Alien Contact: Outer Space (2017)

I used to think that there was some barrier to having a movie made that would guarantee that most movies would be good.  Even though there isn’t someone giving thumbs up or down to let a movie through, you have to get financing.  You have to find a distributor.  Professionals have to commit time to the project, both in front of and behind the camera.  There are several stages at which someone could conceivably derail a movie and spare an unsuspecting public.

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that many such movies do actually make it to market.  It’s just that most people never hear about them.  Maybe they’re condemned to late-night television.  Many are packaged and sold as those 50-packs of movies.  Others, like this, manage to find their way to streaming services.  I’m not sure if the distributor lowered their fee to make some of their money back or if someone at Netflix actually liked the so-called documentary.

I looked at the description thinking that it might actually be informative.  The blurb talked about new facts being uncovered or something.  Talk about misleading.  It sort of reminds me of Chariots of the Gods in that it mentions some bizarre phenomenon and gives some random details before moving on.

There’s a minute or two on the Ashtar Galactic Command.  Technically, it’s about an incident wherein some garbled audio was transmitted over the airwaves because a transmitter was easy to hack.  It was probably some prank, but the documentary passes it along as if it was some serious threat that was never followed up on.

There is also a section on numbers stations, which are these strange radio stations that broadcast seemingly random numbers.  From what I’ve heard, no one knows what these things are.  Are they coded messages to spies?  That seems to be the prevailing theory.  Alas, we may never really know.

This is the kind of thing that you might watch and maybe look up the stuff on Wikipedia.  The documentary doesn’t go into any real depth on anything.  It’s like a shout out to a few strange phenomena.   These might even make for a few good ideas for a sci-fi series akin to the X-Files.  It’s too bad that the narration is boring and the animation is generic.  I think we finally may have found something the History Channel would pass on.

IMDb page

Occhi dalle stelle/Eyes Behind the Stars (1978)

There are two kinds of bad movies:  Some seem to aim for bad while others don’t seem to aim for anything.  Eyes Behind the Stars seems to be the latter.  It’s a story of a photographer that stumbles on evidence of aliens, but seems to be put together somewhat hastily and doesn’t make much sense.

It starts with the aforementioned photographer and a model doing their thing when they start to get a weird feeling.  Their watches stop working, so they stop with the modeling.  Later that day, the photographer is taking more pictures.  He somehow manages to capture images of space ships without seeing any.  (I’m not sure if he had some indication of where the ships were or happened to capture the images by accident.)

While developing the pictures, an alien comes and takes all evidence from the photographer.  How do we know it’s an alien?  He has this weird metallic suit and a motorcycle helmet.  He also has fisheye vision.  Fortunately, a reporter has some of the evidence.   The reporter talks to people and goes places to hopefully put a story together.  Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen.  The aliens are on to him.  There’s also a group called The Silencers that don’t want the public knowing about aliens.  (I never understood why fear of public panic has always been the go-to excuse.)

There are also members of the Royal Air Force involved in this.  (At least, I think they were British.  They may have been American.  Or Italian.  Or maybe aliens.)  Somehow, information was leak.  The bas commander wants answers.  I’m not really sure how it fits into the rest of the narrative, except that I think they found the aliens’ landing site or something.

Oh, and the photographer and model were abducted by the aliens.  The model is returned, but not the photographer.  What’s a reporter to do?  He hires a psychic to probe the model’s mind for answers.  The psychic feels that the model saw something that fried her mind.

The movie ends with some text saying that the entire thing was based on real events.  Well, a set of real events.  Everything supposedly happened, although not necessarily as the same series of events.  That would at least explain why the writing was so bad.  Someone hobbled together a conglomeration of narratives to come up with something that sort of made sense to them.  The movie is sort of like Close Encounters of the Third Kind, but without the scene at Devil’s Tower to bring everything into focus.

The entire plot is barely cohesive.  I kept waiting for something to tie it together.  That never happened.  I also thought there might be some big reveal, like who the aliens are or what they might want.  That never happened, either.  It’s just some reporter chasing a story and the aliens chasing down the evidence.  The least they could do is maybe spend some money on makeup.  Give us some idea of what the aliens look like.

I think that this is going to be a frustrating movie for anyone that watches it.  If you go into it expecting a normal movie, you’ll be sorely disappointed.  If you’re in to bad movies, like I am, I wouldn’t get this movie by itself.  I’d get it as part of a set of movies, which shouldn’t be hard to do.  I was able to watch it as part of a collection my brother had.  (The DVDs were so disorganized, I’m not really sure which collection this was part of.)  This is definitely among the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

IMDb page

Men in Black II (2002)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

Sequels are difficult.  If a movie is successful, there’s pressure to do another one in hopes of making more money.  When the first Men in Black did well, a second MIB was released.  In this installment, we have Agents J (Will Smith) and K (Tommy Lee Jones) returning.  For those that didn’t see the first, K had ‘retired’ by having J erase his memories.  K is now Kevin Brown, a Postal worker.  J has gone through a few partners since the end of the last movie.

J has been successful in helping the MIB to defend Earth against aliens and the like.  One day, though, Serleena shows up.  She’s looking for The Light of Zartha.  She finds someone that may know something.  When information isn’t forthcoming, she kills him in front of a hidden witness, Laura Vasquez.  Serleena eventually takes over MIB headquarters looking for answers.  The problem is that only K knows exactly what and where The Light is.  J has to restore K’s memories and fast.

Once done, K reveals that The Light isn’t even supposed to be on Earth.  The Zarthaians came to Earth hoping that the MIB would protect The Light, but it was too dangerous and they refused.  Serleena isn’t willing to accept this.  She’s intent on getting The Light.  If you’ve seen the coming attractions for Men in Black 3, you can assume that J and K save the day.

I’ll admit that Men in Black II does fall into some of the traps common to sequels.  It did seem to rely heavily on characters from the previous movies.  Frank the Pug has an expanded role in this movie, delivering a few funny lines.  Instead of K being the senior officer bringing J into the organization, J is the one telling K what’s what and hoping that he accepts it.

There are new characters, but there is a sense of familiarity.  It was a big action movie with comedic elements.  You have an alien demanding something that the MIB are at a loss to find.  I didn’t mind.  There was enough original material that it seemed new, overall.  Also, you have Rosario Dawson as Laura.  I can’t say I can complain about that.

Men in Black and Men in Black 2 should be watched in order.  You could probably watch this movie first, but you may miss a few things.  It will also ruin certain elements of the first movie that will be ruined if you watch this one first.  They were meant to be watched in order.  (Men in Black 3 doesn’t seem to rely as heavily on these two movies, although I would still recommend watching in order.)  If you liked the first movie, I’d recommend watching this one.

IMDb page

Contact (1997)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.


