasy movie.

For those that don’t know, this movie is based on the first of seven books by C. S. Lewis. It tells the tale of four children sent away by their mother to protect them from the onslaught of WWII. (Their names are Edmund, Peter, Lucy and Susan.) They’re living with a professor that they’re told not to disturb. They’re also told not to touch anything, but it isn’t long before Lucy finds a wardrobe that leads to Narnia

At first, no one believes her. Not only does she find a wardrobe that leads to another world, but she meets a faun and when she returns, only a few seconds have elapsed. Yes, all four children do eventually go through and learn that Lucy was telling the truth. There’s also supposed to be a prophecy that four children of Adam and Eve (humans) are supposed to end the reign of an evil witch.

The White Which is that evil witch and wants to thwart the prophecy. She tries to get Edmund to betray his siblings and kidnaps him when he fails. It’s up to the remaining siblings to find a lion named Aslan to get him back and to stop the White Witch’s rule on Narnia.

It’s an interesting story and definitely has a fantasy element, so a few adults may be turned off by this. Many of the animals talk, which is definitely aided by CGI. There’s also magic and even an appearance by Santa Claus, even though there’s been no Christmas in Narnia for over 100 years. The thing I found odd was that he gave three of the children weapons to help fight, which you wouldn’t expect from someone who’s known for giving out toys.

I didn’t find the movie to be too overbearing in terms of any sort of moral. While it was fun and there is the sense that good will prevail, it wasn’t like someone was being very obvious about anything. If anything, the fantasy may be a bit much for some people. There are all sorts of creatures that you’d expect from fantasy, like fauns. It’s a little complicated. If you miss part of it or if you miss the first half, you may be lost later on in the movie.

This movie is based on the first of seven books. I’ve never read any of them, so I have no idea how closely the story follows. The biggest indication of how much people like the movie may be how well the sequels do. Granted, since the movies are based on books, there will be a built-in audience. However, if the first two movies don’t translate well, they may not do the remaining five. However, I will be waiting for all of the remaining six movies and may even see if I can pick up the books.

I do recommend this movie. The only downside for some people may be the violence that comes about due to a war. I would think it’s safe for children ten and up, but it is something to consider. The second movie is currently in production, which I may see in the theater depending on when it comes out. 

IMDb page

Sigma DC 201940 10-20 mm F/4.0-5.6 HSM EX IF ASP Lens

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

When I first got a digital SLR, my brother gave me some great advice. He told me to wait a few months before buying any new lenses. At the time, I had a Sigma 28-90 and a Nikkor 35-135. Those should be enough for a while. Eventually, I’d figure out what, if anything, I needed to get. It didn’t take me long to realize that I wanted to get wide-angle shots. 28mm was pretty wide, but there were shots that I just couldn’t get.

The day I decided to buy something, I was in North Carolina. There was a bus station I wanted to photograph, but I had a building to one side and a building behind me, so I couldn’t get into a position where I could photograph the entire building. I knew it was time to buy something wider.

I knew that I wanted to get really wide shots and didn’t want to have to go out and buy yet another lens, so I decided to go all the way. I looked at several lenses, including the Nikon 12-24. I finally decided on the Sigma 10-20 for several reasons. (The most important was that the Nikon 12-24 was more than twice the price of this lens at the time.) I had looked at lenses that weren’t as wide, but I was afraid that it wouldn’t be enough.

When set to 10mm, I get an extremely wide shot with this lens. It ranges from 63.8 to 102.4°, which is pretty good. My mother wanted me to take pictures of various tents. I was standing so close to one that my mother wanted me to stand back. I actually moved a little closer so as not to include a fence in the picture. I’ve also found that it’s hard to take pictures without people because they often don’t realize they’re in the picture.

The lens is f/4-5.6, which means that it’s not letting in as much light as other lenses. Then again, I intend to use the lens mostly outdoors. If you’re indoors, you’ll have to get an SB-600. I have a Nikon D50 and the onboard flash isn’t enough. You can actually see where the on-board flash falls off.

I have tried using the lens on occasion for nighttime photography. It’s a little trickier because you need a tripod and no flash. You’re better off using a tripod and going for a long exposure. If you go to my Flickr account, I’ve actually tagged many of my Sigma 10-20 shots as such. Many came out good, but not as good as they could have been.

