Bloody Tease 2D & 3D

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

I really have to stop getting these movies that have plots in them. It’s not that I don’t like a good story. It’s simply that I have other priorities when I get an adult movie. (At least, movies that I think are adult movies.) Usually, the plot isn’t that developed, the acting is bad and what little the movie has to offer simply distracts from those other priorities. I got Bloody Tease for that and one other reason: There was a 3-D version, which I’ll get to later.

First, I want to talk about that plot which barely exists. It seems that three vampires have set up a strip club to lure college-aged men. Once they have some ‘clients’ inside the club, the three vampires feed on them. (For some reason, they really like college students.) They move on when they’ve had their fill of the local selection, or at least when they’ve been found out. (It seems as though somewhere along the way, they’ve made enemies.)

One day, three friends decide to bring the vampires home for a little ‘private entertainment’, only to discover that they have to fight for their lives or something like that. The truth is that I didn’t really get that far. This was a horrible movie in pretty much every respect. The acting was the typical bad-acting acting. The script and plot were really, really bad. The strip club looked like an abandoned warehouse. Everything was horrible.

I also made the mistake of thinking that this was an adult movie. It has sexual themes and vampires are erotic, but what sexuality there was tended to be spread out and the vampire makeup wasn’t that great. Add to that the fact that the women weren’t supermodels. Yes, they were attractive, but they’re not that attractive. Also, I can’t seem to find them in any other movie anywhere. (If a movie’s main cast hasn’t been in any other movies, that alone should tell you something.)

As for this 3-D business, I saw that the movie came in the standard 2-D version plus a 3-D version. The DVD didn’t come with any 3-D glasses. I thought that I had some 3-D glasses around my house somewhere, but I was too lazy to go digging through everything to find them, especially considering what I thought of the 2-D version. The 3-D version was a nice bonus, but I never got around to using it.

There were no extras. I really shouldn’t complain about that, though. I can’t see there really being any need. It might have been fun to see the thought process behind the plot. (“Well, we were at this strip club and one of the strippers looked like a vampire…”) If there had been any extras, I don’t think that they would have been that substantial. Overall, this is a bad investment. I’m sorry that I paid anything for it. 

IMDb page

Akira (1988)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

 

It’s been said that you can do a lot more with animation than you can do in real life because animation has a leveling effect on the special effects.. This is evident in films such as Akira. Let’s face it; the movie starts out with a nuclear explosion in Tokyo. The result is Neo Tokyo. 30 years have passed since the explosion. (The bulk of the movie takes place in 2019.)

Biker gangs are everywhere. The police go after them, but there are always more. In the beginning of the movie, one gang is chasing after another. As soon as the police show up, they scatter. Still, one gang member wants to chase down another. One thing leads to another, which in turn leads to an accident. Tetsuo (the one doing the chasing) is taken away in a helicopter. None of his fellow gang members can figure out where he’s been taken or what happened to him.

Tetsuo is taken to a secret research facility where experiments are done on him. (These experiments are related to what happened in Tokyo in 1989, but you don’t find out how until much later in the movie.) The experiments have very serious consequences, including hallucinations and the development of incredible powers. Tetsuo doesn’t understand what’s happening to him or what kind of power he has.

It’s really hard to go into the plot from there for two reasons. First, it’s way too complicated to explain. Second, I’d also have to give out a lot of the plot twists. It’s better to just watch the movie. I have to warn you that it’s a very violent movie with disturbing visuals. I should point out that this is not a movie for children unless they like having nightmares. In one scene, you get to see a giant teddy bear with liquid pouring out of it and Tetsuo is terrified of it for good reason. I’d say the movie is more appropriate for those of high-school age or older.

The movie is a good movie for several different reasons. First, the animation is great despite the fact that the movie was made in 1988. (I was going into middle school the summer this movie was released in Japan.) Also, it’s a great story. Yes, you’re thinking that animation is kids’ stuff. Might I remind you of the last paragraph? This is not a kids’ movie. It’s a story about someone who starts out as someone the gang leader protects to someone the gang leader (and everyone else) fears.

From what I understand, there are several translations. Even on the same DVD, sub and dub are different. I’ve usually gone for dub, even though most people go for subtitles. I find that having to read subtitles is too distracting. I’d rather be able to see the animation than have to look down every few seconds. (One of these days, though, I’m going to learn Japanese.)

The movie gets five stars. I would recommend this, but to older audiences. I couldn’t see a small child watching this and coming out ok. Even for an adult, you have to be used to disturbing stuff.

IMDb page

Official Site {Japan]

The Gate (1987)

There are some movies that can withstand the test of time.  They have a quality that allows them to be understood and enjoyed equally by any generation.  Such movies can be watched and rewatched and never lose their appeal.  The Gate is not such a movie.

The movie starts with a boy named Glen returning home to find it abandoned.  It looks like his family left mid meal.  He goes to his tree house, which is promptly hit by lightening.  He awakens to find it was just a nightmare.  When he looks out of his window, he sees said tree being cut down, leaving a geode exposed.  Glen and his friend, Terry, manage to dig it back up after the workers burry it.  Glen’s parents are going out of town for the weekend.  In their absence, Glen’s sister, Alexandra, will be in charge.  (This basically means that Alexandra will be inviting her obnoxious friends over.)

If you’ve seen a lot of mid-budget horror movies, you’re probably wondering by now what could possibly go wrong.  Well, the hole that’s been reopened by the boys happens to be a portal to a netherworld.  Inside the geode is a set of instructions meant to let a demon and its minions through to our plane.  It just so happens that Glen and Terry manage to set off a series of bizarre and horrifying events.

When I say horrifying, remember that this is a 1987 movie.  It’s not for small children, but it’s not particularly nightmare inducing, either.  (Teens on up should be fine.)  Those that grew up on more modern movies will probably find the effects and the scary parts laughable.  The scariest thing is a large demon coming out of the floor.