Jodie Foster plays Dr. Elli Arroway, a radio astronomer. She was raised by her father, who gave her a strong interest in astronomy. She spends a great deal of her adult life looking for extraterrestrial life, mostly with SETI. Things are rough. Most government bureaucrats aren’t willing to finance the search for little green men, so Dr. Arroway has to spend a lot of time looking for funding. Fortunately, she’s able to secure enough to rent radio telescopes, which scan the heavens for some sort of coherent signal.

Finally, just as everyone’s about to give up hope, a signal comes in. It’s these loud, booming noises. Dr. Arroway and her team realize that the noises are grouped in prime numbers. Prime numbers are numbers that are divisible by only themselves and one, such as 2 and 5. (1 isn’t considered a prime number by many for reasons I won’t go into here.) Any intelligent civilization should know what a prime number is because primes are independent of what base we use for our numbering system. The signal is very interesting. It’s so interesting that the government wants a part of it. Dr. Arroway and her team are allowed to research it, but at the governments direction.

Some interesting things are learned about the clip. First, there’s a clip of Hitler speaking at the 1936 Olympics. The 1936 Olympics was the first TV signal strong enough to go into space. The aliens, whoever they are, apparently recorded the signal and sent it back to us. Is this an endorsement for the Nazis or is it simply a way of saying, “Hey! Look what we found!” After a little more digging, dozens of diagrams are uncovered. No one can figure out what they are. Finally, Dr. Arroway gets the nudge she needs to figure out how they work.

They’re actually blueprints. America is able to construct this big sphere that sits atop a device that can (presumably) send it through space. The scientific community is at a loss to explain how it works. No one is really sure that it will, but we decide to try anyway. After a lot of hard work and sacrifice, we finally manage to get Dr. Arroway into the sphere and through the device.

Here’s where I’m going to end the plot review. There’s still a significant portion of the movie left, and there’s really no way I can handle it without giving away too much. The movie does a good job of setting up the story and leaving us wondering what will come of the events. In a way, I’d like to see a sequel, but it’s just as well that there isn’t one. I think to try and answer the questions I have might spoil the fun.

There’s a constant theme of science vs. religion throughout the movie. Elle Arroway needs proof. She can’t fully accept religion because it offers no real proof. Then there’s Palmer Joss, who’s religious and tries to make the case for religion without trying to force it upon anyone. It almost seems that religion and science are polar opposites. The X-Files did a better job using Scully, who was both religious and a scientist, to stage the question and to show that you don’t have to be one or the other.

The movie is based on the book of the same name by Carl Sagan. In writing the book, Sagan had to deal not only with how a race would contact us but with the logistics of how a meeting would take place. The nearest star to us is 4 light years away. That means that it takes light 4 years to cover the distance to that star, and there’s no way that we can pass the speed of light with our current understanding of science.

The movie doesn’t really explain too much the science. As I said, we’re presented with an option that might turn out to be a fraud. It’s really a story that’s accessible to anyone, regardless of their understanding of physics or astronomy. I think I could recommend this movie to just about anyone.


IMDb page
 

The Last Starfighter (1984)

I remember a lot of movies from my childhood.  Some hold up pretty well.  Others don’t.  I think in a lot of cases, I was more easily entertained.  Take The Last Starfighter.  I remember liking it.  It wasn’t one of my favorites, but I was entertained by it.  I recently had the chance to rent it from Netflix to see how it held up.

The movie centers on Alex Rogan.  He’s an average kid in a trailer park.  His one hope to get out of there is college, but he can’t seem to secure the funding.  His one distraction is a game called Starfighter.  He’s pretty good at it.  In fact, he beats the game’s high score of 1,000,000 points.  (To give you an idea of how boring it is in this trailer park, everyone gathers around to witness this with great excitement.)

It isn’t long before Alex is visited by a mysterious man calling himself Centauri.  Centauri is the one who designed and placed the games as a test.  He takes Alex for a ride, promising a surprise when they reach their destination.  It turns out that a war is on and the game is testing for those with The Gift.  Those that pass the test on their respective planets are recruited to become actual starfighters.

Alex immediately wants to go home. The game said nothing about being recruited for an actual war.  So, Centauri begrudgingly takes Alex home.  After Centauri leaves, Alex is attacked.  Fortunately, Alex is able to call Centauri back.  They go back to the military base only to find it attacked.  Alex is now the only starfighter left.  It’s up to him and his navigator, Grig, to defend the galaxy.

The movie deals mostly with Alex being recruited and eventually fighting.  There’s no real commentary on war.  The closest thing is Centauri being reprimanded for recruiting on Earth, which is an unaligned planet.  Even the fact that Alex was essentially tricked into fighting is downplayed.  This is something that may have been dealt with if the movie had been made into a TV show or something.  Each week would have been some aspect of war.  It’s also possible that the movie was aimed at kids.  With the exception of one or two scenes, most of the violence is video-game violence.  Even the fighting with real ships is kind of cheesy by today’s standards.

When I first watched the movie, it seemed like a pretty decent story.  (I suppose for a 9-year-old, it was.)  Watching it now, it seems more like it was meant to set up either another movie or a TV show.  (There are rumors of a sequel to the movie, possibly detailing the adventures of Alex’s child.)  Yes, Alex saves the day.  He returns to Earth to get his girlfriend and let everyone know he’s ok.  In this regard, the story seems incomplete.

Had there been a TV show shortly after the release of the movie, I probably would have viewed the movie differently.  The story would have made more sense in that context.  As it is, I’m wondering if a planned sequel was cancelled or if the movie was released unfinished.  (Both scenarios have happened with other movies.)  If a series came to television based on this movie, I’d definitely give it a chance.

Jupiter Ascending (2015)

Note:  This review contains spoilers.  If you’re not into that, you might want to skip the review until after you’ve seen the movie.


I remember seeing the coming attraction s for Jupiter Ascending.  It looked like something that was epic.  A woman finds out that she’s an important figure and is thrust into a position of power.  It turns out that I was sort of right.  I was mostly wrong, but I was sort of right.  The movie was visually epic, but wasn’t much on the story.

Jupiter Jones is the woman in question.  Her father died before she was born.  She was born in the middle of the ocean and finds herself without a nation.  Fast forward a few decades.  Jupiter is cleaning houses with her aunt.  She hates her life, and rightfully so.  She’s always wanting money for something that she doesn’t want.  She wants and advance, but can’t get it.  Her solution?  She lets her cousin talk her in to selling her eggs.  At the last minute, she’s attacked and subsequently rescued by Caine.

Caine explains that Jupiter is genetically identical to the deceased matriarch of the Abrasax family.  Said matriarch left her title and certain possessions to any human that matches her genetic code or something, meaning that Jupiter now owns Earth and that she’s some sort of queen.  One of the kids wants to marry Jupiter, which she agrees to.  It sounds kind of incestuous, since she’s an exact genetic match to his dead mother.  But, it’s ok since he plans to kill her and claim Earth as his own.  Yes, the kids each got planets of their own, but Earth is the mother lode.  It will make its owner rich beyond their wildest dreams.

