Starcrash (1978)

Note:  I’m going to give away major details, including the ending.  If you’re not into spoilers, you may want to skip reading this until you’ve seen the movie.


Shortly after I was born, Star Wars came out.  A lot of things happened as a result.  Most of these things were movies similar to Star Wars.  Paramount was prompted to scrap a TV show to make a Star Trek movie.  Battlestar Gallactica was made.  There were other movies and TV shows, many of which have faded off into the background.  I might not have known about Starcrash had it not been for badmovies.org.  There’s good reason for that.

The movie starts with a ship looking for Count Zarth Arn, an evil-overlord wannabe, who has this weapon that can drive people insane.  When the ship closes in on Zarth Arn, it’s attacked by these red blobs.  Three people manage to escape, leaving the ship to crash and burn.  We also have two people, Stella Star and Akton, trying to evade the police.  They’re caught and sentenced to life in prison. 

Stella manages to escape from prison only to discover that she’s being released by The Emperor of the Galaxy to find the ship.  It’s pretty important; his son, The Prince of the Galaxy, the only heir to the Empire, is on that ship.  Hopefully, he managed to make it to one of those escape pods.  Oh, and it turns out that Akton knew all about this.  He has precognitive abilities.

So, Akton and Stella are off under the watchful eyes of Police Chief Thor and Robot Sherriff Elle.  (Elle has a southern accent, so I’ve taken to calling him Southern Elle.)  They manage to find the first pod on a a sandy planet of Amazonian women.  How do we know they’re Amazonian?  Who else would build a giant robot with breasts?  They try to kill Elle and actually capture Stella.  Stella is taken to their leader, who’s in with The Evil Count.  Elle didn’t actually die, though.  He’s able to save Stella and make it back to the ship, but not before meeting the aforementioned giant robot.

The next pod is on an ice planet.  Elle and Stella are once again sent out to locate the pod, leaving Thor to knock out Akton and reveal himself to be one of The Evil Count’s minions.  Thor’s plan is to leave Elle and Stella to freeze to death.  Being that Akton can see into the future, he saw the whole thing coming and was able to prepare.  In a stunning comeback, he beats Thor and lets Elle and Stella back in.

With Thor no longer in the picture, Elle is left to see Stella and Akton to the third planet.  It turns out that this is the planet with the mysterious death blobs we saw in the beginning.  The party survives to meet the natives, who subsequently beat the circuits out of Elle, leaving Stella to run and find this masked guy who can repel the natives. With a light saber, no less.  Oh, and it turns out that he’s played by David Hasselhoff.  This fact alone makes the movie worth sitting through.  Those that grew up in the 80s may remember a show called Knight Rider.  Seeing Michael Knight wearing just a little too much makeup and waving around a light stick is definitely worth the price of admission.

It also turns out that this is where The Evil Count’s weapon is based.  The party manages to find it, only to have the Count show up and set the entire planet to autodestruct.  Fortunately, the Emperor isn’t going to let his son die.  He has the technology to stop the flow of time just long enough to explain what he’s doing and get everyone off the planet.  (Well, almost everyone.  Akton has outlived his usefulness and fades off into a low-end light show.)

So, now that the Prince of the Galaxy is saved, the Emperor can get the business of properly defeating the Count.  This proves to be difficult.  It eventually takes a last-ditch effort to defeat the Count, thus saving the day.  Most of the major characters live happily ever after.

As I said, I found this through badmovies.org.  This is not a movie to be taken seriously.  You know a movie is going to be bad when the movie uses the same shot of space over and over again.  Not only that, the shot has way more stars than one would expect to see.  Yes, there are stellar nurseries out there that have a lot of stars, but I wouldn’t expect to see that many stars that many times.  Add to this the obvious use of models.  It’s almost laughable.

Akton was an interesting character in that he was obviously what’s called a McGuffin.  His only purpose was to serve as Deus Ex Machina whenever the characters got into trouble.  He mentions that revealing the future is illegal, which implies that they’ve had to deal with the issue.  However, it’s perfectly ok for him to see the bad guys coming and do something about it himself.

Then, there are The Emperor and his son.  If you were the ruler of the galaxy, why would you let your only heir out in battle?  You’d think that this would afford him some protection.  Yes, he’s serving with a military crew, but it’s a dangerous situation he’s going into.  You didn’t have to be Akton to see something like this coming.