There are also some things that would be either cliché or lost on today’s audiences, such as playing a vinyl record backwards for a satanic/subliminal message.  You don’t really hear about that much any more.  (I guess it wouldn’t be hard to play an MP3 backwards, but still…)  I also find it odd that there’s always exactly one character that knows exactly what do to.  It just so happens that Terry knows all about the portal.  This is because he has a record made by a band that had previous dealings with the portal.  This one and only album has liner notes with very helpful instructions.

Also, despite the characters’ best efforts, various requisite acts, such as offering blood, occur either accidentally or without the main characters’ knowledge.  I don’t want to give away too much, in case you want to experience the movie for yourself, but when you have instructions on how to open a portal to hell, you have to know that every step will eventually be followed.  (How is it that Glen is even able to read the instructions, anyway?)

I vaguely remember seeing this movie when I was in middle school.  I also remember a friend referencing the movie’s sequel, which I may look in to.  I don’t remember if I overlooked the movie’s shortcomings at the time because it was on par with other stuff of the era or if it was because I was 11 when the movie came out.  I’m not saying that it’s a total waste of 85 minutes. I suppose if you have just over an hour to kill, there are worse things you could watch.  I’m just saying that there are probably better horror movies if that’s what you’re looking for.

IMDb page

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) full movie

I finally decided to upload a public-domain movie to my YouTube channel.  It's one that I've already reviewed before. I figured I'd give everyone an easy way to view it.  If I can get enough subscriberws and viewers, I may consider posting more.  I'll have to see how it goes.

Beyond Suspicion/Appointment for a Killing (1993)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.  A few modifications have been made.

When you say that a movie was made for TV, it‘s not usually meant to boost people’s expectations about it.  I’m not saying that it’s fair, but it’s often right.  Take Appointment for a Murder, a.k.a. Beyond Suspicion.  The movie is about a dentist, Stan, who has a thing for killing people for money.  Shortly after divorcing his wife, Joyce, he admits to killing someone, but in such a vague manner that she can’t really pin anything on him.  The next morning, Stan threatens that if she tells anyone, he’ll kill her or arrange to have her killed.

She does go to the police, but they don’t take her seriously.  Stan didn’t give out any details like names, locations or motives.  She does catch the attention of a Federal Agent Ron McNally, who thinks that he can link Stan to several murders.  What really makes Stan  a suspect and makes the whole operation possible is that Stan killed someone that he owed money to, which looked very suspicious.  (There was no proof, of course, but it was very convenient for Stan.)   Joyce agrees to have her house bugged so that the authorities can hopefully get some evidence.

Of course, it’s not that easy.  Stan is a cold, calculating person and would never admit to doing anything so quickly.  Yes, Stan does go over to Joyce’s new place a lot, but he’s not the kind of person that usually makes mistakes.  Plus, you’ve got Joyce’s meddling cat, who starts playing with one of the microphones, drawing Stan’s attention.  (I’ve always thought that this sort of thing is cliché and used only to add some drama, but I digress.)  Joyce does eventually get Stan to confess to murder on tape, thus sending Stan to jail for a long time.

Now, in this case, the movie does reek of being made for TV.  First, you’ve got those fadeouts every fifteen or twenty minutes.  Second, the video quality looks like it was made for the small screen.  Add to that the fact that there’s not much of a detailed story or character development.  (It’s based on a true story.)  There are three big names involved in the movie:  Corbin Bernsen as Stan, Markie Post as Joyce and Kelsey Grammer as Agent McNally.  (Don Swayze is the only other person I recognized.)

The movie takes place in St. Louis.  There are a few establishing shots of St. Louis, like the Gateway Arch, but the rest of the film could have been filmed anywhere.  The houses look like any other houses in any suburban area.  The streets look like they could be anywhere.  I guess one of the advantages of it being so far inland is that you don’t have to worry about coastlines.  (I guess it is kind of hard to put that sort of stuff in inconspicuously.)

I got this as part of a two-pack of movies a long, long time ago with the intention of writing reviews.  (The other movie was To Love, Honor And Deceive.)  Both movies were decent, but I really think I should have skipped these.  I don’t even remember how much I paid for them, but I think it was too much.  If you’re going to watch this movie, I’d recommend waiting for it to come on TV again.

IMDb page

Charlotte Sometimes (2002)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

 

Michael lives alone in the upstairs part of a duplex. Downstairs is Lori, a friend of his. Justin is her boyfriend, who stays over every night. The routine goes that after having sex, Justin falls asleep and Lori goes upstairs to be with Michael. Because of thin walls, Michael hears a lot of it, so he often goes out.

Lori visits Michael one day at work. (He’s an auto mechanic. He also happens to read a lot, but I won’t get into that now.) Lori wants to set Michael up with someone, but Michael won’t even let her say it. Not to long after, Michael meets an attractive woman in a bar that he frequents. She introduces herself as Charlotte.

Now, Michael is in an interesting situation. He’s interested in Lori, but Charlotte is interested in him. Michael and Lori see each other. However, she travels a lot and will be in town for a few days. Whenever she’s back in town, they hook up again. (At least, that’s the impression that I got.) The trouble is that there’s more to Charlotte than Michael is led to believe. I’m not going to say more because it would ruin the movie. I don’t really think that it’s necessary to discuss the movie as a whole.

The only major complaint I had was that there was no sense of time in the movie. I believe that it took place over the course of at least a month, but there was nothing that would indicate the passage of time between scenes. Usually, this wasn’t a problem, but there were times when it got confusing.

There’s a camcorder feel to a lot of the scenes, especially with the lighting. I’m not complaining, though. It was done well. I just don’t know if this would be a turnoff for anyone. A lot of the people I know have strange hang-ups about movies. I think it only adds to the feel of the movie.

As for the extras, there were two tracks for audio commentary as well as a behind-the-scenes/commentary video and another video with Roger Ebert. I found the behind-the-scenes video to be interesting, but I don’t usually go for audio commentary and the video with Ebert didn’t seem that interesting, either. It looked like the video was actually taken from someone’s camcorder.

