Men in Black II (2002)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

Sequels are difficult.  If a movie is successful, there’s pressure to do another one in hopes of making more money.  When the first Men in Black did well, a second MIB was released.  In this installment, we have Agents J (Will Smith) and K (Tommy Lee Jones) returning.  For those that didn’t see the first, K had ‘retired’ by having J erase his memories.  K is now Kevin Brown, a Postal worker.  J has gone through a few partners since the end of the last movie.

J has been successful in helping the MIB to defend Earth against aliens and the like.  One day, though, Serleena shows up.  She’s looking for The Light of Zartha.  She finds someone that may know something.  When information isn’t forthcoming, she kills him in front of a hidden witness, Laura Vasquez.  Serleena eventually takes over MIB headquarters looking for answers.  The problem is that only K knows exactly what and where The Light is.  J has to restore K’s memories and fast.

Once done, K reveals that The Light isn’t even supposed to be on Earth.  The Zarthaians came to Earth hoping that the MIB would protect The Light, but it was too dangerous and they refused.  Serleena isn’t willing to accept this.  She’s intent on getting The Light.  If you’ve seen the coming attractions for Men in Black 3, you can assume that J and K save the day.

I’ll admit that Men in Black II does fall into some of the traps common to sequels.  It did seem to rely heavily on characters from the previous movies.  Frank the Pug has an expanded role in this movie, delivering a few funny lines.  Instead of K being the senior officer bringing J into the organization, J is the one telling K what’s what and hoping that he accepts it.

There are new characters, but there is a sense of familiarity.  It was a big action movie with comedic elements.  You have an alien demanding something that the MIB are at a loss to find.  I didn’t mind.  There was enough original material that it seemed new, overall.  Also, you have Rosario Dawson as Laura.  I can’t say I can complain about that.

Men in Black and Men in Black 2 should be watched in order.  You could probably watch this movie first, but you may miss a few things.  It will also ruin certain elements of the first movie that will be ruined if you watch this one first.  They were meant to be watched in order.  (Men in Black 3 doesn’t seem to rely as heavily on these two movies, although I would still recommend watching in order.)  If you liked the first movie, I’d recommend watching this one.

IMDb page

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

April O'Neil: So, you're…Ninja Mutant Turtle Teenagers?
Donatello: When you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous!


It seems like everything I grew up with is being made (or remade) as a movie.  There’s supposed to be a new live-action He-Man movie.  Pee-Wee Herman is getting a new movie courtesy Netflix.  Star Trek has a reboot of the movie franchise and will apparently be getting a new TV series.  Even Battleship was made into a movie, and a somewhat decent one at that.  I guess it should come as no surprise that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was rebooted.  You get to use a proven idea on a whole new audience.

I don’t recall the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as a kid.  I remember watching the show, but not regularly.  I wasn’t even sure I wanted to watch the new movie.  However, like a lot of movies I’ve seen recently, the fact that Netflix had it streaming played a big part in my decision.  I didn’t have to wait for the DVD to come by mail and I didn’t have to pay for it at Redbox.  I could watch it the first chance I had a few hours to spare.

The basic story is the same.  Four turtles are mutated and subsequently trained by a mutated rat.  The turtles are named for Renaissance artists:  Raphael, Michelangelo, Leonardo and Donatello.  (For some reason, the rat is called Splinter.)  A reporter named April O’Neil discovers their secret and helps them in fighting Shredder and his Foot Clan.

A good chunk of the movie is buildup.  We get to see how the Turtles (and Splinter) came from their humble beginnings in a lab experiment.  At a young age, they were dumped in the sewer and left to fend for themselves, which they did.  Splinter has always been protective of them, but the Turtles feel that they’re ready to go out and fight crime, being that they’re teenagers and all.  Enter Shredder and his Foot Clan.  Shredder is very evil and very powerful while the Turtles have very little practical experience of their own.  Ready or not, the Turtles have to step up.  Will they save the day and live to see a sequel?

Like the prior media, this movie is geared towards a younger audience.  I don’t recall much that would have been geared towards adults, but I don’t think most adults would be watching the clock.  I understand having to introduce the universe to a new audience and have April find the Turtles and all.   At least it was handled well.  If this is your first TMNT movie, I don‘t think anything will drag.