Oh, and why would the Count destroy the planet with his megaweapon on it?  Did he have others?  He stated that the whole thing was a ruse to lure the Emperor to the planet, but that didn’t seem to go that well.  You’d think you’d have a backup weapon, especially a weapon that powerful.

This is one of those movies I’d recommend for a good laugh.  Very little is objectionable.  The only notable exception is seeing Stella in some rather revealing clothing.  I was able to get this streaming through Netflix, which meant I didn’t have to waste a lot of time or effort on it.  Also, it was made in Italy, which explains some of the poor dubbing.  (There’s not much, but it is noticeable in places.)  It’s not a great movie, but it is watchable if you don’t expect much from it.

IMDb page

9 (movie review)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

It’s not easy to predict what life will be like after humans have come and gone.  Sometimes, it’s by disease.  In many cases, we’ve all but wiped ourselves out, usually by way of nuclear weapons.  In the movie “9”, we built machines that turned on us killed every last human.  9 sentient dolls are left as the last proof that any of us were ever here.

When the movie starts, even many of the machines are gone.  Those that are left are running out of power.  The title character, 9, awakens in a scientist’s workshop alone.  He looks out to find another like him, but finds that he can’t speak.  He follows and eventually catches up with the other doll, who goes by 2.  (Each doll has their respective number on their chest.)  2 is able to fix 9’s voice.

Shortly thereafter, they’re ambushed.  2 is taken and 9 is left unconscious.  He awakes to find 1, 5, 6 and 8.  They take 9 back to their sanctuary.  He finds that each doll has their own personality.  1 is a pope-like leader.  8 is his enforcer.  5 tends to be shy.  6 is obsessed with The Source.  1 has kept the dolls safe from the remaining machines.  The others fall in line with him, usually out of fear.  (When they don’t, there’s always 8.)

What we have is a battle of wills.  1 wants to play it safe.  No harm can come to them if they hide.  However, 9 feels that action needs to be taken.  2 has been captured and may be in danger.  Yes, 1 has kept them safe and yes, 9 does create a fair amount of trouble that would never have happened had he listened to 1.  However, at what point do you stop playing it safe?  Sticking your head in the sand isn’t always the way to go.

I don’t want to give away the entire movie.  Even by animation standards, 79 minutes is short, so it’s easy to give away big chunks of the plot.  I will say that this is more of an adult-friendly movie.  I’ve said in other reviews that animation doesn’t always translate to kid-friendliness.  This version of the future is a dark and scary place.  Earth has become a wasteland with big robots preying on small dolls.

The plot is a simple one.  9 screws up a system that seems to work, but presents a case why it won’t always work.  He sets out to prove he’s right, screws things up and then has to put things back as best he can.  As I said, the characters have personalities, but tend to be one-dimensional.  With such a short time, there’s little chance at character development.  (The only thing that 8 is good at is pushing people around at 1’s command.)

The animation is great.  With few human characters in the movie, you can easily forget that it’s CGI.   This can also lend a sense of realism that may make the movie a bit more disturbing for children.  You have characters trying to outrun machines that are trying to kill them.  This does happen on occasion, and quite graphically.  I think that children would have a few sleepless nights if they saw this movie.

I did get to see this in theaters and had the chance to see it in 3D, which I really enjoyed.  Now that it’s on DVD, I don’t know if you’ll have the same option.  It would be nice if you did, as I thought it was worth it.  If the movie is ever shown in theaters in 3D again, I’d recommend seeing it there.  If you can’t get it in 3D on DVD, don’t worry about it.  It’s still a good movie.  While I’m glad I got the chance to see it on the big screen, I’d still recommend it on the small screen. 

Official Site

Official Trailer

8: The Mormon Proposition (2010)

Note:  This is a review that was originally posted to my Epinions account.

Every so often, I get the urge to watch a documentary.  I usually chose something on religion or homosexuality mostly because it amazes me how far some people will go in the name of one or the other.  (It’s odd considering that I’m a straight atheist.)