Overall, the DVD gets five stars.

Official Site

IMDb page

Airplane II: The Sequel (1982)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

 

One of the advantages of renting movies is the ability to see a movie and its sequel within a few weeks of each other. With Airplane 2 – The Sequel!, I felt like I was watching the same movie again. Robert Hays returns as Ted Striker, who, in this movie, was a test pilot for the Mayflower I. The Mayflower I is about to go on its maiden voyage to the moon, but Striker doesn’t think that it will make it. The shuttle is riddled with problems, such as faulty circuitry, but the mission is going ahead anyway.

Those in charge of the program had Striker committed to a mental institution, but he escapes in time to make it to the spaceport and purchase a ticket for the flight. (It was sold out months ago, but he finds a scalper willing to sell him a ticket.) Elaine, played again by Julie Hagerty, is on the flight, but she’s engaged to Simon Kurtz, played by Chad Everett. Captain Clarence Oveur is back as the pilot, but he has a new flight crew. The navigator is named Unger and the first officer is Dunn, giving us a great scene where the three of them recall the chain of command during the war. (“Well, technically, Dunn was over Unger and I was over Dunn.”)

The plot is very similar to the first movie. As I mentioned, Striker finds his way onto the flight and has to win the heart of Elaine while saving the day. He has the help of the control tower, but he winds up the hero. The movie seems to have been made simply to string the jokes together. Some of them are obvious, such as Sonny Bono going to the spaceport gift shop and actually buying a bomb. Some of them are a little more obscure. During the scene with Sonny Bono, you’ll notice a poster for Rocky XXXVIII. There’s another scene on the plane where you will probably miss a sign that reads, “UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY”. William Shatner also appears in the movie as a sort of parody of his role as Captain Kirk. (There’s even a shot of the U.S.S. Enterprise flying by.)

There were no DVD extras in the version that I got from NetFlix. (It’s possible that there are other versions out there.) This means that you may be buying just the movie. If that’s the case, avoid it. It was almost like I was watching the first movie a second time. The only thing that was new was the set of jokes and gags. It’s good, but not that good. The movie gets three stars.

IMDb page

Frequencies/OXV: The Manual (2013)

Sometimes quirky works.  Not always, but it sometimes makes for a better movie.  Frequencies is about a reality very similar to ours, except that people have frequencies.  It seems to work like an IQ in that 100 is considered average or neutral.  Lower numbers indicate negative aspects like awkwardness and bad luck. Those with lower numbers also tend to be more emotional.  Those with higher numbers tend to lead a more privileged life, finding that good things just happen to them.  Those with higher numbers tend to be more logical.  Bring together two people on opposing sides of 100 and you get strange, dangerous results.  It’s also seemingly impossible to change your frequency.

The movie centers around Zak and Marie.  Zak has a lower frequency, but is placed in a school for those with higher frequencies.  There, he meets Marie.  Her frequency is so high that she can’t feel emotion at all.  Zak also has a friend, Theo, who is more moderate in frequency.  Zak has a thing for Marie, but their union can never be, as there’s a one-minute time limit per year imposed by the physics of this universe.  That’s when the bizarre and dangerous stuff starts to happen.

Zak is able to find a way to borrow energy from other people, which allows him to increase his time with Marie to the point that they can start dating.  Zak and Theo find that by using some two-syllable nonsense words, Zak can control people.  This catches the attention of an organization that kidnaps Marie and Zak, as well as a few others, and has them do further research and study.  It turns out that they’ve known about this for a while.  The details been lost and rediscovered over the years, with 1066 and 1760 being important years.

I’m not sure what to make of this film.  It’s one of those movies that is just obvious enough about its message (privilege and class structure) that we get it but not so forward with it that we feel like we’re being beaten over the head with it.  It’s a world where high- and low-frequency people literally can’t exist together.  There’s also the issue of fate.  Theo wants to build a machine that will let him know how the universe will unfold.  What would it mean to build such a machine?  Does it even matter?

A lot of these things aren’t really explored in the movie.  For instance, many of the characters are named for important people in our universe.  Zak’s full name is Isaac-Newton Midgeley; Marie is Marie-Curie Fortune.   No one speaks about their namesake, so we don‘t know any historical details about these people.  Certain things seemed contrived, like the use of an irony particle and music as an inoculation.

It’s one of those movies that I can’t really not recommend, but I’m not sure who I would recommend it to.  I was able to get it streaming from Netflix.  If you have Netflix and are able to stream, you could give it a try.  It’s not much of a loss at 105 minutes.  I don’t know that I would have gotten it if I had to wait for it to be mailed to me.  Would it be too cliché to say that watching it was my destiny?

IMDb page

A Tale of Two Sisters/Janghwa, Hongryeon (2003)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

There are certain movies that beg to be watched a second time. This is one of those movies. For that reason, I can’t really go too much into the plot, as it would actually ruin the movie several times over. I can give you a basic rundown of the movie.

It starts with two girls being released from a mental hospital after a traumatic event, which is not initially specified. They arrive home to find that they have a stepmother to get used to. Neither girl seems to like her much, as is to be expected with a stepparent. Things take a turn for the bizarre about halfway through.

Even having seen the movie, I still don’t completely understand it. I’m going to have to sit on it for a while and watch it again. This isn’t one of those mindless movies that you rent after a hard day of work. You really have to pay attention to what’s going on. Even most of the characters don’t seem to know everything.

I definitely recommend the two-disc set. I believe that there’s another set that’s only 1:30 in length. This release is 1:55. (I got as far as 1:49; I’m assuming that the credits round it out.) Not having seen the original release, I can’t be certain what the new material is.

It’s really the second disc that I recommend. There were deleted scenes with commentary as to what the context of the scenes were as well as why they were deleted. I found this to be very interesting. Also interesting was the feature on the making of the poster. The person who photographed it was speaking as to what went into taking the picture and what various aspects meant.

