How to Find Really Bad Movies

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Yahoo! Articles account.

Everyone has a list of favorite movies. Ask a friend and they can give you their top five or ten. Sites like NetFlix and Amazon have top hundred lists. But what do you do if you want to find a really bad movie? There are some that are known for being bad, like many of Ed Wood's films. Plan 9 From Outer Space has become famous just for being bad. After reviewing many, many movies on Epinions.com, I began to wonder where I could find the worst movies.

In case you're wondering, if I see a movie that is truly considered bad, I sometimes have to watch it just to see how bad it is. Some are considered entertaining while others are held up as an example of what not to do. Occasionally, I'll even take it as a challenge. I have to watch the movie just to know and even review, myself.

Neither Amazon nor NetFlix has an official bottom 100 list, which is understandable. Amazon sells movies and NetFlix rents them. I doubt that either site wants to waste their time compiling a list of movies that you probably wouldn't want to watch anyway. One user on Amazon did put together a list of their own, located here. This list doesn't seem to be endorsed by Amazon, though.

Rotten Tomatoes is a good place to start. It's technically a review aggregator, meaning that they compile reviews from other sites and give them a score based on the percentage of positive reviews. I've always had a hard time finding a bottom 100 list, although their Wikipedia page does have a list of movies with 0%, meaning that no one liked them.

One site that I really like is badmovies.org. One man has made it his quest to watch and review bad movies every so often. The reviews are well written and there's a wide variety of bad movies. Some, like Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe, I had already seen. Others, like Winterbeast, I had not and had only found out about through the web site.

Internet Movie Database does have a bottom 100 list of their own, located here. The list is the result of IMDb user ratings, so it will vary from time to time. Right now, the list doesn't seem to have many movies I've seen before, so I can't really attest to how good the list is, but I may get around to renting a few if I run out of stuff from badmovies.org.

If you run out of movies from these sites, you can check Wikipedia's list. This has a few that are considered bad for various reasons, although I think a lot of them appear on other lists. With the Wikipedia list, though, you can get much more detailed information.

If that fails, one good way to get some bad movies is to check your on-demand selection if you have access to that. Check to see if there's a free section. A few of the movies are going to be good, but many of the movies in free section are there because your provider doesn't have to pay much for them if anything.

Likewise, you may also be able to find packs of movies ranging from 10 to 100+ movies. Again, these tend to be public-domain movies that the company selling the sets didn't have to pay for. If you can find one of these at a library or very cheap at a yard sale or thrift store, these may be a good idea. I'd use these if you absolutely have to get them or if you can find a collection of relatively decent movies.

If you're looking for bad movies, these ideas should keep you going for a while.

Redneck Zombies (1989)

WARNING:  I am going to pick apart this movie and give away major details. If you truly have the urge to see this horrible movie and don't want spoilers, now would be a good time to stop reading.

There are some movies that are so bad that you have to wonder why anyone bothered to waste everyone's time. You have to get the actors, the cameramen, editors, people to hold the props and lots of other people. This is (presumably) after you've put forth the effort to actually write the script. You'd think that someone would wonder if this is really worth the effort. (I'd imagine that a percentage of projects never make it to viewers, but there's no way of really knowing how lucky I am.) When I saw Redneck Zombies on badmovies.org, I knew I had to see it just to see how bad it could get.

The movie starts with some text telling us about some nuclear waste that was disposed of unless it wasn't because all of the waste was disposed of except that there's a barrel that wasn't or something or other. A lone military officer named Robinson is transporting a barrel of the toxic waste in the back of a jeep. There's no backup, no safety gear, no biohazard suits or anything that would protect Robinson or the general public from this toxic material. So, of course, Robinson goes over a bump and loses the barrel on Ferd Mertz's property. (Yes, his name is actually listed as Ferd.)

Ferd isn't the brightest bulb, even by redneck standards, but he doesn't like people trespassing on his property, even if it is to get rid of toxic waste. He chases Robinson off his property and claims the barrel as his own. Being a below-average redneck, he looks at the "Dangerous: Radioactive" warning and reads it as "Do Not Open Until Christmas." (Seriously.)

Before Ferd can do anything with his early Christmas present, The Clemson Clan (Pa, Jethro, Junior and Billy-Bob) come along. Ferd offers them the barrel to settle a dispute over some moonshine, which they accept. Not being much brighter than Ferd, they mix the toxic waste in with what moonshine they have left and distribute it to the townsfolk without even having a sip for themselves.

Meanwhile, a group of random friends is camping nearby. One of them (Wilbur, I think) knows the perfect area for camping. There's even a pond to piss in. (Be prepared; one camper actually does piss in the pond.) This is a pretty diverse group of people. There's pre-med vet student, a heavy drinker and a guy with a USS John F. Kennedy cap to name a few. Most serve as some sort of joke, such as always wanting to wear a new shirt.

Back at base, Robinson reports that he's lost the barrel. His commanding officer tells him to take as many people back as he needs to find the barrel. So what does he do? He takes two of his fellow officers, one of which is a very stereotypical, very effeminate guy who apparently wouldn't mind hearing banjos during a canoe trip. It doesn't really matter because at this point, most of the townsfolk are already zombies. All three officers become lunch.

Most of the campers have survived to this point, but those that have survived know that something is up. Wilbur seems to think it's a local bear or something on the loose. No one really thinks it's serious enough to call a ranger or the police. You'd think that at the very least, they'd head back. If there was something in the area that could disembowel two of my friends, I don't think I'd want to stick around to become number three.