The lens works better with nature photography than with architecture, the reason being that it’s tending towards a fisheye lens. The distortion is somewhat noticeable at 20mm and very noticeable at 10mm. (The distortion can be compensated for in Photoshop.) When I had the lens at work the other day, a coworker was using the lens to take pictures of our faces. It looked almost like a funhouse mirror.

If you’re at 10mm and you’re taking pictures of a room, you have to have the lens aimed perpendicular to the wall. If you do point the lens perpendicular, you’ll notice that the room seems deeper than it really is. If you don’t, you may see some of the vertical lines tilting. This is true for any straight line, really. If you can go into a store and test out the lens, point the lens at a wall and move the camera left to right. You’ll see what I’m talking about.

One interesting aspect is that it’s a HSM lens, which is the Sigma designation for High Speed Motor. If anyone reading this has a D40, D40x or a D60, you’re thinking to yourself that the salesman may have said something about having to use Nikon DX lenses. This is because those cameras don’t have a lens motor. You have to buy lenses that have motors, such as the Nikon DX lenses or (drum roll, please) Sigma HSM lenses. Yes, this lens will work on the aforementioned cameras. (In retrospect, I should have tried it on one of those cameras the other day, as I work in a camera store.)

If you have a full-frame camera, like a Nikon D3, you’ll see cropping. The lens was intended for digital cameras. If you’re wondering if they make a VR version of this, it would really be pointless as you don’t need it with smaller distances. You have to really move a lens to get shake at 10mm. As for color fringing, I have noticed it on one or two photos, but the lens has been pretty good at not having it. This is especially important for outdoor shots.

Overall, the lens gets five stars. The lens is exactly what I want and, while expensive, was worth every penny.

Contact (1997)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.


Jodie Foster plays Dr. Elli Arroway, a radio astronomer. She was raised by her father, who gave her a strong interest in astronomy. She spends a great deal of her adult life looking for extraterrestrial life, mostly with SETI. Things are rough. Most government bureaucrats aren’t willing to finance the search for little green men, so Dr. Arroway has to spend a lot of time looking for funding. Fortunately, she’s able to secure enough to rent radio telescopes, which scan the heavens for some sort of coherent signal.

Finally, just as everyone’s about to give up hope, a signal comes in. It’s these loud, booming noises. Dr. Arroway and her team realize that the noises are grouped in prime numbers. Prime numbers are numbers that are divisible by only themselves and one, such as 2 and 5. (1 isn’t considered a prime number by many for reasons I won’t go into here.) Any intelligent civilization should know what a prime number is because primes are independent of what base we use for our numbering system. The signal is very interesting. It’s so interesting that the government wants a part of it. Dr. Arroway and her team are allowed to research it, but at the governments direction.

Some interesting things are learned about the clip. First, there’s a clip of Hitler speaking at the 1936 Olympics. The 1936 Olympics was the first TV signal strong enough to go into space. The aliens, whoever they are, apparently recorded the signal and sent it back to us. Is this an endorsement for the Nazis or is it simply a way of saying, “Hey! Look what we found!” After a little more digging, dozens of diagrams are uncovered. No one can figure out what they are. Finally, Dr. Arroway gets the nudge she needs to figure out how they work.

They’re actually blueprints. America is able to construct this big sphere that sits atop a device that can (presumably) send it through space. The scientific community is at a loss to explain how it works. No one is really sure that it will, but we decide to try anyway. After a lot of hard work and sacrifice, we finally manage to get Dr. Arroway into the sphere and through the device.

Here’s where I’m going to end the plot review. There’s still a significant portion of the movie left, and there’s really no way I can handle it without giving away too much. The movie does a good job of setting up the story and leaving us wondering what will come of the events. In a way, I’d like to see a sequel, but it’s just as well that there isn’t one. I think to try and answer the questions I have might spoil the fun.

There’s a constant theme of science vs. religion throughout the movie. Elle Arroway needs proof. She can’t fully accept religion because it offers no real proof. Then there’s Palmer Joss, who’s religious and tries to make the case for religion without trying to force it upon anyone. It almost seems that religion and science are polar opposites. The X-Files did a better job using Scully, who was both religious and a scientist, to stage the question and to show that you don’t have to be one or the other.