There was a certain hyper-real quality to some of the scenes in the movie. The images seemed very sharp in contrast with the rest of the movie and even with other movies. I don’t know if this was intended or if it has something to do with my computer. However, the entire movie does beg the question: What is real?

IMDb page

A Tale Of Two Sisters Trailer

Edge of Tomorrow (2014)

Groundhog Day was an interesting movie.  In it, Bill Murray played a weatherman doomed to repeat the same day.  It was a comedy, so I doubt that much technical thought was put into it, but I always wondered if each day went on without him being aware of it.  A similar concept was used in Edge of Tomorrow.  Tom Cruise plays Major William Cage.  Earth has been overrun by an alien that seems to know what we’re going to do.  It’s impossible to defeat them until we start inexplicably winning.

Cage isn’t big on seeing actual battle, but he threatens the wrong guy and gets sent into battle where he’s killed.  He awakens to find himself in the staging area before he’s sent into battle.  With no way out, he has to repeat the following day or two.  He realizes that he can use this to his avoid getting killed.  This is huge because this is supposed to be the battle that ends the war, except humanity is getting slaughtered.

Any comparisons to Groundhog Day are totally understandable.  Each has a main character that is able to repeat a specific time period and use it to his advantage, despite being in a situation that they‘d rather avoid altogether.  The details differ a little, but the underlying motive each character has is to get it right.  One big difference is that Cage has Rita Vrataski, who was able to do the same thing until she had a blood transfusion.  (She has an amazing win streak that’s attributed to a new suit, but you kind of know that it’s not really the suit.)  She understands what Cage is going through and is able to help.

There’s very little repetition in Edge of Tomorrow.  Whatever repetition there is exists only to let us know what’s going on.  There are a few clichés that manage to work their way in.  It seems that whenever someone is doomed to repeat time, they always start at a bad time.  If it’s not waking up to a song they hate, they’re having a door opened in their face.

The character in a time loop is also given limited options to get away.  If Cage were to wake up before insulting his CO, there would have been no movie.  Here, Cage wakes up on a base to someone calling him a maggot.  He has nowhere to run.  Yes, there’s one time loop where he goes to a bar, knowing that it doesn’t really matter, but Cage realizes that he’s needed.  (Note that there’s a similar scene in Groundhog day; Phil’s epiphany also takes place at a bar.)

There was one question I had, though.  If Cage is repeating the day, how is he able to go back before the accident and still be able to repeat the day?  His power comes from absorbing the blood of an alien.  Theoretically, the alien blood shouldn’t go back with him.  I suppose that if we can accept that he’d retain the memories, the alien blood going back with him shouldn’t be a stretch.

Official Site

IMDb page

Atari: Game Over (2014)

There are certain things that define generations.  Each generation grew up with certain TV shows, listening to certain music and having witnessed certain events.  I had TV shows like Alf to watch.  “Weird Al” Yankovic started releasing albums when I was growing up.  I also remember the Internet eventually becoming commercially viable.  Another major memory was the rise and eventual fall of Atari.

Atari is still a name in video games today, but has gone through several phases since I was a kid.  Way back in 1977, the year after I was born, they introduced a game console known as the Atari 2600.  This is back when video arcades were big.  Someone got the idea to market a console that could play those same arcade games, but at home.  Instead of giving their kids an endless supply of quarters and sending them off to the mall, parents could now just buy a system and a few cartridges and let the kids play for a few hours at home.

Many of the games were simple.  We started off with pong, which was an electronic version of ping pong.  There was another game called Adventure, where you had to complete a quest.  There were also a few ports, like Pac Man and Centipede.  Those that grew up with modern consoles will think that we had it rough.  Back then, just having video games in the comfort of our own home was amazing.

The Atari 2600 was the must-have toy when I was a kid.  Many of the games sold countless copies.  Atari seemed like it could do no wrong.  That changed with E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.  Howard Scott Warshaw was given five weeks to make a video game based on the movie, which he did.  The game was regarded as being so bad and unplayable that it led to the downfall of Atari.  Rumor had it that the game was so bad that the company literally buried it (in a shallow, unmarked grave, no less) before going out of business.

That’s where the documentary comes in.  A crew is assembled and brought to Alamogordo, New Mexico.  The city’s landfill is supposed to be the final resting place of these cartridges.  The exact number and location weren’t recorded.  For all anyone knows, they don’t even really exist.  Several people, including a waste disposal expert/historian, a former mayor and several city officials comment on the game and its fate.  Warshaw is also interviewed for the documentary.  He even gives a tour of the facilities where he worked for Atari.

If you were following the news around this time, you may recall that they did eventually find the games.  You may also know that there’s not a huge story here.  The documentary is 66 minutes and does seem to run a little long.  The stuff about the history was great, but it could have been pared down a little.  The problem is that there tends to be a best-or-worst mentality with some things and E.T. seems to be regarded as the worst video game, so bad that it single-handedly brought down an entire company.

I don’t remember the game being spectacular.  I recall my cousin being able to beat it in just a minute or two, so I didn’t really see any replay value.  Admittedly, the game was made to cash in on the success of a movie and wasn’t  really given the time that other games had.  A bad product is survivable, especially if you’ve had a lot of good products before it.

Most of the people watching this documentary will be people around my age that are looking for nostalgia.  It’s the kind of story that you’d read in the newspaper (another anachronism) and think that it’s interesting before moving on to the horoscopes.  This documentary is mostly unnecessary suspense.  While there was no point that I wanted to turn it off, it could have easily been cut to thirty minutes.

To focus on one game is a disservice to the company as a whole.  This was what paved the way for Nintendo and Xbox.  The truth is that things change.  I feel bad for Warshaw, who never worked as a game designer again.  This is despite E.T. being his only real failure, and the failure wasn’t even his.  I would place blame more on management.  A lot of good things came out of that time, including the Atari.  I’d rather remember all the fun I had.