When I first came across 8: The Mormon Proposition, I decided to rent it from NetFlix.  As you might imagine, it’s about a proposition numbered 8 and was backed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, sometimes abbreviated LDS.  (You may know them better as Mormons.)  California had passed a law allowing for gay marriage.  Proposition 8 aimed to repeal that law and define marriage as between a man and a woman.  The Mormons had had some success in Hawaii with similar issues and had moved on to California, despite the fact that Mormons are mostly in Utah.

Surveys and studies showed that it was probably best not to advertise that the proposition was backed by the Church of Latter-Day Saints, so a coalition was formed to put a different name and face on it.  When Mormons were asked to go door to door, they were told not to wear the attire usually associated with Mormons.  The Catholic Church was also invited to be part of a coalition to put a more mainstream face on the cause.  Their position on homosexuality is different than that of the LDS.  The Catholic Church had to step out, as they felt that the LDS position was incompatible with theirs.

This left the Mormons to raise money on their own.  Since they had records of what members gave to the Church, they had a good idea of what people could contribute to the cause.  Since Mormons are supposed to obey what the leaders tell them to do, they would send the requested amount of money to a P.O. box.  As a result of the campaign, the proposition passed by four percentage points.

The movie did bring up some interesting points.  They showed how Mormon parents who defended a gay child could be cut off from the group.  Also, what is a group found primarily in Utah trying to take away rights from people in California?  They explained the Church’s position on homosexuality and why they’re against it, but I felt that the documentary could have been done better.  The movie ran for 80 minutes and seemed to have a lot of filler.  There was stuff on the suicide rate among gays in Utah.

The movie could have been done better.  It seemed like the producers could have talked to more people or gone more into the religious aspect.  I think part of my interest in documentaries like this is a need to understand what people have against other people.  I don’t think the movie did enough to really focus on that.

I have yet to see a serious argument against homosexuality other than a religious one.  This isn’t some guy going around on a personal crusade.  This is an actual religious organization doing this.  It seems so odd that one group of people would be so demonized that they’d be willing to put in that kind of effort.  I suppose every group needs their demon.


Official Web Site 

Church of Latter-Day Saints Response to 8: The Mormon Proposition

IMDb page
 

Nuance PDF Create 5.0

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.  Minor modifications were made posting it here.

When my father was looking for work, he bought Nuance’s PDF Create 5 so that he could have a PDF version of his résumé to send out to people.  Not everyone could take the files generated by the software that we had and there was no point in making up a nice résumé only to convert it to a text file.

He already had a résumé made up, but it was for Microsoft Word.  Some places take Word while Some ask for Works.   There were a lot of places that could (or would only) take PDF files.  When we went to OfficeMax, my father’s only concern was spending the least amount of money on something that could take what he had and make it into something that the potential employer could read.  PDF Create ended up being perfect for what he needed.

I’ve since had the opportunity to use the product while looking for work, myself.  I found myself using it for the same reason:  Most places ask for a PDF file.  It really is an easy program to use, but it is very basic.  All it does is take an existing file and make it into a PDF.  I'm not sure which file types it reads automatically.  You may need to have the program that you’re converting from installed on your computer.  (This may be an issue if you have several computers.  I'd recommend installing the software on the same computer as your documents.)

Installation was as easy as any other program.  Once installed, it’s very easy to convert a file.  Simply right click on the file in question and you’ll see the drop-down menu appear.  One of the options will be “create PDF from file” with a triangle indicating a submenu.  The submenu will give you several options such as standard, draft and confidential.  I’ve tried several of these options and the only difference I’ve noticed is that the confidential version has “CONFIDENTIAL” written vertically on the left margin of the document.

At the bottom of the submenu is the word “edit”.  This gives you the choice of several options, such as keeping people from copying or printing the file.  (You can either allow for a password of disallow the various options outright.)

Once the PDF file has been created, PDF Create won’t let you change the PDF file.  If you need to make changes, you’ll have to do so to the original file or use  PDF-editing software.  (But if you’re looking at buying this, you probably don’t want to get PDF-editing software.  You just want to get the cheapest thing like we did.)

There is a slight learning curve.  When I first tested out the program, I converted a few files to make sure it worked.  It does work, but it doesn’t work instantly.  The file will appear in the directory where you intended it, but if it’s a big file, it will take a minute or two to finish.  If you select the PDF file, you’ll be able to tell when it’s finished when you finally get a preview on the side.