The movie is based on the book of the same name by Carl Sagan. In writing the book, Sagan had to deal not only with how a race would contact us but with the logistics of how a meeting would take place. The nearest star to us is 4 light years away. That means that it takes light 4 years to cover the distance to that star, and there’s no way that we can pass the speed of light with our current understanding of science.

The movie doesn’t really explain too much the science. As I said, we’re presented with an option that might turn out to be a fraud. It’s really a story that’s accessible to anyone, regardless of their understanding of physics or astronomy. I think I could recommend this movie to just about anyone.


IMDb page
 

Chuckles Candy

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

How the heck do you write a review on candy? Normally, many varieties of candy are so ubiquitous that explanation is really unnecessary. Add to that the fact that most candy cost less than a dollar unless you’re buying the family size. There really isn’t much of a need to do reviews on candy. You buy a single pack, take a bite and at worst, you’re out a few dollars. Then, I came across a review for Chuckles. It occurred to me that I hadn’t seen them in a while. (Not that I’ve been looking that hard…)

It’s pretty rare these days that I take a serious look at a vending machine. Usually, they’re overpriced. When I go into a convenience store or supermarket, it’s not to buy candy. However, when I did buy candy a lot, I noticed that there are some candies that are neglected. Chuckles happens to be one of them.

When looking online, I noticed that they are available for purchase. (Just do a search on Google and you should be able to find at least one vendor.) I noticed that to save on shipping, you have to spend a lot. (Who wants to order just one package, anyway?) That leads me to another good question: How the heck do you review Chuckles? I mean, it’s a candy. You’re basically looking at oversized, flattened gumdrops that have more flavor.

For those that have never seen the package, each one contains five different misshapen gumdrops. The candies come in a three-sided cardboard tray and are wrapped in plastic. Each candy is roughly rectangular in shape and you get each of five flavors, with those flavors being lemon, lime, cherry, licorice and orange. This selection has never varied when they were more common. I’ve never seen any special holiday flavors nor have I ever seen them individually wrapped.

This is odd, considering that I seem to be the only person that really likes the licorice. (Note: The objection to licorice seems to stem mostly from the flavor in general rather than from the specific Chuckles licorice.) My favorite is the lime flavor, but lemon and orange are pretty good, too.

They’re pretty chewy, but not like gum. They have consistency similar to that of a gumdrop and are also covered in sugar the same way. The comparison to gumdrops basically differs in the intensity of the flavor, from what I can recall. They’re also pretty fun to eat, although it’s pretty quick. Each one takes no more than three bites if you’re trying to go slowly, and that’s pushing it.

Writing the review makes me want to go out and buy a pack. I don’t know why I never got it more as a kid. I think it’s mostly because my parents weren’t that big on sugary stuff. Maybe next time I’m at Publix, I look for some. 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

Who doesn’t like a good vampire movie? I saw Buffy the Vampire Slayer on sale in Best Buy and decided to get it. I figured it couldn’t be that bad. Well, it wasn’t that bad, but it’s definitely not for everyone.

Kristy Swanson plays Buffy Summers, you’re typical valley-girl-type blonde high-school cheerleader. She keeps having these strange dreams about strange people. She’s in the dreams, but has no idea really what’s going on. Then, she meets this strange guy named Merrick (played by Donald Sutherland) who tells her that she’s The Chosen One. It’s The Chosen One’s lot in life to slay vampires.

It’s Merrick’s lot in life to find The Chosen One and train her to slay vampires. It takes them a while, but Merrick finally gets Buffy ready. It’s just in time, too. Lothos is the main vampire and he feels it’s time to regain control of Los Angeles. He sends out his right-hand man, Amilyn to rebuild their army of bloodsuckers. (Amilyn is played by Paul Rubens of Pee-Wee Herman fame.) Buffy manages to take on all of these vampires while being a cheerleader and planning the senior dance.

Ultimately, the movie is a bizarre vampire movie. (When you see the scene with Amilyn dying, you’ll know what I mean.) It’s hard to believe that someone was trying to make a serious movie. For starters, why is the person that’s chosen to do something called “The Chosen One”? It would be funny to have someone called “The Preferred One” or “The Elected One” or something just to be a little different. Also, ‘chosen’ implies some sort of process. Movies that have a Chosen One never seem to explain how the person was chosen.