Atari Web site

IMDb page

Impostor (2001)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

I remember someone saying that Saturday Night Live skits tended not to make good movies.  The problem was that you were taking something that did well as a short skit and trying to stretch it out into a feature-length film.  Blues Brothers and Wayne’s World both did well.  Both even had sequels.  However, there were a lot of movies that didn’t fare so well with the critics.  Does anyone even remember It’s Pat: the Movie or Stuart Saves His Family?  (It’s Pat was one of the few movies I couldn’t watch all the way through.)

We tend to have a similar problem turning short stories into movies.  Philip K. Dick provided the source for this one.  There have been other movies made from his work, including two based on We‘ll Remember it for you Wholesale.  (They were both called Total Recall.)  It’s understandable, given these movies and others like Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, which became Blade Runner, that people would love to get the movie rights to his work.  Impostor doesn’t seem to fare as well as the other titles.

The movie is based on a short story of the same name.  In the movie, Gary Sinise plays Spencer Olham.  Olham is a scientist working on a bomb to help destroy an alien threat from Alpha Centauri.  The aliens have a pretty powerful weapon of their own. They can replicate a person, give the replicant the memories of the original and send them off with a bomb that doesn’t assemble until the replicant is close enough to the target.  Since the replicant thinks that they’re the original, it’s extremely difficult to detect them.  Olham is suspected of being just such a weapon.

He’s taken from work one day and is about to be killed by Hathaway, but Olham escapes.  With some help, Olham makes it back to the city to get a scan that could prove his innocence, but that doesn’t work.  So, he makes one last-ditch effort to prove he’s really who he says he is.  I’m not going to say what happens, as there’s no point in ruining the movie.

I will say that this would have worked much better as a short movie or as part of an anthology like The Outer Limits.  This is primarily about Olham trying to prove that he’s not a fake.  This can end one of two ways:  Either he’s revealed to be Olham or he’s revealed to be the fake.  You could explore the aspect of what makes a person.  Is it their memories?  Is it biology?  Hathaway even points out that the aliens can’t copy a soul.  As much as a fake might think that they’re real, they can never be the authentic item.

The movie touches on this only briefly.  Instead, we have Hathaway chasing Olham and Olham trying to throw a few curve balls, many of which are kind of weak.  Olham takes an implant that can be used to track him.  It’s been surgically removed to prevent scanners from reading him, but he’s not shown to be given a new one.  I’ll admit it’s possible that only important people, like government employees are given one.  However, the government can still use it to track Olham almost in real time.  He gives it to Hathaway, who eventually realizes that he’s only chasing himself.

Notice that I described the plot in one paragraph, and a short one at that.  There’s really not that much to the movie.  The concept of what’s real and a person’s identity and nature has been done before and has been done better.  I don’t recall this movie being released in theaters.  It came out a little over ten years ago, in 2001.  This was back when I was going to movies more regularly.  Maybe it just wasn’t shown in any major theaters.  Maybe it was just that forgettable.

IMDb page

Elysium (2013)

When I first saw the coming attractions for Elysium, I liked the idea.  There was someone who had to go to an orbiting space station because they had what he needed.  I was wondering how it was handled.  When I was finally able to rent the movie, I liked it, but I was a little disappointed.

Matt Damon plays Max. Max is a factory worker in Los Angeles.  One day, he’s exposed to a lethal dose of radiation and basically written off.  He’s given medication to deal with the side effects, but he has just days to live.  This sucks, mostly because the technology to cure him does exist.  There’s just one problem:  It’s all on an orbiting space station called Elysium.

Elysium is where the upper class lives.  They get all the good stuff while everyone else gets to live in slums.  If someone from Earth tries to go to the station, their ship is destroyed.  It’s basically the ultimate gated community.  Max has basically zero hope of making it there to get the help he needs, but he has to try anyway.  He has help, but it’s still no cakewalk.

I can understand the movie not being perfect.  This is Neill Blomkamp’s second movie.  His first was District 9, though.  The problem with coming off such a good movie is that people will have much higher expectations.  The message of District 9 was a little more subtle.  Here, it’s more like, “We get it already.”  The movie makes too much of a point of showcasing the immigration and healthcare issues that Earth and, by extension, Elysium have.  Elysium has all the good stuff and the people of Earth need it pretty badly.

It was a good idea that wasn’t executed as well as it could have been.  I have to wonder why there were no medical machines on Earth.  You’d think someone would at least make a bootleg version.  People try to sell panaceas all the time.  In this future, it’s not hard to imagine that someone would have a fake or sub-par med bay.  It would have made for an interesting side story, at least.

I know most people will freak out if I talk about the ending, even if I don’t give away specifics.  However, that was really the only bad part for me.  I felt like it wasn’t as strong as the rest of the movie.  At least the bulk was relatable.  Max is in need of attention and he’s willing to go to great lengths to get it.  The ending almost didn’t seem to fit the rest of the story.  This is one of those movies that I may have to watch again to pick up on things.  I’ll probably wait to watch it with someone else.

IMDb page

Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

Beavis and Butthead to America is based on a popular TV series on MTV that aired around the time I was in high school.  The show focused on two teenagers that had little else to do than to make trouble at school, waste time working at a burger place and to comment on music videos.  They were so oblivious to their surroundings that the show was essentially a study in dramatic irony.  Many of us were sad when the show went off the air.  Then, in 1996, a Beavis and Butthead movie was released.  The masses rejoiced.

The movie begins when the duo's TV set is stolen.  Being the slackers that they are, their entire lives revolve around the TV set.  They have to find their TV set.  So, they set off to get it back.  Along they way, they meet Muddy.  Muddy will pay them good money to ‘do' his wife, Dallas.  (Beavis and Butthead take ‘do' to mean ‘have sex with' instead of ‘kill'.)  Having seen a picture of her, they think it a very fair deal.  Not only do they get to ‘do' an attractive woman, but they get paid to do so.

So, they're off to Las Vegas to find Dallas.  If you've seen the show, you know that the movie is going to be one long comedy of errors.  Beavis and Butthead have no idea what they're doing, or even what they're supposed to do.  They have no experience tracking someone down.  Amazingly, they do manage to find her.  They get really confused when she doubles his offer to do her husband.  It's then that she realizes what they're thinking and sends them off on a tour bus loaded with seniors.