I’ve been able to get it to work with both Microsoft Works and Microsoft Word without problem.  When I convert from Works to PDF and upload the PDF file to a Web site, the Web site has always accepted it.  I’ve also been able to get it to convert jpeg files to PDF, although pictures are easy enough for anyone to read that I only did this to test it out and see if it works.

The only complaint is that I haven’t been able to save Web sites with much luck if I’m trying to convert the HTML file.  The text will convert, but links will be lost.  If you have any images, the images won’t always make their way into the PDF.  It’s the only really frustrating part of the program.

The only way I could see this being something of interest is because you can combine several files into one.  If you select several files at once, you’re given a few more menu options when you right click.  One is to combine files as a single PDF.  When you select this, you have to pay attention to the options.  I believe the default option is to create separate PDF files.  You have to change this to create one PDF.  The start of each file will be on a new page.  If this is a problem, I don’t really know that there’s an option to fix it except to create one original file out of the individual files first.

When doing this, the other two new menu options are to package the files and to overlay the files.  Packaging the files gives it the little side display showing each document.  It’s just a fancier display.  The overlay option is just plain weird.  It literally overlays all of the documents.   I tried this with some text files and you get everything all garbled up.  Imagine if you were to print all of the files on the same piece of paper.  That’s what it looks like.  I really have no idea why you’d want this.  If you can think of a reason, please leave a comment.

If you need to create PDF files, but you don’t want to spend $200 on Adobe’s software, I’d recommend buying this.  It’s simple and it works.  PDF files are easy enough for someone to read.  All they need to do is get Adobe’s free reader, something else I’d recommend getting. 

Nuance Web site

The Island of Lost Maps: A True Story of Cartographic Crime - Miles Harrvey (book review)

Note:  This review was originally posted on Epinions.  It has been modified slightly.

The joke goes that men don’t like asking for directions. One commercial even went so far as to suggest that men don’t even really know what maps are for. It might surprise most people that Gilbert Bland went so far as to actually steal them. Miles Harvey started following the story when he wrote a newspaper article about it. In the book, Harvey expands on the story, including a lot of information on why maps are so valuable. Every so often, he’ll come back to Bland. The detailed information is meant to show why what he did is much worse than most people make it out to be.

Gilbert Bland made his criminal career by removing maps from volumes that were stored in libraries. At the start of the book, Harvey points out that really only librarians and map collectors were pretty much the only ones that cared. Map thieves know that the odds of being caught are pretty low and the odds of receiving any punishment are even lower.  Many libraries hadn’t even been willing to admit that he had stolen from them. In those jurisdictions where Bland did stand trial, it seemed that only one had a judge that was willing to throw the book at him and even then, there wasn’t much that the judge could do in the way of punishment.

You may be asking how Bland even got away with stealing maps. All he needed was a sharp edge, like a razor blade, and a list of which maps to steal. Once Bland had the maps he wanted, he’d put them in a jacket and simply walk off. Few people thought to look at him. Bland was described as having a very generic look. The only reason that anyone caught on to him was that he made the mistake of leaving a notebook behind. (In the notebook was a list of the maps he was looking for and the libraries where he was expecting to find them.)

I almost didn’t read all the way to the end. As I said before, most of the book deals with stories on why maps are so valuable and the trouble that a lot of people went through to explore areas and draw up the maps. There’s one part of the book dealing with modern map companies and the methods they use to tell when another company is illegally using their maps. (Apparently, modern espionage does still involve maps.)

It seemed like the book suffered from the same fate as many Saturday Night Live skits that were made into movies: It was hard to take something that started out as small as a newspaper article and make it into something as big as a book. However, by the end of the book, I was interested in what Harvey had to say. Much of the information is very interesting.

It’s hard to say that anyone would be interested in this. I can see a lot of people simply dismissing it as just some book about maps and never giving it a second thought. Even if you have an interest in criminology, I don’t know that you could necessarily read through the entire thing without losing interest. The truth is that the only reason I got it was that the book was selling for $2.99. Had it been at its full price, I probably would have simply dismissed it as just some book about maps and never given it a second thought.