The second half does have some nice action sequences.  Being that they’re Ninja Turtles, this is to be expected.  My only complaint would be that they saved the one big battle for the end.  You’d think we’d get to see more fighting than we did.

There were a few scenes that I think were meant for 3-D.  I wonder how hard it would be to make a set of durable 3-D glasses that could be used for DVD rentals.  I’m thinking that the big obstacle is that 3-D movies are far enough between that people would lose them before using them a second time.  There’s also the issue of possibly needing to have a separate disc for the 3-D version.

It’s kind of hard for me to pan the movie.  For what it is, it was pretty good.  I doubt many people my age will be renting it for themselves, except out of curiosity like I did.  I wasn’t really sure what to expect.  (When you can get the movie streaming, it’s a lot easier to give it a try.)

I wondered if this was another case of someone trying to cash in on the name.  I don’t know that I’m far off.  There are a few throwaway references to the TV shows.   (Vernon Fenwick: So, they're heroes in a half shell?)  For the most part, though, it seems like the movie is trying to stand on its own ad set up a new franchise.  I’m not sure I’ll be sticking around for the sequels, though.

IMDb page

Impostor (2001)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

I remember someone saying that Saturday Night Live skits tended not to make good movies.  The problem was that you were taking something that did well as a short skit and trying to stretch it out into a feature-length film.  Blues Brothers and Wayne’s World both did well.  Both even had sequels.  However, there were a lot of movies that didn’t fare so well with the critics.  Does anyone even remember It’s Pat: the Movie or Stuart Saves His Family?  (It’s Pat was one of the few movies I couldn’t watch all the way through.)

We tend to have a similar problem turning short stories into movies.  Philip K. Dick provided the source for this one.  There have been other movies made from his work, including two based on We‘ll Remember it for you Wholesale.  (They were both called Total Recall.)  It’s understandable, given these movies and others like Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, which became Blade Runner, that people would love to get the movie rights to his work.  Impostor doesn’t seem to fare as well as the other titles.

The movie is based on a short story of the same name.  In the movie, Gary Sinise plays Spencer Olham.  Olham is a scientist working on a bomb to help destroy an alien threat from Alpha Centauri.  The aliens have a pretty powerful weapon of their own. They can replicate a person, give the replicant the memories of the original and send them off with a bomb that doesn’t assemble until the replicant is close enough to the target.  Since the replicant thinks that they’re the original, it’s extremely difficult to detect them.  Olham is suspected of being just such a weapon.

He’s taken from work one day and is about to be killed by Hathaway, but Olham escapes.  With some help, Olham makes it back to the city to get a scan that could prove his innocence, but that doesn’t work.  So, he makes one last-ditch effort to prove he’s really who he says he is.  I’m not going to say what happens, as there’s no point in ruining the movie.

I will say that this would have worked much better as a short movie or as part of an anthology like The Outer Limits.  This is primarily about Olham trying to prove that he’s not a fake.  This can end one of two ways:  Either he’s revealed to be Olham or he’s revealed to be the fake.  You could explore the aspect of what makes a person.  Is it their memories?  Is it biology?  Hathaway even points out that the aliens can’t copy a soul.  As much as a fake might think that they’re real, they can never be the authentic item.

The movie touches on this only briefly.  Instead, we have Hathaway chasing Olham and Olham trying to throw a few curve balls, many of which are kind of weak.  Olham takes an implant that can be used to track him.  It’s been surgically removed to prevent scanners from reading him, but he’s not shown to be given a new one.  I’ll admit it’s possible that only important people, like government employees are given one.  However, the government can still use it to track Olham almost in real time.  He gives it to Hathaway, who eventually realizes that he’s only chasing himself.

Notice that I described the plot in one paragraph, and a short one at that.  There’s really not that much to the movie.  The concept of what’s real and a person’s identity and nature has been done before and has been done better.  I don’t recall this movie being released in theaters.  It came out a little over ten years ago, in 2001.  This was back when I was going to movies more regularly.  Maybe it just wasn’t shown in any major theaters.  Maybe it was just that forgettable.

IMDb page

Pain & Gain (2013)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

I had wanted to see this movie mostly because I live in Miami.  While Pain and Gain was being filmed, I passed by one of the filming locations.  I was curious about the movie, which I knew was supposed to be based on a true story.  The more I heard about the movie, the more I knew I’d be waiting for it on DVD.