The rest of the movie is Beavis and Butthead bouncing around the country not really knowing what they're doing.  Both are idiots, usually oblivious to their surroundings, so this is nothing new.  Throughout the movie, Beavis and Butthead are being chased by federal agents.  They manage to outsmart them entirely by luck.  Despite the agents' best efforts, Beavis and Butthead manage to stay ahead of them.

Those that saw the TV series will not be in for many surprises.  Most of the major characters are in it.  The movie doesn't have the music-video commentary that the TV series had.  However, a good part of the show was the total slacker humor.  This is the worst that teenagers of the time had to offer.  I don't know how the movie (or the TV show) would hold up if it was aired today.

Those of my generation loved Beavis and Butthead.  Most of the jokes required a little bit of thought, but were generally easy to get.  For instance, part of the movie shows Beavis and Butthead having their picture taken at various city-limit signs like Butte, MT.  Yes, they can be mildly offensive.  When a woman says that she's going to score on the slots in Vegas, Beavis thinks she means sluts.

For those that are a generation younger than me, I think you'd be able to get some of the humor, but part of it will be lost.  Yes, fart jokes never get old, but there are going to be a few references that were meant for the 90s.  I think at this point, it's safe to say that there's not going to be a sequel, although I do think there would be a definite market for it. 

IMDb page

Grabbers (2012)

As easy as it is to watch streaming movies, I had been putting off watching Grabbers.  I had seen a movie called The Host, which was probably how I found this movie.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to watch to similar movies so close together.  However, the only real similarity is a large creature terrorizing people.

The movie starts with a streak of light across the sky.  Three people on a boat witness it; it’s the last thing they ever see.  Cut to a police officer, Lisa Nolan, transferring from Dublin to Erin Island.  She’s filling in for the local supervisor, who is on vacation.  Her temporary partner, Ciarán O'Shea, likes to drink, which is in stark contrast to Lisa’s never having had a sip of alcohol.  Being that the supervisor is on vacation, they’re basically hoping that nothing major happens.  Of course, it isn’t long before people start disappearing.  Oh, and there are these strange eggs, too. 

What follows is pretty straightforward:  The strange creatures start feeding on the local population.  (They’re called grabbers because they simply grab and eat.)  It isn’t long before someone realizes that, like Lisa, the aliens have no tolerance for alcohol.  The locals’ best defense seems to be getting drunk, but that’s a stopgap measure.  Eventually, the alcohol will run out.  The people have to figure out something and quickly; it doesn’t take long for the eggs to start hatching.

This is one of those movies where simplicity seems to be its biggest asset.  The monsters aren’t complicated, but are scary enough to get the point across.  The solution is simple enough that it doesn’t take long for someone to realize what’s going on.  Alcohol is common enough that you’ll be able to find a lot of it nearby.  (Even if it’s illegal, it wouldn‘t be hard to come up with something.)

I can’t really think of another movie similar to this one, except a South Korean movie called The Host.  The Host was more of an outright sci-fi/horror film whereas this one is more of a mystery.  People try to figure out what’s going on rather than simply trying to kill it.

The CGI was impressive.  So was the acting.  (Being that it’s a British film, I didn’t know many of the actors.  The only actor I recognized was Russell Tovey from Being Human.)  I don’t imagine that it’s easy having to deal with a problem that isn’t actually there.  The aliens produce lots of little aliens that swarm the area.  The entire town has to be drunk and scared of something that they can’t see.

It’s an interesting premise to have to stay drunk to stay alive.  It’s the kind of thing that, if not handled properly, probably wouldn’t come off as well.  The movie could easily have been a bad joke.  I’d recommend watching it.  It looks like it’s still available for streaming through Netflix.

Official site

IMDb page

Wrestling Ernest Hemingway (1993)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

 

I had been meaning to see this movie ever since it came out. Way, way back in 1992, the movie was being filmed. Part of the movie was being filmed in Biscayne Park, Florida, not more than a few blocks from my house. I had actually wanted to go see it, but I had school on the days that the scenes were being filmed. Had it not been for that, you might have seen me in the stands watching the baseball games. However, I’m getting ahead of myself. Before I get to that, I should tell you a little about the movie.

The movie starts with Frank exercising in his apartment. It’s so hot that he’s exercising in the nude. (Don’t worry; you don’t see anything.) His landlady, who has a delivery for him, interrupts the workout. It’s a birthday present from his son, who’s supposed to take him to see the fireworks on the Fourth of July. (Frank’s birthday is on July third, so it works out pretty well.)

Unfortunately, Frank gets word that his son won’t be able to make it, as he supposedly has to work over the holiday weekend. Frank decides to go to the park rather that wait for his landlady to fix his air conditioner. Once there, he meets Walter, a retired barber from Cuba. Frank starts talking with Walter, despite the fact that Walter doesn’t seem too interested. He tells Walter about how he used to be a sea captain.

It’s a rough start, but the two become friends. They eventually learn to be a little more like each other; Walter loosens up while Frank learns to behave. It ends up being an odd-couple sort of friendship. The two even end up watching fireworks together, but it’s not quite what either of them had originally planned on.

I’m not giving away that much of the plot here. There’s a lot more to the movie, and I do recommend that you watch it. I have to admit that it’s not the kind of movie that you want to watch with your children. Frank curses like you’d expect a sailor to. There is nudity, although you don’t really see anything.

As I mentioned earlier, the movie was filmed in South Florida. Most of the movie was filmed in Broward. (The buses are Broward County buses with the “Broward” removed.) It’s odd to see so many familiar places in the movie. I had assumed (incorrectly) that there was only one little league game, but there were actually several throughout the movie. (It was really odd to see places so close to home.)

I give the movie four stars. Everything about this movie was great from the acting to the story. The only reason that I hadn’t rented it earlier is that it’s never been released on DVD. (I would have rented it from NetFlix by now if it had.) You’re going to have to find it on VHS. 