The book is worth four stars. If you can make it all the way through to the end, you won’t be disappointed. 

Miles Harvey's web site

Keepsake for PC

Note:  This review was originally posted on Epinions.  It has been modified slightly here

Many years ago, while shopping in EBX at the mall, I was looking for some video games for the PC.  I ended up buying two games, one of which was Keepsake.  It looked pretty interesting.  For $20, it looked like it might be worth it.

The story goes that Lydia (the character that you play as) is going to Dragonvale Academy to study magic.  She’s expecting to be greeted by Celeste, her best friend since childhood.  As soon as you start, you’re greeted by Mustavio, a merchant that tells you how the controls work and what all the icons mean.

When you arrive at Dragonvale, you find the place deserted.  This is odd, considering that there should be hundreds of people there.  There’s no sign of Celeste or anyone else.  Upon looking around, you meet Zak.  He appears to be a dog, but he claims that he is, or rather was, a dragon.  He was tricked into drinking a potion that made appear as he does now.  Upon letting him out, he follows you around and serves as someone to talk to throughout the story.

This isn’t so much a video game as it is an interactive story.  Lydia and Zak have to go around and figure out what happened, doing a series of tasks and solving a bunch of puzzles.   Along the way, you have to interact with a few characters that you meet.  You do get to interact with Mustavio a few times as well as the ghost of the academy’s founder.  Interaction comes in the form of predetermined questions that you click on to ask.  (Think back to older video games that had no AI, but rather used the same manner of interaction.)

Occasionally, you’ll have some random in-game dialogue with Zak or a hallucination that furthers the story.  With the dialogue, it’s usually Zak providing useful information about an area or Lydia wondering where everyone is.  The hallucinations are memories of Celeste that give some back story, but not much.

I found the game lacking throughout most of the story.  What little dialogue there was came across as kind of corny and not well thought out.  Mustavio, for instance, was kind of like Mario when he talked and kept wondering where the students were.  Also, Zak’s voice varied in volume.  Several points in the game, I was reading the text rather than listening to what he was saying because I couldn’t hear him.

One big issue I had was that the camera angle was always fixed.  This meant that you couldn’t look around and enjoy the scenery or get a sense of where you were.  This proved to be a problem because I would often not have a good sense of where I was.  Had I been able to look up or down, I might have realized sooner that there was a quicker way to get to where I needed to be.

Yes, there’s a map, but it’s more for general reference than to let you know specifically where you are.  When you’re in a room, the game will show you which section of rooms you’re in.  It’s up to you to orient yourself and figure out which way you have to go.  As someone that doesn’t have a good sense of direction, this meant having to run around more than necessary.

This leads me to another issue.  The academy is big.  There are a lot of rooms and you often had to go across the whole area to get to the next puzzle.  I realize that lining everything up in a row makes for an unimaginative game, but there’s no option to click on something and just go there.

In the second part of the game, you have teleportation platforms, but they’re paired off, meaning that A leads to B and B leads back to A.  I’d often have to go through several to get where you’re going.  It would have been easier to have platforms that could take you to any other room.

Also, the video quality varied greatly.  The characters didn’t look that good.  It looked like technology from 20 years ago.  The backgrounds were almost photographic in quality at times and blurry at others.  I don’t want to say that the designers could have done better because it does work towards a certain effect, but the characters could have at least been better.

As for the difficulty of the puzzles, that varied, also.  The first puzzle was fairly easy.  It was apparently designed to get you accustomed to using the game interface.  From there, they vary from somewhat easy to pretty much impossible.

Each puzzle gives you three clues which you can access with a question mark at the bottom left corner of the screen.  The first clue tells you what you’re supposed to be doing.  The second one usually tells you something more, like how the controls work.  The third will tell you a good part of what you need to do.  If that doesn’t work, you have the option of having the game just do the puzzle for you.  Out of a dozen or so puzzles, I had to use this option two or three times.

The entire story was difficult.  There was usually little or no indication what you were supposed to do.  I did fund out that if you click the question mark during game play, the game will tell you where you’re supposed to be next.  I had to use this a lot.  I’d probably have gotten as far as finding Zak and quit the game in frustration.  Because of this, I was able to finish the game in about a week.  (You’re looking at maybe 6-10 hours of actual game play, but it’s hard to say.  It depends mostly on how difficult you find the puzzles.)

