Wild Wild West (1999)

When I was in middle school, we got a new principal.  I think the first interaction I had with her was her coming up and hugging me.  It was is if she were treating us like third graders.  It didn’t make much sense until we found out that she had been teaching at an elementary school the year before.  It took her some time to overcome force of habit.

I thought of that when I saw Wild Wild West.  It’s as if the writers were used to writing movies for small children and this was their first attempt at writing for adults.  Many of the scenarios seem intended for more for adult audiences, but the overall sense of the movie seems to be geared towards a less-sophisticated audience.  (I wouldn’t say it’s geared towards teenagers, but it’s close.)

The movie starts out with James West and Artemus Gordon both looking for one General McGrath.  He’s wanted for murder.  Gordon is inside a brothel dressed as a woman.  West arrives later, having chased a carriage filled with nitroglycerin.  (West, of course, stops the nitroglycerin from going over a cliff at the last moment.)  Arresting McGrath doesn’t go so well.  He escapes and the nitroglycerin is pushed into the building, starting a fire with both West and Gordon still in the building.

The next scene has Gordon and West meeting with President Ulysses S. Grant, both apparently unscathed.  Apparently, McGrath is part of a larger plot.  All anyone knows at the moment is that several top scientists have been kidnapped.  They pursue a lead to New Orleans; Dr. Arliss Loveless is hosting a party there.  In the mansion where the party is being held, West and Gordon find Rita Escobar.  She claims her father is one of the kidnapped scientists.

It turns out that Loveless is the one behind everything.  His plan is to get President Grant to hand over all of America’s land.  He’ll give back certain territories various parties, such as giving back the former colonies to Britain.  He’ll keep the northwest area of the United States for himself to rule over.  The only catch is that Grant won’t surrender.  What follows is a sort of cat-and-mouse game, eventually resulting in Loveless‘s defeat.

I’m not sure exactly where the movie fails.  Will Smith and Kevin Kline play West and Gordon, respectively.  I can’t put it on the acting, though.  The same goes for the directing.  Barry Sonnenfeld also directed the Men in Black movies, which I liked.

I think it has more to do with the writing.   Salma Hayek is given very little to do Rita Escobar other than stand there and look pretty.  She’s not even a McGuffin.  Her character probably could have been written out with very minor changes to the plot.  There are also a few scenes where West and Loveless talk to each other.  Instead of anything useful, the two just insult each other.  West makes jokes about Loveless not having legs and Loveless makes crude remarks about West’s race.  It’s not entirely out of character, but it’s also not entirely necessary or funny.  (On that note, there’s also an Asian character, who’s last name is East, which sets up an obligatory East-meets-West joke.)

I don’t really feel guilty about giving away some of the jokes, as I’m going to have to recommend skipping this movie.  Rather than worry what would happen if you saw it anyway, I’d rather explain why it’s something you’d want to miss out on.  I kind of wish I had been given that warning, myself.  The movie is billed as a comedy, but wasn’t really funny about it.  It felt like a lot of the jokes tried too hard or missed the mark.  I kept watching the movie thinking Salma Hayek could have done better.  Then it occurred to me that this applied to everything about the movie.  There are so many better movies out there.  You shouldn’t have a problem finding one.

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The Prophet (2014)

Almitra is a bit of a troublemaker.  She should be in school, but spends her time taking stuff from local vendors.  This doesn’t earn her any points with the local vendors or her mother.  Kamila is trying to do the right thing and to raise her daughter to do the same, which is what makes it so frustrating.  When Almitra skips school to follow Kamila, Kamila has no choice but to bring the young girl with her to work.

She leaves Almitra with Halim, a uniformed guard who has his own guardhouse and everything.  What kind of job does Kamila have that she has to pass by a guardhouse?  She’s a housekeeper for a man named Mustafa.  Well, technically she works for the government, who is keeping Mustafa under house arrest.  Mustafa is a bit of a troublemaker, too.  He paints and writes, but his subject matter tends to make the government nervous.

Shortly after Kaila and Almitra arrive, Halim’s sergeant shows up; Mustafa is given his freedom, provided that he board a ship and return to his homeland.  Halim and The Sergeant escort Mustafa to the shore where the ship is waiting.  Along the way, they meet several townspeople, who all greet Mustafa as a great man.