(Update: As of April 5th, 2015, Amazon has it on DVD, although it's manufactured on demand.  The link above is for streaming.)

IMDb page

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

Warning:  This review gives away major details.

I had heard that “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” wasn’t that good. Most movies based on something other than a book (or another movie) tend to be below par when compared to other movies. (This is most apparent with the Saturday Night Live skits that were made into movies. “Wayne’s World” was the only one that did well, in my opinion.) I think that Final Fantasy did a lot better than other game-based movies, but is still lacking in some respects.

I have to admit that the plot is kind of thin. It’s 2065 and what’s left of humanity is fighting these alien phantoms that came to Earth with this big meteor. For some reason, they like to attack people by grabbing their souls from out of their bodies. Whenever one phantom is destroyed, a new one appears, keeping the number of phantoms steady. Aki Ross is looking for 8 spirits that, when combined, will eliminate the alien threat (or phantom menace, if you will) permanently. The movie starts out in space, but Aki soon returns to what’s left of New York City to look for a plant. This is the sixth of the spirits. She still needs to find two more. She’s operating under the guidance of Dr. Sid. (From what I understand, there’s a Sid in every Final Fantasy game, although there may or may not be a connection between any of them.) If they succeed, they can eliminate the phantoms without any threat to humanity.

There’s an opposing views on how to handle the phantoms, though. General Hein has been working on this big mega-super-weapon called Zeus that could theoretically blast every last phantom to bits, assuming they can’t run fast enough. Sid and Ross think that this is a bad idea because it might injure the Earth. (Both believe in a Gaia, or life force, within the Earth and all of its inhabitants.) Hein, along with many of the other characters, think that it’s a bunch of spiritual rubbish and want to use the weapon. However, the ruling council decides to wait.

Eventually, Ross figures out what’s going on, due mostly to these dreams that she’s been having. What she realizes is that the meteor is what’s left of another planet. The alien Gaia and many alien souls came to Earth on it. She claims that they’re lost and confused, but they don’t seem to have any reservation when it comes to killing people. About the same time, General Hein gets permission to use Zeus to destroy the meteor. Ross, Sid and a few others have to get to the planet to find the eighth spirit before Hein destroys everything.

The story is interesting, but not really that involved. There’s no explanation as to why the aliens attack humans. Are they doing it to feed? Are they really just thrashing out? What’s the deal? There’s also little explanation as to why the 8 spirits are important. Yes, there’ that whole thing about canceling out the spiritual waves or something, but how do Ross and Sid know it will work? How do they even know what they’re looking for?

Also, there’s little mention of other people except when it comes time to kill a bunch of people. It’s also implied that there’s at least one other outpost of humanity left, other than New York City and Zeus, which is orbiting Earth, but no one ever says how many people are left or where they might be or what they’re going through. There’s really not much of a story beyond the main characters, and all but two of them get killed. It basically comes down to a peaceful solution versus a military solution. It’s a good story, but the writers could have done a lot better with it.

The big thing was the animation. The animation was fantastic, giving us characters that you’d swear were real at times. The auditory technology isn’t quite as good, so the movie has to use actors to do the voices. (Alec Baldwin voices Captain Edwards and Ming-Na of ER fame does the voice for Aki Ross. You may also recognize Donald Sutherland as Dr. Sid.)

Now for the big question: Will I recommend this movie? Yes, but I wouldn’t rush out to the store go rent it. One of the advantages of having NetFlix is that it’s a flat fee for as many movies by mail as I can rent in one month. (Blockbuster and Walmart are offering similar services.) If you’re looking to fill up your queue, go for it. It’s a great movie if you’re looking for a no-brainer to watch on some weekday night.


IMDb page
 

Knowing (2009)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

WARNING:  While I don’t give away specific details, reading this movie may spoil the ending.  If you’re not into that sort of stuff, now’s a good time to stop reading.

 

There are a few things that make a movie worth watching.  First, you need characters that you can empathize with.  Second, I think it helps if you can come away from a movie with a few questions, or at least caring what happens afterwards.  Knowing provided neither of these for me.  If you’re saying that it’s a bit harsh, you probably haven’t seen the movie.

The movie starts out in the 1950s with a class making drawings for a time capsule.  The assignment is for each child to draw what he or she thinks the world with be like in the future.  When the capsule is opened five decades later, people will be able to compare reality with the children’s predictions.  While most of the kids are drawing rocket ships and lunar bases, one is simply writing out a string of numbers.  The teacher stops her before she can reach the end of the page.

Cut to present day.  Caleb Koestler is a student at the same school.  Each student in his class gets a paper to look at.  Wouldn’t you know it, but Caleb gets the paper filled with numbers.  Against his instructions, he takes the paper home where his father, John, can look at it more closely.  Being that it’s just numbers, John doesn’t think much of it.

It isn’t until he witnesses an accident that John realizes that there’s something to the numbers.  If he breaks the numbers up in to groups, each group has a code giving the date and time of a major accident.  The thing is that the planet is a big place and the time alone doesn’t do much good.  After seeing a GPS unit, he realizes what the remaining numbers in each group represents.

The whole thing is confusing.  How could a little girl 50 years ago give the exact time, latitude and longitude or every major disaster since then, especially given that GPS wasn’t in widespread use back then?  Even knowing what he knows, how is he to stop the few remaining disasters that are predicted?  For that matter, why are there only 2 or 3 more disasters predicted?

It turns out that stopping the disasters is hard to do, especially considering that he lost fifty years because of that darned time capsule.  Yes, there were other children that made predictions, but no one listened to them.  (I guess spitting out a bunch of numbers was a bit too ambiguous.)  It even gets to the point where John has to ask why he was given the predictions if it was so hard to prevent any of them.

The movie is entertaining to a point and that point comes very early in the movie.  After about thirty minutes, I was just watching the movie to see how it ended.  John knows that Armageddon is coming, but how do you stop something that big when you don’t even know how it will happen?  This is where it’s difficult for me to empathize with the characters.  Once you realize that the main character is essentially powerless there’s really no point in caring what happens.