The story wasn’t that compelling.  At first, you’re wondering where everyone is and you’re hoping to find someone other than Mustavio and Zak.  You get a ghost.  That’s it.  It gets boring after a while.  After an hour or two of game play, I was really playing just to find out what happened to everyone.  When I did find out, it was short and kind of sad.  (I mean sad in a tear-jerking kind of way.  I won’t ruin it for you if you want to play the whole thing.)

The game just ended.  For those that have played games like GTA, you’re usually allowed to continue playing in a sandbox mode.  With Keepsake, Zak tells you the epilogue.  This takes about two minutes.  Then, you get the credits (which you can’t escape out of, apparently) and you’re back to the main menu.

I’d recommend this only under two conditions.  One, if you can find it for less than $10.  Two, you should expect to play it as a distraction rather than as a main game.  I can’t say that I regret playing it, but I can’t say that it was great.  It definitely had potential.  This is one of those cases where a remake would be in order.


Keepsake PC Game Trailer

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (ebook)

Note:  This is a review that I originally posted on Epinions


Warning:  I’m going to give away minor plot details.  Those that have seen the movie shouldn’t be surprised.  I would imagine that most people know the basic story by now.  You’ve been warned.


I remember seeing The Wizard of Oz (the movie) on television growing up.  It’s one of those movies that everyone has at least heard of.  What you may not realize is that the movie was based on a book called The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum.  From what I understand, the book was intended to be a single story, but it was so popular that Baum wrote several more books.  After his death, other authors continued the story.

In this book, we have the same basic set of main characters.  Dorothy Gale is a girl who lives on a bleak farm with her Aunt Em and Uncle Henry.  One day, a tornado picks up the house with Dorothy and Toto inside and deposit them in Oz.  The House lands on the Wicked Witch of the East, killing her and thus freeing the Munchkins.  She’s told by the Good Which of the North (Glinda in the movie) to seek out Oz, who should be able to send her home.  She picks up the Wicked Witch’s silver slippers.  Along the way, she meets the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodsman and the Cowardly Lion.  Each wants something that the The Wizard of Oz could provide, so they join Dorothy.

They do meet with the Wizard, despite setbacks.  He tells them that he’s grant their wishes if any one of them kills the Wicked Witch of the West.  She sees this coming, but is unable to kill them.  As in the movie, Dorothy manages to kill the Wicked Witch of the West by throwing water on her, thus freeing the Winkies.

When they return to Oz, the Wizard is reluctant to honor the agreement.  Toto knocks over a screen to reveal the true nature of The Wizard.  The Wizard does his best to help The Scarecrow, The Lion and The Tin Woodsman.  He tells Dorothy that he has a hot-air balloon that can take them back to Kansas.  When Toto jumps out and Dorothy follows, The Wizard ends up leaving by himself.

This leaves Dorothy to find another way home, which The Good Which of the South may know of.  The party sets off to find her.  It turns out that Dorothy could use her magic slippers all along.  Dorothy returns home and all is well.

This is a children’s book.  You may be wondering why I read it.  I had always wondered how the movie related to the book.  When I found the book for free through Project Gutenberg, I decided to read it.  This is one of those cases where a lot was removed from the book.  The book takes place over several weeks, whereas the movie seemed to be much shorter.  Also, the movie treats the adventure as a dream.  In the book, it looks like everything actually happened.  There are also additional characters, such as field mice.  Dorothy and Co. have to cover a much greater territory and get to see a lot more of the lands and people there.

Since you can get it for free on Project Gutenberg, I’d recommend at least starting the book.  The only downside is that it doesn’t include the illustrations, but it does include the illustration captions.  This makes it a little frustrating, but I didn’t pay, so I’m not complaining.  (For those that are wondering, I tried to suggest the ebook version, but was told to simply post it here.)

I can see it being a little too childish for many adults.  I don’t think I would have read the entire thing had it not been for the movie.  I’ve also downloaded the next book in the series, but I haven’t felt as motivated to read it.  I may get around to finishing it, but it would probably only be for the review.

6ixtynin9/Ruang talok 69 movie review

Note:  This review was originally posted on my Epinions account.
 