It turns out that instead of this grand epic I was expecting, it was mostly Caine fighting to save Jupiter.  Yes, we got some nice visuals and stuff, but it wasn’t as strong on the story as I expected.  Jupiter Jones ends up being more of a McGuffin than a hero.  At first, I though that might be a bit harsh, bit it’s not.  She’s only there to move the story along.  She’s something pretty for the antagonists to fight over.

On that note, why would you leave something to someone who happens to end up with your genetic makeup?  Even though there are a lot of planets with humans, it seems hard to believe that we’d end up with that kind of convergence, and that quickly to boot.  Stuff like that always gets my attention.  It seems very improbable.  This isn’t even getting in to the fact that Jupiter has no idea what’s going on.  (Jupiter was supposed to be the reincarnation of the Matriarch.)

This is one of those movies that I ended up finding major flaws with.  As I said, Jupiter is a genetic match to the matriarch.  Ok.  I’ll admit that long shots come through.  It’s not impossible.  Still, why is she not freaked out at marrying her doppelganger’s son?  She seems taken in by the whole thing rather easily?

For that matter, she seems rather at ease selling her eggs during the beginning of the movie.  Yes, it’s a really nice telescope she wants, but this is her chance at having kids.  She’ll be getting $15,000.  Her cousin will be keeping $10,000, which is even more offensive.  When she calls him on it, he offers up a lame excuse, which she accepts.

If you like action films and don’t like thinking much about the plot, this might be your movie.  If you’re expecting something with a story or a reason to think about it afterwards, keep moving.  There’s nothing for you to see here.

Stargate (1994)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

I was just out of high school when this movie first came out. I don’t remember hearing much about it, but I hadn’t really been to the theaters for a while. Years later, I would catch parts of it (usually the end) on Encore or The Sci-Fi Channel. It wasn’t really until the fifth season of the TV show, Stargate: SG-1, that I really got into it. I knew the basic premise of the movie, so the show wasn’t that hard to follow.

Stargate starts out in Giza, Egypt, in 1928. An archaeologist arrives on a dig site to see this amazing discovery. There’s a big ring with all of these symbols and no one has ever seen anything like it. As far as anyone knows, it’s the only one in existence. 60+ years later, Dr. Daniel Jackson is giving a lecture about ancient Egypt. He has all of these wacky ideas about alien influence. What few people there are walk out and Jackson has no idea why. As he’s leaving the building, he’s approached by a woman who wants him to work on a secret government project. He accepts, seeing as how he has little else to do. He’s being asked in to help decode the Stargate, which is now sitting under a mountain.

Then there’s Colonel Jack O’Neill, played by Kurt Russell. He’s getting over the loss of his son, who accidentally shot himself with the Colonel’s gun. He’s called in to oversee the military aspect of the Stargate program. O’Neill and Jackson don’t hit it off at first. O’Neill is a military officer having to deal with the loss of his son; Jackson is a brainy researcher who isn’t really even accepted in his own field.

Dr. Jackson finally gets the gate working and a probe is sent through. They discover a similar Stargate on the other side, along with a device for controlling it. The Stargate is a means of transporting people across space. The connection doesn’t stay open for very long, so there isn’t much information to go on insofar as the other planet is concerned. The deciding factor is Dr. Jackson’s belief that he could get a team back. He, Colonel O’Neill, and several others go through the gate to the other planet and are told to assess the situation and report back. The trouble is that Dr. Jackson can’t get the team back. He had made the assumption that there would be instructions waiting for him on the other side.

To Dr. Jackson’s amazement, they find pyramids similar to the ones on Earth, which supports Dr. Jackson’s theories. The downside is that if they can’t get back, he won’t be able to tell anyone about it. Things start to look good when they find people living on the planet. Things take a serious turn for the worse, though, when Ra shows up. (For those that don’t know much about Egyptian mythology, Ra is the Egyptian sun god.) Ra is played by Jaye Davidson, who you may remember from The Crying Game. Dr. Jackson discovers that Ra is actually ‘possessing’ a host. Ra has simply taken on the persona of a god and has everyone on the planet worshiping him. Things get much worse when Ra discovers that O’Neill brought a bomb with him; Ra decides to modify the bomb and send it back to Earth. The race is on.

Of Jackson and O’Neill, I felt that Jackson was better developed in the movie. O’Neill came across as a military zombie. He’s made a career in the military and doesn’t seem to plan on making it back. Jackson, on the other hand, tends to be more optimistic. He thinks that there’s a chance of getting home and wants to work towards that end. There is a great deal of naivete in Dr. Jackson, which he’s able to overcome to an extent.

The special effects are going to seem dated . There were times when the effects looked patchy or inconsistent. Some of the lower-budget effects came across pretty well. The movie is driven more by trying to make a coherent story than a vehicle for the special effects. The thing that the story had going for it was its overall simplicity. Get the gate working, go through it, and then get back in one piece. The technical explanations of the gate and what Ra is didn’t really appear until the series began on Showtime.

I got the Ultimate Edition, which has both the director’s cut and the theatrical cut. The difference is that the director’s cut has a few additional minutes of footage. I don’t know that you’d even notice most of it. The real benefit is the other special features. You get the theatrical trailer, audio commentary and some behind-the-scenes stuff, which I found interesting.

Those that have seen the series are going to find some discrepancies. The gate program is housed in Creek Mountain in the movie, but in Cheyenne Mountain in the series. In the movie, Abydos (the planet that the team goes to) is in another galaxy whereas the series has it in our own galaxy.

Despite the inconsistencies and special effects, I’m going to recommend this movie. If you’re looking for a great movie, this is it.


IMDb page

 

Area 51 (2015)

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if my mother’s being serious.  She’ll make something with broccoli and swear that I love it.  I suspect she may be trying to use some psychological trick to get me to eat it.  It may also be that because she’s seen me eat it before that she honestly thinks that I like it.  I keep telling her that not complaining isn’t the same thing as liking.  Netflix seems to have a similar problem.  They seem to think that sitting through a movie is the same thing as liking it.  Just because I didn’t set my computer on fire while watching one movie doesn’t mean that I’ll like other similar movies.

Take the movie called Area 51.  It’s a found-footage movie about a guy named Reid who wants to break in to, of all places, Groom Lake.  (Groom Lake is commonly referred to as Area 51.)  Reid brings along two friends, Darren and Ben.  Darren is eager to go while Ben doesn’t think that Reid will go through with it.  They’re a little hesitant to meet Jelena, but her father worked in Groom Lake until he started asking questions.  She has information that could be useful.

Well, she gets Darren, Reid and herself in while Ben waits for them in the car.  Amazingly, they just run past security and manage to get all sorts of shaky footage of top-secret stuff, including a UFO.  It all comes to an end when they trip an alarm and have to run out while being chased by armed guards and what I assume is a tall, thin alien.  As you might guess from the found-footage status, things don’t end well for the four main characters.