I also don’t understand why Merrick knows so much. Admittedly, he’s been born and reborn several times, each time with the knowledge about The Chosen One. Wouldn’t it be more direct to simply have Buffy be born with the knowledge? I suppose that would cut out a good chunk of the movie. Buffy has to go through the process of accepting Merrick and training with him. The relationship between them is really the only one that’s developed to any extent. Sure, there are other characters that Buffy deals with, but few of them seem to build up to anything.

It’s a three-star movie. If it comes on one of the movie channels, go for it. As for renting it or buying it, you’d have to have a reason. There are some people that I’d recommend it to, but I don’t think it’s for everyone.

IMDb page

Castle in the Sky (1986)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.


I’ve never really been big on directors. Sure, there are movies that were well-directed, but I’ve never really been one to seek out movies based on a director or production company. Then, along came movies like Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind and The Cat Returns. I was hooked on Studio Ghibli’s movies. I began renting as many as I could find on NetFlix.

Castle in the Sky seems to be one of the earlier works, but wasn’t released in the US until recently. The story revolves around several people looking for a lost city called Laputa. The military wants this city for its technology. Pirates want it for untold riches that are bound to be there. Then, there’s Sheeta and Pazu, two children that are out to find the city, as well. (Sheeta has a special connection to the city.)

The thing that makes Laputa hard to find is that it floats above the Earth, hidden from view pretty well. Some doubt that it even exists. Pazu’s father died trying to prove its existence. Sheeta has the ability to find it, which makes her valuable to both the military and the pirates. Together, Sheeta and Pazu might just be able to find the lost city which floats above the planet.

There’s this great debate between Sub vs. Dub, or subtitles versus the English dubbing. I’ve always preferred the dub, mostly because the English voices are usually well-known actors. In Castle in the Sky, you have Mark Hamill, Mandy Patinkin, Richard Dysart and Cloris Leachman. From what I understand, the translation of some of the earlier works, like this movie, led to a ‘No Cuts’ policy, forcing a more literal translation of the movies. I’d love to learn Japanese to see the difference.

As I’ve said with other animated movies, there’s so much more you can do with animation. What would require special effects in a live-action movie is bound to look seamless in an animated movie. Castle in the Sky is a great example of such a movie. You’ve got all manner of flying ships. To look at Laputa is to see exactly what I’m talking about. Imagination is the limit with anime and animation Despite a somewhat complicated plot, I found it was easy to follow and understand. The story is as well crafted as the animation.

I never really thought the comparison of Ghibli to Disney was fair. Yes, both have produced a lot of great films, but both are radically different. Ghibli has produced a wide range of films, some being meant more for children and others that are better suited to adults. (Granted, Castle in the sky is probably better for children, but look at movies like Grave of the Fireflies.)

At just over two hours, it’s not too long. Everything about it is genius. I’d recommend it to anyone. 

IMDb page

Aventura Mall Food Court Sign

Last month, I found out that Aventura Mall is renovating the food court.  (Actually, they're replacing it with a new wing that will include a new food court.)  I know this is more local interest than anything else, but I'm posting it for two reasons.  First, I want to see how easy it is to embed photos from Flickr.  Second, the picture is of a sign that has been at the mall for as long as I've been going to that mall.

I'm not sure what will become of the sign, so I wanted to share what might be one last photo of it.  It's been there since they last renovated the food court. They may well keep it.  I don't know.  Anyway, here it is.

Starman (1984)

It’s a big universe out there.  Within our own galaxy, there are something like 200 billion stars.  The number of galaxies in the universe could be of a similar magnitude.  It’s hard to imagine that there’s no life orbiting one of those countless stars.  Of course, as the Fermi Paradox points out, there should be some proof, or at least solid evidence, of alien life by now.  Then again, the distance to the nearest star is four light years.  Any civilization capable of traversing the vast space between stars could probably disguise themselves so that we would never know, unless something went horribly wrong.

Such is the case with Starman.  An alien crash lands on Earth.  He makes it to a nearby house, where he finds Jenny Hayden.  Existing only as a ball of light, he’s able to clone her dead husband and use the resulting body to interact with her.  He sends a distress signal, then gets Jenny to help him to the rendezvous point for pickup.  The body is temporary, so if he doesn’t make it, he dies.  Add to this the fact that the U.S. military is after him.