What would you do if you found $25,000 in front of your door? Would you try to find the owners? Donate it to charity? Keep it? A Thai woman by the name of Tum is put to the test. Her company has to lay off three people and she ends up being one of them. Shortly after getting home, she finds a box containing the equivalent of $25,000 in front of her door.

Times are tough, economically speaking, and her hopes of getting another job are slim. The only problem is that the people that left the box in front of her door come back looking for it, and they’re pretty certain that Tum has it. She denies having it, but they barge in and look for it. These two people happen to be hired thugs; they’re not the kind of people that you mess with. Tum ends up killing both, which only makes her problems worse.

I’m not going to say much more than that, at least in terms of the plot. I can’t say that I liked the American version of the name. According to IMDb, the direct translation for the original title is Funny Story 6 9. The characters for 6 and 9 were placed so close together that people assumed that it was 69. When it was released here, it became 6ixtynin9, which I find to be just a little too annoying. I don’t like titles that try to be cute like that. The title comes from the fact that the number on Tum’s apartment door, a 6, keeps falling over, making it look like she’s in apartment 9.

The story is completely understandable. Who wouldn’t want to keep that kind of money, especially after losing your job? Things get progressively worse for Tum, but that too is understandable. There were a few parts that didn’t make sense. For instance, there was one scene where Tum was waiting to use the elevator. A bystander (who later becomes important in the story) points out that the elevator is out of order. Later in the movie, the elevator is working fine. There’s no mention of what happened to the elevator.

The big question, however, is why Tum didn’t get her number fixed. You’d think that she’d buy a screw or something to hold it up. Granted, that would have been too easy and would have negated the entire story, but it would have been nice to at least see Tum try a few times and fail. (I will admit that I’m probably that lazy, too.)

One major complaint I had was with the subtitles. Usually, they were fine, but there were a few mistakes. In one scene, the subtitles read “quite” instead of “quiet”. In another scene, one character speaks of a $13 note. I realize that whoever was translating it probably wanted the audience to know how much the characters were talking about, but it’s a little distracting to have to see something like that.

I’d still give this movie four stars. The acting was great. Also, despite what you might see elsewhere, Lalita Panyopas (who played Tum) was attractive. I wish I could find some other movies that she was in. I definitely recommend watching this movie.

Three Iron = Inert Hero

Note:  This review was originally posted on my Epinions account.  A few modifications have been made.
 

This is going to be a difficult movie for me to review. 3 Iron is a very different movie from what I’m used to. You see, the two main characters don’t say much. One character is Tae-suk, who breaks into houses. He has this method of figuring out which houses are empty. Usually, he’s able to stay for a few days, doing the sort of random stuff you’d do in your own house. He doesn’t steal much except for some food or toothpaste. In return, he usually fixes something, like a scale or a radio.

His method of picking empty houses has varying success. One day, he breaks into a house and starts going about his business, not realizing that a woman is there. She observes him for a while. Eventually, he figures out that she’s there. Instead of calling the police, she goes with him, staying in the various houses and apartments with him. This wouldn’t be a problem except that she has an abusive husband that wants his wife back.

I really don’t want to give away more than that. This is an amazing movie that I think you should watch without knowing too much about it. Everything about this movie was great from the acting to the sets. Because of the lack of dialogue, the movie has to rely on everything else more heavily, from direction to acting, all of which came together perfectly.

The movie is 88 minutes. I found that to be just the right time. I think that making it longer wouldn’t have been a good idea. I have to wonder how Tae-suk came to live the way he did. To go into more detail about anything would have been a mistake. Part of the beauty of the movie is that we’re still able to connect with the characters. (There are also a few parts of the story that are never explored beyond one scene, but I won’t get into that.)

As I said, there was very little dialogue in the movie, which pretty much makes subtitles a minor point. I really didn’t find it distracting at all. I know that some people don’t like foreign movies for this reason; if you’re among this group, I don’t think that you’ll find the subtitles to be a problem.

I would very highly recommend this movie to anyone. It’s a different hind of movie that really makes you pay attention. I could even see this movie holding up on repeated viewings. I’d give this movie five stars.

