My Spy (2020)

There are a lot of deep, meaningful movies out there.  You have Life of Pi.  Limitless and The Adjustment Bureau come to mind.  You might even include Inception on the list.  These are movies that give you something new to think about.  They may not be perfect, but they’re intended for an audience who doesn’t mind a complicated plot.

Then, you have Hallmark movies.  They tend to follow a similar plot.  Someone has to go back to a small town where they meet someone and fall in love.  They eventually realize what’s important.  They hit all the marks and you can generally predict what’s going to happen.

My Spy tends towards the Hallmark movies.  I don’t think anyone is going to be surprised by this movie.  In fact, I hesitate to include a trailer because that would give away a lot of the plot.

Take JJ.  He’s a former member of Special Forces.  He’s really good with explosives.  He’s not so good with other people.  When he goes to work for the CIA, he botches his first mission.  Yes, he stopped some bad guys, but the idea was to use those bad guys to catch the even worse guys they were working for.

He’s given one more mission to redeem himself.  He’s partnered with Bobbi, a tech expert, and sent to Chicago to watch Kate and her daughter, Sophie.  Kate’s husband, Victor, was killed by his brother, David.  The hope is that David will contact Kate, who doesn’t realize that she has some important files.

So, JJ and Bobbi set up some cameras in Kate’s apartment.  And it doesn’t take long for Sophie to figure out where they are.  Once she has a camera, she’s able to triangulate where JJ and Bobbi are.  Armed with only her cell phone, she’s able to blackmail JJ into being her friend.

If you’ve ever seen a Hallmark movie, you know that JJ has a lot of learning to do.  He gets good enough that he can survive a few dates with Kate, who is still clueless about who JJ really is.  Kate does eventually figure it out and isn’t too happy about the lie.  Sophie makes friends at her new school because of her association with JJ.  When JJ’s boss discovers what’s going on, JJ and Bobbi are fired.  In the end, everyone is where they want to be.

I have to wonder what actual CIA agents would think of this movie.  First, I don’t think the CIA generally operates on America soil.  Something like this would probably be handled by the FBI.  Honestly, there’s no reason why it couldn’t have been the FBI.  It would have been just as easy to have the opening scene take place somewhere like Detroit.  It wouldn’t even have to be nuclear weapons.

Then, there’s the issue of JJ and Bobbi setting up in the same building as Kate and Sophie.  The same building?  Really?  I think they were on the same floor, even.  Wouldn’t that increase the odds of Kate or Sophie getting to know them?  I get that they would have to be close for the Wi-Fi cameras to work, but there has to be a way around that.  Like, hook it up to a phone line or something.  There has to be an industrial-grade transmitter that they could buy.

I also have to say that Dave Bautista is the weakest link, acting-wise.  He looks the part, but he doesn’t really own the part.  He doesn’t make you think he’s the only one that could play the role of JJ.  It’s a shame because I’ve liked him in other roles.  Chloe Coleman, for instance, plays Sophie to the point that I honestly believe Sophie would make a better CIA agent than JJ.

When I first heard of this movie, I figured it would be a lot like Léon: The Professional, and I wasn’t wrong.  It was more like Léon meets Kindergarten Cop.  It’s one of those overly generic feel-good movies that has a few mild laughs, some gratuitous explosions and a happy-enough ending that no one will really dislike it.  It’s not great, but there are worse movies you could be forced to sit through.

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Stuber (2019)

I remember someone once saying about the character, Frasier Crane, that no psychiatrist would ever act that way.  Any professional therapist would lose their license if they did a tenth of what Dr. Crane did during the run of the series.  This isn’t to say that the show wasn’t funny.  Much of the humor came from someone so intelligent being largely clueless.  The humor came from that disparity.

I don’t think that Stuber was going for that dynamic, though.  Vic Manning would seem to be your typical renegade police officer.  He shoots from the hip and maybe grunts out a few questions later.  The movie starts with Vic and his partner, Sara Morris, trying to take down Oka Tedjo, who sells drugs to kids.   Tedjo gets away, leaving Sara to die.

Cut to some time later.  Tedjo is still on the run.  Vic is still on the job, but his vision isn’t what it used to be.  This leads him to get laser eye surgery, which does require some down time.  Wouldn’t you know it?   Someone gets a lead on Tedjo, prompting Vic to spring into action.  Since he can’t drive, he has to rely on the Uber app, which his daughter thoughtfully installed for him.

Enter Stu, a driver with a 4.1 rating.  His main job is at a sports store; he does Uber for some extra cash.  Vic has Stu drive all over town looking for the next clue that will lead them to their target.  I doubt very much that any police department would allow an officer to put a civilian in the line of fire like this, to say nothing of paying for it.  But, here Stu is, desperately hoping for a five-star rating.