The movie is based on a group of criminals called the Sun Gym Gang.  Mark Wahlberg plays Daniel Lugo.  Lugo idolizes self-made people like Scarface and the entire cast of the Godfather movies.  He wants what Victor Kershaw has.  (Kershaw is played by Tony Shaloub.)  Kershaw has a nice house, a Schlotzky’s franchise and tons of money.  Lugo recruits Paul Doyle (Dwayne Johnson) and Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) to help him kidnap and extort Kershaw.

These are not the brightest bulbs in the box.  Look at who Lugo has as role models.  Still, he wants the good life that Kershaw has.  After a failed attempt to get Kershaw into a van, the trio succeeds and brings him to a warehouse.  They eventually get him to sign over everything he has.  The problem is that Kershaw identifies Lugo, so they have to kill him.   As you might expect, they fail at this repeatedly.  (Staging a car crash doesn’t work because Doorbal puts the seatbelt on Kershaw.)

Lugo is the only one that manages to spend his money somewhat wisely.  Doyle snorts all his money and Doorbal tries to fix his sexual dysfunction.  So, they’re off to rob another guy blind.  This time, it’s Frank Griga, who got rich off of phone sex operations.  They invite Mr. and Mrs. Griga to Doorbal’s house to negotiate.  Do I need to tell you how this goes?

Lugo, Doorbal and Doyle are all idiots.  I could see Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne Johnson not realizing how stupid their characters were until it was too late to back out.  It’s like they couldn’t take the characters seriously.  And yes, the characters do get what they deserve.  It’s just a question of when and how.

I commented to my mother that with Breaking Bad, we have someone that doesn’t understand the criminal operations, but knows enough to know when he’s gotten lucky.  He’s also a smart guy in general.  Here, we have three idiots that engage in a comedy of errors.  This is what you get if you cross Breaking Bad with Dumb and Dumber.  My parents and grandmother couldn’t even finish watching it, the plot was that bad.

It did drag on.  About halfway through the movie, it felt like it should be coming to an end.  I’ve heard it described as a comedy.  It’s based on a true story and some liberties were taken (supposedly) to make it more comedic, but I didn’t really see it.  Yes, some scenes were amusing.  You might look at the characters and wonder if they really could be that stupid.  (Living in Miami and having worked in retail, I can say that the movie isn’t far off the mark in that regard.)

The movie took place right after I graduated from high school.  I don’t remember much about the story, probably because it was covered in the Miami New Times.  (Remember:  This is in the days before the Internet was ubiquitous.)  At least I recognized most of the locations.  I was curious how much of the movie revolved around the location I saw on my way to work.  (It was the location used for the Sun Gym.  If you want to look on Google Maps, it’s on the southwest corner of NE 81st Street and Biscayne Boulevard in Miami.  (25.849144, -80.184896)

I think that the one redeeming quality of the movie is that I didn’t have to pay for it.  If you can get it free on demand or someone else is paying for it, go for it.  If not, don’t bother.  Yes, I had to waste two hours and nine minutes of my life, but at least I got a review out of it.  There are several scenes that are actually awkward to watch with others.  I am so glad I didn’t go see this in theaters.

IMDb page

Official site

Galaxy Quest (1999)

It’s funny how one show or movie can become a cultural icon while others of similar quality are never noticed.  Even those who have never seen Star Trek would probably know the names of the ship and at least a few of the characters and main races.  This is what makes it perfect for parody.  Everyone gets the joke on some level.

Galaxy Quest starts off at a convention for a show called, appropriately enough, Galaxy Quest.  The main actors didn’t have much of a career outside of doing conventions, promotions and whatnot in character.  (Alexander Dane, played by Alan Rickman, is never seen without his prosthetic forehead, even during the one scene where he’s in normal clothing.)

Tim Allen plays Jason Nesmith.  Jason Nesmith plays the captain of the NSEA Protector.  At a convention, he overhears what a washed-up, good-for-nothing, unpopular person he his.  He realizes that it’s true and takes it out on a group of fans.  On his way out, he talks a group seeking his help.  This group happens to be actual aliens in need of actual help.  When they approach Nesmith at his house, Nesmith is hung over.