The two have to travel across the country from Chequamegon Bay, Wisconsin, to Meteor Crater near Winslow, Arizona.  It’s not easy at first, since Starman’s knowledge of human languages is limited to what was onboard the Voyager 2 probe.  (This is odd, though; he states that his people have been to Earth before.  You‘d think someone would have written a phrase guide or something.)  He eventually learns English and she eventually learns to trust him.  It’s still not an easy journey.  He does still have the government after him.

One offshoot of the Fermi Paradox is that, given the vastness of space and the probability that there may be life out there, it may not be wise to broadcast our location.  Starman came to Earth because his race found the Voyager 2 probe.  His seems to be a peaceful race, but what if the probe had been found by a race that saw us as a threat?  Iut may not go as well as The Day The Earth Stood Still.  (For those wondering, I’m referring to the 1951 version.)

It would have been interesting to see how Starman’s mission would have gone had he not been shot down.  Apparently, he was planning on sticking around for a few days anyway.  I’m not sure if his species had taken human form to study our planet or what level of interaction they’ve had.  This is a case where leaving us to wonder works best.  I’m curious to check out the TV show.  (Amazon has Starman - Complete Series on DVD, but I don’t see it on Netflix.)

I’d say for movies from the 1980s, this one held up pretty well.  I think what stuck out most about the movie were two things: The simplicity of the story and the distinctive soundtrack.  I remember a creative-writing professor saying that you could start and end your story however you felt best.  The movie frames the story during Starman’s three-day visit.  He meets a human woman who helps him, despite some setbacks and mistakes.  We don’t need to go into all the details about humanity.  Starman knows that we’re not perfect, but we’re worth studying.


IMDb page
 

Tomorrowland (2015)

There are all sorts of source material for movies.  Books are a natural choice, as the plot and structure are already there.  TV shows are also popular for a similar reason.  I’ve always wondered what the most difficult source material would be in terms of pulling a feature-length film.  Battleship is a good candidate for this, as it came from a board game.  I have to admit that I would have pegged Tomorrowland as a close second.  The movie seems to draw its name from the similarly named attraction found at the Disney parks.  You can see the influence in the sets and designs, but the story is largely original.

It begins with Frank Walker and Casey Newton telling their story, ostensibly to the audience.  Frank insists on beginning the story with his trip to the 1964 New York World's Fair.  A young Frank has a jet pack that he invented.  He shows it to an official named David Nix, but Nix dismisses the prototype, as it doesn’t actually seem to work yet.  Frank does draw the attention of a girl named Athena, who gets him passage to the futuristic Tomorrowland.

Cut to the present where Casey’s trying to sabotage some NASA equipment.  Her father works at the base, which is being decommissioned.  Yes, it’s futile.  Yes, it gets her arrested.  However, after being released, she comes into possession of a pin similar to one Athena gave to Frank.  Casey is now obsessed with finding Tomorrowland, even after the pin’s battery runs out.  Her only hope to actually get there (and, possibly, to save the world) is to find a now-grown Frank, who has been expelled from Tomorrowland.

I found the movie to be more of a balance than I expected.  I thought that it would either take place mostly in Tomorrowland or mostly in our world, but the movie made the transition midway through the movie.  Because of this, the movie didn’t drag.  I knew that if the movie relied too heavily on our world, the movie would rely too heavily on suspense.  If too much time was spent in Tomorrowland, there would be a risk of it being all starry-eyed wonder, which could get boring quickly.  (I still would have like to see a little more of Tomorroland.)

On that note, I had also wondered how optimistic the movie would be, since the Tomorrowland attraction is supposed to be about making advancements that benefit mankind.  The movie used that optimism and balanced it with an invention of Frank’s that went too far.  We have the option of building a brighter future, but we have to be careful about it.  Not every invention should see the light of day.

Instead of a good-versus-evil theme, we get a dreaming-versus-apathy theme.  The real world is full of people who just go through the motions.  They worry about paying the rent and taking care of families.  Tomorrowland is shiny and is all about potential and advancing society.  Granted, each world isn’t entirely what it seems, but the question becomes at what point do you give up on your dreams?