The Blair Witch Project seems to be the go-to movie for found footage and for good reason.  When it came out in 1999, it was all new and edgy and people were so scared and everything.  While movies before it had used the plot device, The Blair Witch Project was the first to get some attention.   Area 51 came out in 2015.  It doesn’t seem to have contributed much to the idea.  It’s the same concept of someone finding footage and presenting it to the public.

Lunopolis, which I liked, dressed it up as a documentary.  With Trollhunter, we at least had people making a documentary when they stumble upon the truth.  Europa Report was about a scientific mission.  Here, there’s no compelling story.  The characters aren’t really that likable.  There’s nothing special about the movie other than the topic.  You have three guys that manage to luck their way into a secure facility only to meet an ambiguous ending and I didn’t even care.

Most of it is the lack of a real story.  The first third of the movie is pure filler.  The next third is suspense.  The last third is a bunch of shaky camerawork and some somewhat interesting special effects.  I feel like we could have cut out the first half of the movie and used some minor exposition to explain how we got to Las Vegas.  (“What’s whith him?”  “Oh, he was abducted by aliens and now he’s obsessed.”)

Also, Reid manages to break into an employee’s house and steal a badge and a bottle with a fingerprint.  Ok.  I get that you need a fair amount of suspension of disbelief to get them in, but it seems odd to me that it’s possible to steal and use a badge and a fingerprint that easily.  This isn’t even accounting for the fact that they guy who was robbed probably would have reported the missing badge immediately.  (I guess he was too embarrassed that it was stolen so easily.)

And could someone please tell me how three people can walk around a secure facility without being noticed?  It would make more sense to have them caught and use the found footage during interrogation.  The only problem would be explaining how the footage got out at all, but I don’t think it would be that hard to come up with something.

I had wanted to watch the movie all the way through to see if anything interesting happened.  I was sorely disappointed.  I’d recommend skipping this one.  The shame of it is that Netflix has been recommending other similar found-footage movies.  Those, I’ve stopped watching about halfway through.  I can only hope that Netflix doesn’t count that as a like.

IMDb page

District 9 (2009)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

I saw District 9 in the theaters.  I had been hearing a lot about how new and different this movie was.  I’ve found that rarely do movies live up to such a claim.  However, I love a good science-fiction movie, so I decided that this would be one of those movies I shell out $10 for.  I’m not saying that it was the wrong choice, but I’m not saying that you missed anything if you waited, either.

The movie opens with footage of an alien spaceship hovering over Johannesburg, South Africa.  At first, humans didn’t know what to make of it.  The ship was just hovering in place.  There was no communication or attempts by the aliens to leave the ship.  So, humans break in to the ship to find a bunch of aliens.  (No surprise there.)  The actual name of the alien race is never used, as their language is as different as their appearance.  (They look and talk like giant insects.)  Humans use the derogatory term Prawn.

The Prawn just want to go home.  For unknown reasons, their ship can’t take them back.  This doesn’t mean that humans aren’t interested in the ship or its technology.  A company called MNU wants to use said technology, but can’t; it’s been engineered only to work with Prawn DNA.

Humans don’t want anything to do with the actual Prawn, so the Prawn are condemned to live in a series of ghettos called districts.  This is where Wikus van de Merwe comes in.  He’s your everyday cubicle dweller that’s just been promoted.

He’s been put in charge of telling the prawn that they’ve been evicted and are being relocated to District 10.  Wikus has absolutely no empathy for the Prawn.  He has no problem going in and destroying the eggs of unborn Prawn only because their parents didn’t get the appropriate permit to have children.  He’s also searching the living quarters for any contraband.  In so doing, Wikus accidentally sprays himself with some sort of alien chemical, changing things for everyone.

In case you haven’t seen the movie yet, I won’t ruin the rest of it for you.  There’s no point in doing that.  I will say that the movie did seem to have elements in common with other movies.  True, aliens are nothing new.  Even the idea of aliens stranded on Earth is nothing new.  We have Alien Nation for that.  Maybe I’m just trying to detract from the movie, but while watching it, I kept thinking of other movies that used a lot of minor details.  As a whole, the movie is new, or at least a new combination of said details.

The movie is, ultimately, about how we treat those less fortunate.  Wikus represents the attitude of not caring, even when looking right at the Prawn and seeing what we make them go through.  That doesn’t change until he becomes an object of attention, and even then, he’s still looking out for his own interests.

This is where it’s hard to condemn the movie.  It does have a great script and is a story worth watching.  I don’t know that I would have seen it in the theaters again, but I definitely think it was worth watching.  Yes, there is a possibility of a sequel, but I don’t know if that was the intent.  I really don’t know how a sequel would work, but I’d definitely be interested in seeing it. 

Official Site (Sony)

IMDb page

Explorers (1985)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

There are a lot of movies that I remember from growing up.  The problem is that I don’t remember any of them well enough to write a review of them.  This is where Netflix comes in handy.  I’ve recently been going through movies that I remember from years past.  I had actually all but forgotten about Explorers.  One day, while goofing around on Wikipedia, I came across the movie and decided to look it up.  Lo and behold, there it was, available for streaming.

I remembered very little about it, except that it was about three teenagers that manage to build a spaceship based on some dreams that one of them was having.  They manage to leave Earth and are taken aboard an alien spaceship, where they make some new friends.  There were a few throwaway lines and jokes, but that was about it.

Ben Crandall is the kid with the dreams.  Ben sees himself floating over what he believes is a circuit board.  He remembers enough of it to show to his nerdy and unfortunately named friend, Wolfgang Muller.  Wolfgang recognizes enough of it to build something.  Along for the ride is Darren Woods, a kid that helped Ben with some bullies.

Amazingly, the prototype is able to work.  It even downloads some instructions.  Wolfgang manages to figure out what’s going on; it’s creating a stable force field.  He can even manipulate it.  They make it big enough for a small home-made vessel to fit in.  When it develops a mind of its own, they shut it down, but make another attempt not long after.

The vessel is brought on to an alien ship.  After being split up, they meet some aliens.  The aliens really like Earth (read: American) culture.  All they want to do is meet some humans.  The five of them hang out for a while before the humans are basically told that it’s time to go.

I have to admit that nostalgia played a huge part in rewatching this film.  I probably would have passed on watching it had I not seen it as a child.  I remembered liking it when I first saw it, but not so much now.  From what I’ve read, it was rushed to theaters, but it does have a complete look to me, even if just barerly.  I’m wondering if there were other scenes that were meant to be filmed but left out.

It’s kind of weird to think of a few teenagers making a functional spaceship off of a lucid dream.  (Granted, they did have help.)  It’s the kind of thing that, if done well, could have spawned a sequel or a TV series.   It seemed to me that the aliens got a small amount of screen time.