He still agrees to go with them, thinking it’s some other job.  Little does he realize that he’s actually supposed to negotiate with a hostile alien named Sarris.  It isn’t until he’s sent back home that he realizes that any of it was real.  His fellow actors dismiss him as drunk until the aliens show up again, requesting further help.  Everyone goes, including an actor who had appeared only as an extra in one episode.

They soon realize that the Thermians are advanced enough to build a replica of the ship from the show, but have no idea that the show was a work of fiction, which apparently doesn‘t exist in their culture.  They refer to the episodes of Galaxy quest as historical documents, thinking that the actors are actually astronauts.

The actors play along until they realize that all Nesmith did was to aggravate Sarris and subsequently get his ‘crew’ into danger.  The second incident with Sarris goes poorly, resulting in a badly damaged ship, which they do manage to repair.  Sarris eventually attacks the ship again, nearly winning.  With a little help, the day is saved.

Very few of the jokes are specific enough that you’d have to watch the series to get them.  Some of them are more generic, like having to race through an improbable obstacle course.    Some do require a bit more knowledge, like references to particular characters.  (Sigourney Weaver plays Gwen DeMarco, shown to be little more a love interest for the captain.)

The movie is almost like an accidental A-Team movie with a Star Trek twist.  Sure, the abducted-by-naïve-aliens thing has been done before.  Sure, coming through despite not really being able to has been done before.  Sure, I’d love to see if they try a sequel.  (So far as I know, the last one is still in the speculation stage.)

It comes across as a movie that makes its point without being preachy.  It pokes fun at the people without being insulting.  (Isn’t it every fan’s dream to help out the star of their favorite show?)  I don’t know that it would make my list of top ten films, but it does find that balance of being fun and being smart.  I’d recommend watching it if you get a chance.

IMDb page

Men in Black (1997)

Note:  This is a review I originally posted on Epinions.  With the closing of Epinions, I’ve decided to repost many, if not all of my reviews here, on my blog.  I’ve made some minor modifications to reflect any changes that have occurred since first reviewing the movie.  With any luck, I will be doing this at least once per week.

One way of writing an alien movie is the alien-in-disguise, humanity-doesn't-know-the-truth way.  Aliens live among us, but we don't know about it because aliens either look human or can fit into an inconspicuous disguise.  In Men In Black, the title organization protects us from alien threats because, well, no one else is authorized to know that aliens even exist.

The movie starts with agents K and D on a mission.  D decides that it's time to quit.  He misses looking up at the sky and not knowing the truth.  That leaves K to find a new partner.  People are recruited from all manner of organizations, mainly military.  It's James Edward, a New York City police officer, that K seems interested in.  When James becomes Agent J, we get to find out all about the various things that let the MIB stay in the shadows.

To become J, James can  no longer exist.  His fingerprints are removed.  All files are erased.  Anyone that knew James has their memories of him erased with a device called a neuralyzer.  (This device also comes in useful for covering up major incidents.)

Meanwhile, a big bug crashes on Earth and kills Edgar to take his appearance.  You'd think something like this would get out.  Yes, the ship crashes in farmland, but someone has to have seen something.  It has to have made it into a newspaper.  That's where tabloids come in.  We all think they're full of crazy half-baked hoaxes, but they're really the best investigative journalism around.  J and K go to Edgar's house and talk to his wife, Beatrice.  After the interview, she's neuralized and the agents are on their way.  Around the same time, different aliens show up demanding The Galaxy.  The MIB have a galactic standard week (one hour) to find and deliver it.

The movie was based on a series of comic books.  From what I've read, though, there were more than a few changes.  The comic version hat the MIB investigating all sorts of things and could protect their identity however they saw fit.  I don't know how well that version would have done, mostly since I've never read the comics.

It's still a very dark movie.  There are a few scenes that aren't going to be appropriate for children.  For instance, when The Bug takes Edgar's skin as a disguise, you don't see The Bug actually killing Edgar, but you know what's going on.  Also, as the movie progresses, the skin deteriorates.

I remember liking this movie when it first came out.  For some reason, this is one of two movies that I can recall where the sequel seems to get more TV airplay than the original.  (Ghostbusters is the other.)  I'd like to watch it again, but I don't know that I want to rent it.  Two sequels have been made, both of which I‘ve subsequently seen.  I'd still love to get my hands on a neuralyzer.

IMDb page