The main problem with the story is that there isn’t much of one.  Movies like Beverly Hills Cop had a pretty solid storyline.  This looked like someone wanted to see how closely they could stick to a template and still get greenlit.  I’d worry about giving away the plot, but anyone watching the movie could probably guess what’s coming next.

For instance, there are two running gags: Stu’s rating and Vic’s eyesight.  The entire reason Vic can string Stu along is the threat of a low rating.  (Stu states that dropping below a 4.0 average gets him kicked off the app.  I don’t know if this is true.)  The entire reason Vic even needs someone is that he literally can‘t see well past his nose.  There’s also Stu’s friend, Becca, who constantly calls him to hook up.  Stu promises that he’ll be right there, thinking that Vic couldn’t possibly need him that much longer.

The funny thing is that the movie doesn’t really feel like a rip off of a particular movie.  It’s more like the most basic entry possible into the genre.  This puts me in the awkward position of sort of liking it because I can’t find any particular fault with it.  It hit many of the marks, but was also kind of basic.

Vic and Stu get into a fight at the sporting-goods store, which sort of deals with toxic masculinity, but doesn’t do a great job of it.  Vic is also not a great father to his daughter, Nicole.  She’s thoughtful enough to put the app on her father’s phone.  Vic isn’t thoughtful enough to try to make it to his daughter’s art opening.  (He winds up there by chance.)

When I left the movie, I felt entertained.  However, it didn’t really have anything new or clever about it.  This isn’t going to make my list of top-ten police movies.  I don’t think it will make any of my top-ten lists.  It’s the kind of movie I’d tell you to rent if your Netflix queue is running low or Redbox is out of your first choice.  It’s probably going to be better than watching nothing, but I don’t expect you’d rent it a second time.

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Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

If you’re going to wait 35 years to do a sequel, you want to make sure you get it right.  It’s often difficult to get a story that flows naturally from the first.  In some cases, like the Terminator movies, it works.  The first two movies of that franchise were originally envisioned as one script.  Back to the Future was supposed to be a standalone movie.  Its success spawned two sequels that happened to work.  Then, you have cases where the sequels are little more than a basic rewrite of the first.  (Yes, Home Alone 2.  I’m looking at you.)

Bladrunner 2049 is sort of an odd sequel.  It doesn’t exactly continue the story of the first movie.  Instead, it draws from it.  It’s a new story that might have run parallel except that it takes place three decades after the first movie.  A title card tells us that Tyrell Corporation went bankrupt and eventually acquired by a new company.  For those that don’t recall, Tyrell made the  Replicant bad guys in the original movie.  The new company has made better Replicants.  They don’t start uprisings.

KD9-3.7 is just such a Replicant.  In fact, he’s a blade runner, exactly like Deckard was.  After retiring (killing) a Replicant, he discovers a box.  Inside the box could upend everything about Replicants.  K is given the task of burying everything about the box and its contents, lest stars implode and civilizations collapse.

Like many futuristic dystopian movies, it’s never that simple.  It all comes back to Rick Deckard and the aftermath of the original movie.  You may recall that Deckard ran off with Rachael, who he had discovered was artificial.  Much of Bladerunner 2049 is original.  You get a cameo from Edward James Olmos and even Sean Young.  However, Ryan Gosling is carrying most of of the movie.  Harrison Ford doesn’t even show up until pretty late in the movie.

This isn’t to say I was disappointed with the movie.  There were some throwbacks, like the music.  (This is a world where Atari is still a major player, apparently.)  The movie doesn’t go overboard with this.  The appearance of Gaff and Rachael make sense in the context of the movie.  Wouldn’t you want to talk to someone who knew Deckard?

The movie is still about what it means to be free and what it means to be real, although the narrative is a little different.  K has a regular job with the police, but he still has to go through testing.  (Replicants have much longer life spans; the tradeoff is muted emotions.)  Things go off the rails for him when he fails a test.  His lieutenant is sympathetic, but there’s only so much she can do.

Then, there’s K’s ‘girlfriend’, who just happens to be a hologram.  If K is more (or less) human than human, what does that make Joi?  Is she any less programmed than him?  (Do holograms dream of Replicant sheep?)  It gets a little complicated, to say the least.  He’s able to buy her freedom via a portable emitter, but at what cost?  She can be a liability just as much as he can.

The movie is somewhat long at 2:44.  I had caught it back on a flight back to the United States from Shanghai.  A long running time was a virtue here.  It might not be so for everyone, though.  Make sure you have a solid chunk of time to watch it.

The movie was about as dark as the original.  If you’ve seen Bladerunner there shouldn’t be any surprises in terms of the movie’s tone.  It’s still dark.  It’s just violent and sexual enough that parents should probably use some discretion.  It’s not going to be for everyone, but I’d say that your enjoyment of the first movie is probably going to be a good indicator of whether or not you’ll like this one.

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