It’s definitely a movie that children could enjoy.  There’s not much violence, other than Ben being beaten up.  You don’t have any adult themes.  It’s just three kids going on an adventure.  Do they give up after a few setbacks or do they go into the great unknown?  There is a great deal of trust in restarting the project.

All things considered, I don’t regret rewatching the movie.  It was still kind of fun to see.  I’d recommend checking it out if you have kids.  The aliens are kind of goofy, but I don’t think would be scary for children in grade school. 

IMDb page

Galaxy Quest (1999)

It’s funny how one show or movie can become a cultural icon while others of similar quality are never noticed.  Even those who have never seen Star Trek would probably know the names of the ship and at least a few of the characters and main races.  This is what makes it perfect for parody.  Everyone gets the joke on some level.

Galaxy Quest starts off at a convention for a show called, appropriately enough, Galaxy Quest.  The main actors didn’t have much of a career outside of doing conventions, promotions and whatnot in character.  (Alexander Dane, played by Alan Rickman, is never seen without his prosthetic forehead, even during the one scene where he’s in normal clothing.)

Tim Allen plays Jason Nesmith.  Jason Nesmith plays the captain of the NSEA Protector.  At a convention, he overhears what a washed-up, good-for-nothing, unpopular person he his.  He realizes that it’s true and takes it out on a group of fans.  On his way out, he talks a group seeking his help.  This group happens to be actual aliens in need of actual help.  When they approach Nesmith at his house, Nesmith is hung over.

He still agrees to go with them, thinking it’s some other job.  Little does he realize that he’s actually supposed to negotiate with a hostile alien named Sarris.  It isn’t until he’s sent back home that he realizes that any of it was real.  His fellow actors dismiss him as drunk until the aliens show up again, requesting further help.  Everyone goes, including an actor who had appeared only as an extra in one episode.

They soon realize that the Thermians are advanced enough to build a replica of the ship from the show, but have no idea that the show was a work of fiction, which apparently doesn‘t exist in their culture.  They refer to the episodes of Galaxy quest as historical documents, thinking that the actors are actually astronauts.

The actors play along until they realize that all Nesmith did was to aggravate Sarris and subsequently get his ‘crew’ into danger.  The second incident with Sarris goes poorly, resulting in a badly damaged ship, which they do manage to repair.  Sarris eventually attacks the ship again, nearly winning.  With a little help, the day is saved.

Very few of the jokes are specific enough that you’d have to watch the series to get them.  Some of them are more generic, like having to race through an improbable obstacle course.    Some do require a bit more knowledge, like references to particular characters.  (Sigourney Weaver plays Gwen DeMarco, shown to be little more a love interest for the captain.)

The movie is almost like an accidental A-Team movie with a Star Trek twist.  Sure, the abducted-by-naïve-aliens thing has been done before.  Sure, coming through despite not really being able to has been done before.  Sure, I’d love to see if they try a sequel.  (So far as I know, the last one is still in the speculation stage.)

It comes across as a movie that makes its point without being preachy.  It pokes fun at the people without being insulting.  (Isn’t it every fan’s dream to help out the star of their favorite show?)  I don’t know that it would make my list of top ten films, but it does find that balance of being fun and being smart.  I’d recommend watching it if you get a chance.

IMDb page

They Came from Beyond Space (1967)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

You wouldn’t think that meteorites hitting the Earth would be a big deal.  Objects fly through our solar system and tend to hit the outer planets, but do occasionally make it through to ours.  Most of those burn up in our atmosphere, but a few do manage to land on the surface.  When that happens, I wouldn’t think to send out a team of top-notch scientists to investigate.  So, what’s so unusual here?  The meteorites land in a chevron formation.

So, the team goes out.  Dr. Curtis Temple, unfortunately, has to stay back.  He was in an accident and has a metal plate in his head.  His doctor just cannot let him go on the expedition.  So, Dr. Temple stays behind and curses his misfortune.  The biggest find in his lifetime and he has to sit it out.

When the expedition arrives at the site, everything is as boring as you might expect.  They’re taking soil samples and rock samples biological samples and sample samples.  When they closely examine one of the rocks, they’re taken over by aliens.

The aliens apparently exist as energy; they can thus impose their will on someone and use the host’s memories to their advantage.  They can use the scientists knowledge of science to design a space ship.  When they need money, one of the aliens can go to the bank and empty out the host’s bank account or, better yet, take over a banker so that the alien can approve a loan.  They can take over other people for manual labor or whatever else they need.

Dr. Temple’s luck seems to change when one of the other scientists comes back and invites him to visit the site.  He’s assured that his doctor signed off on it, but he becomes suspicious when someone else takes one look at him and says that there must have been some mistake and kicks him out of the car.

Well, doctor’s approval or not, Dr. Temple is going out to the site to find out what’s going on.  When he arrives, his assistant/love interest, Lee Mason, comes to the gate and tells him to get lost.  Of course, it’s so unlike her that Dr. Temple is now very suspicious.  He has to find out what’s going on despite being chased off several times.

He does eventually make it on to the property and learns several things.  For starters, the aliens are building a large rocket ship that launches from a lake.  Second, he’s immune to the aliens’ mind control, presumably due to his metal plate.  Thirdly,  they have a large underground complex where they can hold him until they finish their nefarious plans.  (Speaking of which, they refuse to say exactly what those nefarious plans are.  Go figure.)

So, Dr. Temple manages to escape, take a few of the space pistols and abduct Ms. Mason.  He goes to a friend’s house hoping that the friend can help him.  By melting some silver trophies, they learn that it is Dr. Temple’s metal plate that prevents the mind control.  They also learn that the space pistols have a setting that will rid a host of the alien presence…permanently.  With this knowledge, they can hopefully rid the world of the aliens.

I bought this movie (yes, I paid money for it) as part of a ten-movie set.  All of the movies are public domain, meaning that St. Clair Vision (or its parent company) didn’t have to pay a penny for the rights.  I really wonder sometimes if anyone actually decides which movies to use or if they just take the first nine or ten movies that they can get a hold of.  They Came From Beyond Space wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great either.

The film transfer was decent, but had frequent and obvious flaws.  Those of us that grew up in the 80s will remember seeing a movie in the theater towards the end of its first run or seeing the movie in a dollar theater.  If you waited too long, you’d see a movie that had lots of lines and blips, which were flaws in the actual film from having been run too many times.  It looks like they transferred the movie from one of these reels.  It wasn’t enough that I couldn’t watch it, but it was annoying.

Also, the visual effects left something to be desired.  The rocks glowed, but seemed low-tech.  Also, there’s was the psychedelic knock-out effect used whenever someone was stunned by the ray gun.  This may very well have been cutting edge at the time, but those that grew up on modern effects may laugh at this one.

I also wonder why there’s always one guy who’s immune and he always a theory as to why.  (The theory usually proves correct, or at least close enough to the truth to be of use.)  Also, the person who’s immune is usually the curious type, such as Dr. Temple.  Personally, if I pulled up at a gate and was told by several people (including someone I knew) to go away, I’d probably go away, even if I was suspicious.  If I really felt like pushing the matter, I’d probably get outside help at that point.  I wouldn’t wait until I was captured to consider getting someone.