Throughout the movie, Mustafa tells people various stories or goes off on tangents.  For instance, he tells Almitra how he’s free, despite being imprisoned, because he can travel with his mind.  Each story is animated differently from the main story, but is narrated by Mustafa.  As the movie progresses, you get the sense of why this guy is so well liked.

The movie is an animated movie released by Gkids in the United States.   It does have a PG rating, though.  There is some violence and what IMDb has listed as sensual images.  I also think small children probably wouldn’t understand what a political prisoner is or why Mustafa is being kicked off the island.  I don’t recall anything that would be objectionable for teens and above.

I had heard of Gibran before seeing this movie, which is what prompted me to watch it.  The movie is based on The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.  I’m not sure of how much the movie resembles the book.  This is one of the few cases, though, where I would want to check it out of the library.  Most novels translate well to the screen, as this did.  I do think there would also be something to be gained by reading the book.  I would imagine that there were parts of the book that could not be adapted to the screen.

I usually try to think in terms of who would like a movie rather than who should avoid it.  However, this one is a little more difficult to place.  I don’t have many other movies to compare it to.  It’s also the kind of movie that will probably speak to people differently.  I’m not sure if it would be available at Redbox or at most libraries.  It is available streaming on Netflix, which would make it easy for users of the service to watch.  If you can, I would recommend it.  Just make sure you’re not doing anything else during the movie.  It deserves your full attention.

Sausage Party (2016)

The first time I heard the term ‘sausage party’ was a Law & Order episode.  A character was using it to refer to a party with an undesirably high ratio of men to women.  (It may take you a moment to get that.  I’ll wait.)  I don’t recall having heard the term much since then.  That’s why, when I came across Sausage Party, I was curious.  I had to wonder how far the writers had gone with the concept.  It looks like they went all out.

The self-aware food items at Shopwell’s grocery store all want to go to The Great Beyond.  A sausage named Frank has plans to unite with Brenda, a bun, in the next life, if only he can stay fresh long enough.  They revere customers as gods.  The gods have the power to take produce to a wonderful life where they’ll be treated well.  They have only a honey mustard squeeze bottle to tell them otherwise.  So convinced is the honey mustard that he commits suicide, imploring Frank to seek out a bottle of Firewater as his last act.

Brenda and Frank are accidentally ejected from their respective packages.  A douche is damaged, meaning he‘ll never be useful.  Brenda and Frank set out an adventure around the grocery store with Douche as the main antagonist.  The sausage and bun find that most of the other food items tend to behave like the stereotypes of their respective countries of origin.  (A German product wants to kill all the Juice, for instance.)  Frank and Brenda meet up with Sammy Bagel, Jr., who sounds like Woody Allen and speaks of his people being displaced.  There’s also a lavash called, I believe, Lavash.  He’s distinctly Arab and doesn’t do much to hide his contempt for Sammy.  (However, both Lavash and Sammy are friends with the hummus.)  Rounding out the party is Teresa del Taco, who is a lesbian.

Frank eventually meets The Immortals, who are all nonperishable foods.  They invented the story of The Great Beyond to keep the other food from freaking out.  The Immortals tell Frank to go to the frozen section to find proof, which Frank eventually has to do alone.  It takes some time and some help, but Frank is able to get the other groceries to revolt against the humans.

The movie might be more appropriately titled Gods and Generalizations.  When you’re trying to play on that many stereotypes, it’s easy to have an epic misfire.  The same goes for the movie’s religious references.  The Great Beyond is little more than a way of placating the population of the grocery store.  I was wondering if a review would even be appropriate.  What would you expect from a movie called Sausage Party, anyway?  This is meant more as a warning to people who want some sort of confirmation.

I mean, you have an literal douche named Douche acting like a figurative douche.  He juices up by basically going down on a juice box.  The female characters don’t seem to hold back on the sex appeal, such as it is.  Oh, and if you were put off by the opening barrage of language, you are not going to want to sit through the final scene with your parents and/or children.  I’m a little hesitant to embed the red-band trailer here due to restrictions by AdSense, but you can easily find it by searching for “Sausage Party Red Band Trailer”.

Most people know what their tolerance is for offensive humor.  This movie will probably push that limit.  I was entertained, but I tend to have a somewhat high tolerance.  It was only the last scene that made me at all uncomfortable.  A few of the other references were unsettling.  I doubt very much that you will be seeing on a broadcast network.  Basic cable, maybe late at night.  This was not intended to be family friendly.  Do not take your children (or parents) to see this movie.

IMDb page