Instead, when the party does finally come across a zombie, they manage to take it down and have the pre-vet guy do an autopsy, despite the fact that he's not studying people in school and his acid finally kicked in. This makes for a very trippy and very funny autopsy. I think it was actually much funnier than was originally intended.

Given the combined IQ of the characters, it's no surprise that only one makes it out alive and unchanged, although she does actually get raped by a zombie. Yes, she falls down and is raped by a zombie. By some very cheesy special effects, I think it's implied that she's carrying the zombie's child, although it's hard to tell. The ending makes almost no sense.

This isn't to say that the rest of the movie is the pinnacle of clarity. The beginning makes absolutely no sense and everything else seems to be designed to segue from one zombie attack to the next. We even have some minor nudity, but it's in a scene that's so bizarre that it has absolutely no erotic effect at all. (We're talking, "Ok... Moving right along" bizarre.)

This literally looks like someone's project for a film class. I think if I had turned this in, I would have run the risk of being kicked out of the school. There are so many things wrong with this movie that I can't even say it was for the sake of moving the story along. I mean, what self-respecting branch of the military would entrust a barrel of toxic waste to one guy in a jeep? You'd think that if it was so important, they'd spring for appropriate transport.

It also looks like it was shot on VHS tape. I don't know if this was done for effect or if was due to budgetary concerns. This may have contributed to how bad the effects were. (Actually, the only effects were when people were tripping on something.)

It looks like very few of the actors went on to do anything else. If you look on IMDb, you'll see a lot of the actors have only Redneck Zombies listed under credits. (This is why I haven't mentioned any actors' names; it's doubtful that you would recognize anyone.)

I was able to stream this movie through my iPod from Netflix, which saved me the trouble of having to wait for it in the mail and send it back. This movie is just weird. We're talking WTF weird. I'm not even going to get into how bad the original music is. Even Robinson didn't like one of the songs. I think this might explain why one of the campers drank so much. It's not that it was written into the script; I think the actor realized what a POS movie it was and just had at it.

This movie gets one star. Only watch this if you're like me and consider a bad review to be a dare.

Official Site (distributor)

Glen or Glenda (1953)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Yahoo! Articles account.

In looking for bad movies, I came across Glen or Glenda. Glen or Glenda was the first feature-length movie directed by Edward D. Wood, Jr. The movie starts with The Scientist, played by Bela Lugosi, setting up the story. The story starts with the suicide of a transvestite who had been arrested several times for dressing in women's clothing. According to his suicide note, he couldn't bare the thought of going to jail again. One of the officers investigating the suicide seeks the advice of Dr. Alton to better understand what a transvestite is.

Dr. Alton starts by explaining that transvestites, transsexuals, hermaphrodites and homosexuals are all different things. It's possible for a man to want to wear women's clothes without actually being attracted to men. While it's possible that a transvestite may be a hermaphrodite, there are also other causes. Dr. Alton gives the case of Glen as an example. 

Glen is to be married to Barbara. He likes wearing women's clothing and even goes out as Glenda, but is very much in love with Barbara. This causes him a great deal of conflict. He wants to tell her and knows that she deserves full disclosure, but fears that she'll reject him. If he keeps the information from her until after the marriage, he risks making it worse. Worse yet, she's starting to notice signs like his long fingernails. It's only a matter of time before she figures it out.

Dr. Alton also briefly uses the example of Alan, who is actually a pseudohermaphrodite. (A true hermaphrodite has both sets of organs fully developed; a pseudohermaphrodite has one fully developed while the other is partially developed.) Alan grew up as a man, but would dress up as a woman and do housework. He was even sent off to war. When he came back, his true nature was discovered. Alan had surgery to become Anne.

Glen or Glenda is said to be one of the worst movies of all time. While I wouldn't say that it's the worst, it's definitely far from the best. While watching the movie, I wondered if any psychologists or transvestites watched the movie and said, "What a load of crap. Transvestites aren't like that at all." Yes, I know that our understanding of sex and sexual identity change, but it's hard to take the movie seriously. (If anyone would like to comment, I'd live to know the opinion of an actual transvestite about this movie. Also, is that the preferred term?)

Wood, who was himself actually a thing for angora sweaters, seemed to want to paint transvestites in a positive light. Those that don't fit into society's gender roles often face prejudice and persecution. Here, Dr. Alton simply tries to tell it like it is in harsh clinical terms. I can't help but think that the movie could have had more of an impact if it was actually done well. 

The movie was short at 65 minutes and even then had a lot of stock footage. Scenes of traffic were used a lot and lightening bolts were used randomly. There was also a very bizarre dream sequence involving what I assume is the devil. The Scientist also makes a lot of random statements. ("Beware. Beware. Beware of the big, green dragon that sits on your doorstep.") Had a lot of this been taken out, the movie would have been very short, but I think it would have been a lot less confusing.

I do have to give Wood credit for making films that he wanted to make despite not getting much respect in his own time. He made several feature-length films, at least two of which (This one and Plan 9 From Outer Space) were considered to be among the worst of all time. Laugh as you may, here we are more than 50 years later still watching them. I'd say that there's some merit to the films, even as an example of what not to do. At the very least, he had given work to several actors including Bela Lugosi, who apparently wasn't getting much work at the time that this movie was made. 

I'd recommend the movie to someone only to know what they think. I'd love to know what the movie would have been like if it had been properly made. 

Trailer

IMDb page