Also, the movie is 90% buildup.  Now, I’m not saying that I want all the secrets given away in the beginning, but I don’t think that an 85-minute movie should wait until the last five minutes to tell the audience what’s going on.  Whenever Dr. Temple asks anyone what’s going on, he’s told something about the work being very important, but isn’t given any details.  He and his friend literally have to go to great lengths to get any answers.  Once the endgame is in play, the answers come all at once.

I’m not sure where the title comes from.  I mean, there’s the Earth and then there’s outer space.  What’s beyond space?  I don’t know.  At the very least, it’s an interesting way to waste some time.  For a movie released in 1967, it’s pretty good.  I just don’t think that it’s the best movie that science fiction has to offer. 

IMDb page

snagfilms.com (full movie)

Monsters (2010)

Usually, synopses are pretty accurate. Not always, but usually.  Netflix has Monsters listed as an alien-invasion movie, but it’s not at all what I expected.  Instead of aliens coming in with guns blaring, it’s more of the invasive species type.  According to the movie’s timeline, a probe was sent out into space.  It returned with some sort of aliens.  When the probe crashed in Mexico, said aliens begin to multiply.  The entire northern part of Mexico is now quarantined.

Andrew Kaulder is a photojournalist who’s suddenly tasked with finding Samantha Wynden  and getting her the heck out of Mexico and back to the United States.  He wants to stay, as he’s in the area because of the monsters.  Getting the right photograph pays well.  However, Sam is the boss’s daughter, making her the priority.  So, he gets her to the coast only to find that it costs $5,000 to buy a ferry ticket back to the United States.

This isn’t a big problem at first.  Then, Andrew gets drunk, which leads to him getting drunk.  This gives a one-night stand the opportunity to steal their passports.  Now, Sam has to give up her engagement ring to get both of them home by land, which is a lot more dangerous.  This leads to a several-day journey where they survive and bond.  We learn about Sam and Andrew and those that are waiting for them at home.

I should warn you that the movie starts with the story’s last scene, which does kind of give things away.  I’m not crazy about this kind of movie, but I was able to get past it.  My big issue was that I was expecting more from the aliens.  Yes, they’re an ever-present threat, but they seem to only come out at night.  The only time you see them during the day is when they’re dead.  Mostly, this is done to add to the suspense.  You can’t quite see all of them, but you get to see enough that you no there might be trouble.  There are maybe two or three scenes where we get some suspense.

Instead, the movie is more about the two people that are being drawn closer together by shared risk.  Andrew is down there basically on business.  We never really find out why Sam is there.  They’re the opposites that eventually attract.

I did like watching the movie.  As a movie, it’s an interesting way to spend 93 minutes.  There is room for potential.  Very few are given about the aliens.  People will comment on mating habits and stuff, but that’s about it.  We don’t find out which planet they come from.  (It’s implied that they’re from within our own solar system.)  I don’t think they were even given a name.

The angle of an invasive species could have worked well against the backdrop of Mexico and the issue of illegal immigration.  For that matter, an invasive species could have worked well in its own right, showing us what happens when something comes in and displaces the local species.  Not much was really done in either regard.  We have a wall between the U.S. and Mexico that serves as a finish line, but that’s really about it.

IMDb shows Monsters: Dark Continent with a release date of November 28, 2014 in the UK, but it looks like there’s very little connection between the two movies.  The directors and writers are different.  I’m not sure what the story will be with that, but I would be interested in seeing it when I get the chance.


Official site

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

It’s funny how the 80s are full of movies that are basically content to stay there and we, as an audience, are content to leave them there.  Killer Klowns From Outer Space is a movie that I think most people would be happy to leave in the 80s.  Why did I rent it?  I’ll get to that later.  First, I’ll explain what the movie is about.

Mike and Debbie are making out in the back of a truck when they see a streak of light in the night sky.  At Debbie’s insistence, they follow it.  A farmer and his dog find the spaceship first, only to be captured by a giant clown.  As you might expect from a giant clown in an 80s film, the spaceship outwardly appears to be a giant circus tent.  Yes, this might appear odd in a forest if not for the fact that the ship is so deep in the forest that you can’t see it from outside of the forest.

When Mike and Debbie arrive, there’s no trace of the guy that was there earlier, meaning that there‘s no one to warn them not to go in.  What do they do?  They find an entrance and go in.  They find all sorts of things you might expect from a circus-tent-shaped space ship with giant clowns in an 80s film.  They have popcorn and cotton candy.  The thing is that everything has a sinister purpose.

Mike and Debbie soon discover that the alien clowns are kidnapping people and using them for food.  They have to warn someone, so they go to the sheriff.  The sheriff doesn’t take them seriously, of course, but Debbie used to date the deputy.  The three of them go back in an effort to protect the town and, possibly, the whole world.

I don’t think I need to go into detail about the rest of the movie.  Being an 80s B-movie about clowns, there’s a lot of cheesy stuff, a lot of slapstick and a lot of stuff I’ve forgotten about already.  And, of course, the town ends up safe and the clowns won‘t be going on to bother anyone else.  The entire thing comes across as over-the-top cornball by today’s standards.  Even by 80s standards, it would have had to have been very corny.

I don’t think modern writing and effects could have saved this movie.  It’s hard to take the movie seriously as either a horror film or as a comedy.  If you were wondering why I rented this movie, you’re probably still asking yourself the same question.  Why would I sit through the entire thing?  I had actually been looking for another movie.  I’m pretty sure it involved clowns that were used as hit men, but stopped shooting at the main characters because it was time to take a lunch break.  This wasn’t the movie, so if this sounds at all familiar, please leave a comment.

I got Killer Klowns From Outer Space free on demand, so I didn’t really lose any money.  It was entertaining enough that I wanted to see how it ended.  If I had paid money for this, I think I would have felt cheated.  If the movie comes on TV or you can otherwise get it at no cost, go for it.  Otherwise, I’d think twice. 

IMDb page

Killer Klowns from Outer Space | Trailer | 1988

Hangar 18 (1980)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

There are some movies that were destined to be filler.  It used to be that on a Sunday afternoon, you’d turn on the TV and catch some old, generic movie halfway through.  These were the movies that the station didn’t have to pay much for in terms of royalties, so they could easily use a few of them when they didn’t have any original programming to use.

When you have access to movies, either on demand or through streaming, you get a lot of these movies.  I have access to Netflix’s vast selection of movies.  Many are ones that that they didn’t want to (or couldn’t) buy on DVD, but can probably rent the rights to for little or no money.  Customers get access to another title and you don’t have a disc collecting dust on a shelf somewhere.