I wanted to see how the movie ended.  The problem was that the more I watched it, the more bizarre it got.  By the end of the movie, it was just like, “Uh… What the f___?”  For someone that doesn’t believe in God, it comes across as a bit too preachy.  It’s the writer’s way of telling us that The End is Near and there’s very little that we can do about it.  When the end finally did come, it left me with very few questions other than, “Why did I watch the whole thing?”

With most movies, I can usually recommend that you watch it if it comes on TV or you can rent it for free.  With this movie, I can honestly say that you’d be wasting your time and money if you got it for free.  I really felt like I wasted two hours of my life.  (At least I got this review out if it.) 

IMDb page

Official Site

Young Sherlock Holmes (1985)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

There are a lot of movies that I remember from my childhood to varying degrees.  Some, I remember very well.  Others, I think I remember sort of well.  Young Sherlock Holmes was one of those movies where I remembered a few scenes.  I could remember Watson arriving at a school in the beginning and Holmes leaving at the end.  I could also remember a riddle Holmes had for Watson about the color of a bear.  There was also Holmes hallucinating in a crypt Watson catching Holmes crying twice.  That’s about it.

The movie is about what it would have been like if Holmes and Watson met earlier than they did in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s books.  (Doyle never wrote about either character as a child and had them meeting as adults.)  The movie begins with a man having several hallucinations resulting in him jumping from a window to his death.  After the opening credits, an adult Watson is narrating as the young Watson arrives at Brompton Academy.  The one he was attending closed due to insolvency, so he was transferring to the one Holmes is attending.  The two meet and become fast friends.

When another man hallucinates and subsequently dies, Holmes reads the obituary and sees a pattern.  Scotland Yard doesn’t; both were deemed suicides.  The thing is that there’s a cloaked figure that’s shooting poisoned thorns into their necks, so we know someone’s really out to get these people.  When Waxflatter, the former schoolmaster at Brompton, dies the same way, Holmes takes it upon himself to solve the murders with Watson’s help, regardless of what Det. Sgt. Lestrade says.

Much of the material is new, basically using established characters to tell about young versions of those characters.  A lot of movies have been made about Holmes and Watson, a few of them even taking similar liberties.  We get a few in jokes, like Waxflatter telling Holmes that something is elementary.  Watson also buys a pipe, which he eventually gives to Holmes.

I was actually surprised by how much I didn’t remember about the movie.  There were characters and scenes that were entirely unfamiliar to me.  I think that most of the reason that I don’t remember so much of this movie is that I didn’t catch a lot of these references the first time around.  (Holmes mentions his brother by name, which you may miss if you’ve never read the books.)

It’s an interesting story.  There is that family-friendly feel to it.  There are a few fight scenes and very little blood, other than a cut.  Probably the scariest thing for a child would be seeing the men hallucinating.  One sees fire everywhere while another sees a stained-glass knight attacking him.

I was able to get this streaming through Netflix.  It’s one of those movies that you’re not surprised to find out it was released in 1985.  The picture quality is good, but was probably better when it was first released.  I’m not sure how much was lost to age or transfer.  (There was no concept of Blu-Ray back then.  As for transfer, streaming probably requires a good deal of compression anyway.)

One thing I found nice was the CGI, which was much better than I’d expect.  The stained-glass knight looked about as realistic as you could expect walking stained glass to look like.  There was the scene where Waxflatter was attacked.  The CGI there looked a little patchy, but was still pretty good.

I have to admit that my main motivation here was nostalgia.  I don’t remember if I came across it while looking at the selection of movies or if I somehow remembered it and looked to see if it was there.  Either way, if you grew up in the 80s and you have Netflix, it’s worth a watch. 

IMDb page

 

Happy Accidents (2000)

Note:   This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

 

I suppose that everyone has had their share of strange ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. Ruby Weaver seems to have had more than average. She seems to attract the weirdoes, like a heroine addict and someone with a foot fetish. Then, Sam Deed comes along. He finds Ruby while she’s reading in the park. The two start talking and it almost ends there. The thing is that she leaves her book on the bench; Sam returns it.

He seems like a normal guy from Dubuque, Iowa. He’s got a job as a caregiver for the elderly and doesn’t seem particularly interested in feet or illicit drugs. Ruby’s friends even like him. As time goes by, strange things start cropping up. Sam has no sense of popular music. He also can’t operate a record player to save his life. There’s even a bar code on his arm.

Ruby realizes that Sam may be in need of professional help when Sam starts claiming to be from the future. He claims to be from the year 2470 and even gives a rundown of history. Dubuque in his time will be on the Atlantic Coast. There are also gene dupes and no religion. He also calls asparagus pickles. The more Ruby finds out about Sam, the more she realizes that he’s not what he’s claiming to be.

I found this movie while looking for time-travel movies. Happy Accidents isn’t too heavy on the sci-fi angle. Instead, it’s more on the romance between Sam and Ruby and how they keep almost hitting it off. It’s sort of like K-PAX in that the main focus is on a few characters. As with Prot, you’re constantly wondering if Sam is a little crazy. You think that he may be telling the truth, but something always happens that makes you doubt the whole thing. For instance, Sam seems to have gotten his family pictures out of picture frames.

Those that don’t like time travel might be a little put off by that aspect of the movie, but really shouldn’t be. I think that it was a relatively minor point and actually worked well with Sam being just a little nutty. I think that a lot of science-fiction movies get a bad rap from people that are expecting flying saucers and little green men.

There was a sort of low-budget feel to the movie. It’s not that the scenes were poorly shot or that the acting was bad. In fact, one thing that made me rent it was that Vincent D’Onofrio and Marisa Tomei were in the movie. I think it was just an overall thing. I can’t place my finger on it. That’s not to say that the movie was bad. I thought it was actually very good. I’d actually give it five stars. I just can’t say that it’s for everyone.

IMDb page