Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Friday the 13th: The Series -- Season 1 Episode 19 (The Quilt of Hathor)

Effie is a very plain woman.  This is impressive, given that she lives in a village with plenty of plain women.  She’s seeking the attention of the village’s leader, Reverend Josiah Grange.  Unfortunately for Effie, Grange keeps marrying other women.  You might wonder, at this point, if this is a polygamist cult.  It’s not.  They’re more of pseudo-Amish cult.

Actually, Ellie has a quilt that allows her to kill people.  Whenever she goes to bed with the quilt covering her, all she has to do is concentrate on the person she wants to kill.  Effie then dreams of killing that person and the other person dies in real life.  Thus, Effie can kill whoever is betrothed to Grange.

Wouldn’t you know it, but it catches the attention of the good people at Curious Goods.  Micki and Ryan go out to Fake Amish Village to retrieve the quilt. The reason I say Fake Amish is that the group is called the Penitites.  I don’t think that this group exists.  I haven’t been able to find anything on Google.  (It’s possible that the Amish would object to the portrayal, but I doubt it.  It’s more probable that the writers didn’t want to be constrained by accuracy.)

Anyway, Ryan falls in love with Grange’s daughter, Laura.  Too bad for Ryan that she’s engaged to Matthew.  Even worse is that Matthew is the overly jealous type.  Every time Ryan gets near Laura, Matthew attacks Ryan.  Custom would seem to be on Matthew’s side, as women and men aren’t supposed to congregate if they‘re single, so Ryan is advised to stay away from Laura.  Of course, he doesn’t, which leads to a fight around a big fire.  But, still…

The episode ends with Ryan engaged to Laura and Micki returning to the shop with what she thinks is the quilt only to have Jack discover that it’s a fake.  The real quilt is still in Effie’s possession.  They have to get back to warn Ryan!

This episode is so cheesy that they had to split it up over two hours.  That’s how bad it is.  There’s stuff you might expect, like an overabundance of plane dress and words like Ye, Thee and Thou.  There are also a lot of fake beards.  It was as if Ye Olde Fake Beard Emporium had a sale on them.  (“Thou won’t believe our prices!”)

This episode and the next would have made for a nice b-movie.  Maybe it was a made-for-TV movie that got rejected.  Either way, they’d better get that quilt next week.

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