This is how I found out about Hangar 18.  It’s a movie about three astronauts launching a satellite.  It’s just your ordinary, run-of-the-mill satellite-launching missions until a blip shows up on their screen.  You wouldn’t think a blip would be that big of a deal, except that the satellite crashes into it.  (Oops!)  The blip turns out to be a flying saucer that crashes on Earth.  Two astronauts, Price and Bancroff, manage to make it back safely, but a third astronaut is killed by debris from the actual collision.

At first, Price and Bancroff consider themselves lucky.  That is, until they wake up the next morning to find out that they’ve been blamed for killing the third astronaut.  There are people that can help them, but the conspicuous lack of evidence is a problem.  The wreck has been collected and taken to the titular Hangar 18.  Any data that was recorded has been erased or doctored.  So, the two set off to find some proof.

Meanwhile, the team studying the ship manages to get it open without hurting anyone or doing any serious damage.  By sheer luck, they manage to access the information in the ship’s computer.  They come to realize that the aliens have been gathering information on things like power plants and other important structures.  They even bear an uncanny resemblance to us.  (Yes, there’s a reason for that.)

There’s a lot of evidence that not only are they doing recon on us, but this probably is just a small piece of a large fleet.  Should we be afraid?  Undoubtedly.  Is there a total lack of people wondering where the rest of the aliens are?  Most definitely.  Instead of trying to figure out how to deal with the threat, those in charge go the Marvin the Martian route:  blow it up.

This was not a very good UFO story.  I could see this being the pilot for a TV show, sort of like V or something.  You have an alien race that’s going to potentially destroy us.  Instead, it’s like someone had that idea, but couldn’t get the project going, so they just made the pilot into a movie and ended it there.  We never get to see the mother ship.  We never get to see other aliens trying to find their lost comrades.  The potential for aliens coming later on to finish the job is never really dealt with.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 used this film for one of their episodes, which should tell you something.  I’d be interested to see if I can get that just to see what they did with the movie.  It runs for 97 minutes, which is just short enough that it would work.  It’s not a total waste of two hours, especially if you’re making fun of it.

It was released in July of 1980, right around the time that you had other similar movies, like Close Encounters of the Third Kind and E.T.: The Extraterrestrial.  It also has that dated look that makes you think that the only reason someone approved of this project was to take advantage of the alien craze of the time.  (This movie probably wouldn’t have been released in theaters today. Instead, it probably would have been done by the Syfy channel.)

The movie is safe for teenagers and above.  There is no nudity or cursing, but there are a few gunfights and an accident.  It’s not a particularly exciting movie, regardless.  I’d say if you can get it for free streaming, give it a try.  Don’t waste a queue slot on this if you’re using Netflix.  If you have the one-at-a-time plan, you’ll regret wasting the spot. 

IMDb page

Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

WARNING:   I’m giving away the entire plot, but with this movie, that doesn’t say much.

I saw this title on Netflix when looking for new movies to watch. (After watching The Running Man, I was looking for other movies that Jesse Ventura had been in.) Before renting the movie, I took a look on Epinions. There were two other reviews on it. Both reviewers gave the film one star, mentioning that the film had very few redeeming qualities. The movie was suddenly elevated to bad-accident status. I know I shouldn’t have gotten it, but I just couldn’t look away. Both of the previous reviews were accurate.

Ventura plays this alien police officer named Abraxas. He’s a ‘finder’ who’s after a renegade finder named Secundus, who’s on Earth to find someone to impregnate. If successful in impregnating a woman, the woman will bear a child that bears the formula for anti-life or something like that. This will give Secundus immortality and unlimited power, which he almost has as a finder. (Apparently, almost isn’t good enough.)

Secundus finds Sonia, who’s played by Marjorie Bransfield. He puts his hand on her, his hand glows, and she’s giving birth five minutes later. Not only can she do this with her clothes on, I don’t recall seeing any blood or other liquids or anything. (I think something like that would be obvious since it’s snowing.) Also, she’s able to get up and walk to her parents’ house. Secundus is transported away and imprisoned. Abraxas is supposed to kill Sonia, but can’t bring himself to do it. He goes on to his next assignment and Sonia and child attempt to go about their business.

No one believes Sonia’s story. Her parents disown her and it’s difficult for Sonia to get a birth certificate for her son, who she names Tommy. Things get more difficult since Tommy is deliberately mute. In every other respect, he seems like a normal human. (With all of the tests, it’s surprising that no genetic anomalies were found, especially considering that on a genetic level, Secundus’s blood shows up as non-human.) It’s getting close to Tommy’s sixth birthday and as far as anyone can tell, he’s a normal child that just won’t talk.

To make matters worse, Tommy’s being bullied at school. The principal, played by Jim Belushi, would rather kick Tommy out of school than deal with the bullies. He says that his school is a normal school for normal children. When Sonia suggests punishing the bullies, the principal has an “oh, yeah; I’ll try that” kind of attitude. His acting is so bad in this, I can’t tell if it was meant to be sarcastic or if the principal really hadn’t thought of that. It almost seems like Belushi had been brought in five minutes before the scene and barely had the time to learn his lines.

About that time, Secundus breaks out of prison and returns to Earth to find his son and extract the secret to anti-life. Abraxas is sent after him to prevent him from finding Tommy. Both land on Earth with no weapons. They just have their clothes and these computerized assistants called answer boxes that seem to know everything. (The also serve as a communication link to Finder Central Command.) Somehow, Secundus knows just what he needs to know. He steals a car and magically knows how to drive it. He also knows where to go to look up Tommy and Sonia and actually knows how to use the computer and what their names are. When he gets the information, he doesn’t need to get directions. However, he doesn’t know how to order from a menu and he doesn’t know what a stripper is.

Abraxas is apparently much more successful in finding Tommy and Sonia and is able to protect them. Abraxas is constantly prodded by central command to kill the child, but Abraxas decides not to, citing that the child isn’t the problem. It’s Secundus that has to be dealt with. Eventually, after a cat-and-mouse game, Secundus catches up with Tommy and starts going through this elaborate routine to get Tommy to cough up the anti-life formula. Fortunately, Abraxas is able to stop Secundus in time. Everyone lives happily ever after.

Like I said, I’m not giving away much. The writing is the worst and the acting is almost as bad. Bransfield and Ventura were the only two notable major actors. The special effects are mostly cheap. The pyrotechnics are similar to the Highlander series. The rest of the movie is part Superman, part Terminator and part Top  Secret! in a b-movie kind of way. It’s incredibly corny. For instance, Abraxas will be 11,861 years old “next Tuesday.” (It always amazes me that aliens can convert to Earth years so quickly.)

The DVD has the movie and some notes, but the notes aren’t really that notable. It’s just some stuff about Jesse Ventura. Had it not been for Netflix, I wouldn’t have gotten this movie. If you catch it late one night on TV, it might be enough to compel you to go back to bed. Otherwise, don’t bother.

badmovies.org review

They Live (1988)

Note:  This is a review that I've reposted from my Epinions account.

Sometimes, a premise sounds so ridiculous that I just have to watch the movie. When I came across They Live, I realized that I had found such a movie. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper plays Nada, a construction worker who drifts into town looking for a job. On the job that he gets, he meets Frank, who’s played by Keith David. Frank leads Nada back to an area with tents that a lot of the homeless people in the area live.

When strange things start happening at a church across the street, Nada becomes curious. He finds several boxes and an elaborate chemistry setup. Frank, who’s far less curious, advises Nada to simply leave things alone. When the church and homeless area are raided, Nada finds himself in a position to do just the opposite. After everything has calmed down, Nada goes back into the church and finds the boxes, which are full of sunglasses.

I know that you’re thinking that sunglasses don’t make for an interesting plot point, but these are no ordinary sunglasses. These sunglasses allow the wearer to see the world as it really is, at least in black and white. Every sign, billboard, magazine or other printed medium bears some subliminal message. Messages range from things like “Obey” and “Submit to authority” to “Marry and reproduce”. To make matters even more interesting, there are aliens living among us.

After a knockdown, drag-out fight, Nada convinces Frank to put on the glasses. The two then manage to find the group that made them, which happens to be a rebel group fighting the aliens. The aliens plan to take over humanity by making us passive. They then use us to mine our own planet. Most of the population is unaware of what’s going on, but there are a select few that are so lulled by the good life that they can be told what’s going on. Somebody has to do something about this and Nada is the man to do it.

This is one of those movies that I probably never would have found out about without the aid of NetFlix. I don’t recall ever hearing about it when it first came out. (Then again, I was only twelve at the time.) This is one of those movies that could have done with a lot more detail. I think that it could survive as a miniseries or even a regular TV series.

Very little is said as to why the aliens are here, other than for our resources and cheap labor. The resistance group was never really built up. Even the ending left something to be desired. The only part of the movie that lasted any length of time was a fight scene between Frank and Nada. (Speaking of which, why was frank so resistant to putting on those glasses?)

Ultimately, this is a three-star movie. Nothing about the movie is spectacular, but it is entertaining for an hour and a half. I’d recommend it to people who are just looking to watch something without thinking about it too much. From what I’ve read, it was supposed to be making fun of our consumer society, but I didn’t get that so much. Yeah, there were a few plot points that seemed to beg us to wake up, so to speak, but overall, the movie just seemed like a movie.

Alien Uprising (U.F.O.) review

WARNING:  I’m going to give away major details.  This is necessary to pick apart the movie.  If you want to watch the movie, which I advise against, I’ll understand if you want to bookmark this page and come back later.


I’ve been reposting a lot of reviews from Epinions, mostly because there are a lot of old reviews that I’d like to get on here.  For example, I have a list of the ten movies I consider to be the worst.  I’d like to repost those ten movies before putting up the top-ten list.  I have gotten around to finishing a few reviews of movies I saw before Epinions closed, but I haven’t been watching a lot of new movies over the past few months.  I finally decided to get back to watching movies and I may have found a new addition to my list of ten worst movies.

The story starts with several friends at a party.  Michael is a lieutenant in the SAS.  He manages to hook up with a hot woman named Carrie.  Robin, his friend, asks Dana to marry him after a three-year courtship, only to start an argument with her.  Vincient, their other friend, drinks a lot, fails at picking up women and finishes his night by puking.  In the morning, they find that anything plugged in doesn’t work; the powers out.  Their cell phones still have a charge, but no reception.  Cars still work, but gas may prove to be limited.

One night, an alien ship appears in the sky.  It doesn’t do anything aggressive, but people freak out.  It’s the sort of looting, robbery and mayhem you’d expect.  It’s decided that Michael and Carrie will go to get bullets for his gun, leaving the others to fend for themselves.  That doesn’t go so well.  Michael and Carrie have to rescue a girl from an accident that they caused.  Also, finding fuel is next to impossible, as the army took all of it.  Then, there’s some vagrant that harasses the others about some bible verse, 24:36.  As if that wasn’t weird enough, the clocks go out at 12:36.

Michael and Carrie get back with the girl just in time to see Dana rescued by some military personnel.  (Some sort of drone was about to do her in.)  Everyone’s about to hightail it out of there when the vagrant shows up again, saying that they’re all in league with the devil.  They have to shoot the vagrant, who accidentally kills Robin.

The rest of the people go off to find a military buddy of Michaels named George.  George is played by Jean-Claude Van Damme.  George’s main contribution to the movie, other than being played by an actor I recognize, is to give the group information.  He has some sort of radio that picks up alien transmission.  He demonstrates by turning it on.  He reveals that he’s had an affiliation with Area 51-type stuff and that the radios are alien technology.

Here’s where I ruin the ending for you.  George and the military people all get killed.  Carrie kills Michael, then gets picked up by the aliens.  Vincent tries to rape Dana in front of the girl right before the power comes back on only to reveal Carrie (or a Carrie look alike) delivering a report that it‘s now safe for humans to come out.  The movie ends with several aliens killing Dana, Vincent and the girl.

I’m not sure how I came across Alien Uprising.  Having Netflix, I have access to lots of streaming movies.  This may have been one that I saved intending to get a quick review for a contest.  Maybe it was recommended to me after watching a Van Damme movie.  Boy, am I sorry I ever found out about this.

It looks like this was the entire run of a television series that was condensed to 101 minutes by removing anything that made any sense.  We are told that there are aliens that look like humans to infiltrate our cities for study.  When the UFO comes in, no aggressive action is taken.  Are they here to study us?  Will they conquer us?  What’s the point?

It’s not clear who strikes the first blow, but I think we’re to assume that a second set of aliens comes to our rescue.  Or is it that a second group attacks us and the first one defends us?  Either way, it’s not clear.  We just see alien ships fighting one another.  George indicates that we’ve known about the aliens for a while, so it’s possible that humans built the ships.

What is the point, though?   With alien-invasion movies, isn’t there supposed to be some sort of message?  Why are they here?  Why do we deserve this?  Is humanity worth saving?  The characters have no redeeming qualities.  Other than the girl, I’m just as happy to see the main characters killed.  They range from flaky to dangerous.  Vincent can’t quite build up the courage to ask Dana out, but ends up attempting to rape her?  Oh, and yes, Carrie is an alien.  At first, she seems to be repulsed by the idea of killing someone.  She’s adamant about saving the girl, but has no problem blowing Michael’s head off.

I was able to watch this through Netflix streaming.  This would be the only case I would recommend watching it, other than if you love bad movies.  (Honestly, I’m surprised that this isn’t on badmovies.org.)  One last thing I’m not clear on :  Why is it called Alien Uprising?  It was released in the UK as U.F.O., which at least makes some sense.  However, an uprising would seem to imply an oppressed group fighting back.  I suppose that it might mean an uprising against the aliens, but humans don’t seem to do much except get killed.  Maybe when my head stops hurting, I’ll figure it out.