The Living Dead

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

Many, many years ago, back when I was working at Wolf Camera, I found these sets of movies for $7.99 each.  Each set had 9 or 10 movies that fit in to some theme.  One set is all Alfred Hitchcock movies.  Another is all science fiction.  This one is titles The Living Dead and has to do with zombies, vampires and strange cults.  (Or at least things that pass for zombies, vampires and strange cults.)

The thing that first attracted me to this set was that it had Dawn of the Dead.  This was a movie that I had heard about and had wanted to see.  I figured that I could get eight more reviews out of it.  (Nine, if you include this one.)  With that many reviews, it was just a matter of waiting for the right promotion on Epinions and I could make my money back.  (I ended up getting a few of the other sets when the store put them on sale.)

Well, I’ve finally gotten around to reviewing them.  Now, I have to review the set as a whole.  I don’t really want to write too much on each movie.  I doubt you’d want a 3,000-word review and I know that I don’t want to write one.  (Since I’ve reviewed all of the movies, I will link to the individual titles.)

This set has nine movies spread out over three discs as follows:

Disc 1:  The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave, The House by the Cemetery, Fangs of the Living Dead

Disc 2:  I Eat Your Skin,  The Last Man on Earth, King of the Zombies

Disc 3:  Night of the Living Dead, The Thirsty Dead, Messiah of Evil


The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave is about Lord Alan Cunningham, who likes to kill women.  He seems to think that marrying again will cure him of this.  It just leads to a strange and disjointed movie.  It’s more strange than scary.  Also, kind of light on the living dead thing.

The House by the Cemetery does have living dead that haunts a family.  They move into a house while the father finishes the work of a colleague who committed suicide.  It’s not quite as strange and disjointed, but that’s not to say it makes any sense.  Take the grave marker in the house.

Fangs of the Living Dead does have living dead.  (In this case, vampires.)  A young woman about to be married inherits a castle.  She goes over to sign the paperwork only to find out that her uncle really isn’t her uncle.  Also, there’s some question as to whether or not her mother is dead.  The movie comes across primarily as goofy.  (I don’t know how much of it was intended to be goofy.)

I Eat Your Skin was originally billed with a movie called I Drink Your Blood.  (I kid you not.  Check IMDb.)  The only likeable thing about this movie, in my opinion, was that it was filmed near me, albeit before I was born.  In this movie, a writer goes to Zombie Island with the intention of getting material for a new book.  He and his party get more than they bargained for.  This one redefines what it means to be low-budget.

The Last Man on Earth is the reason I got this pack in the first place.  I’d say it was worth it.  It’s one of two movies in this set that are worth the purchase price.  (The other one is Night of the Living Dead.)  The movie is about a man who seems to be the last human alive, hence the title.  He spends his days gathering supplies and his nights hiding from the undead.  It’s not a great movie, but it is worth seeing, especially if you’ve seen Omega Man or I am Legend.  All three movies are based on the same book.

The King of the Zombies is not even worth watching unless you want to get the review out of it.  It’s the shortest of the nine as well as the oldest.  In it, three men crash land on an island.  They discover a strange man in a strange castle with strange things going on.  This is another case where the living dead aren’t technically living dead, but it’s a minor point.  The movie is just plain bad.

Night of the Living Dead  is a classic.  Yes, it’s that Night of the Living Dead.  It’s the one directed by George A. Romero.  This movie does have actual living dead and is actually good enough to raise the bar for zombie movies to come.  This alone is worth the purchase price.  If you’re going to get this set, watch this movie first if you haven’t already seen it.

The Thirsty Dead does not involve anyone who is either thirsty or dead.  Instead, it involves a cult that lives in a remote area that drinks the blood of people to stay young.  They think they’ve found someone who is supposed to change the course of their special cult.  The only problem is that she wants nothing to do with them.  Ironically, one of the other women kidnapped with her does want eternal youth and beauty.  The shame of it is that she’s nothing to look at.  Neither is the movie.  It’s just plain ridiculous.  This is Mystery Science Theater 3000 material at its finest.

Messiah of Evil was somewhat decent.  It’s not as good as other movies I’ve seen, but it does involve some creepy scenes.  It’s about a woman looking for her father in a small town.  The small-town residents have some sort of infection that turns them into flesh-eating zombies during a blood moon.  The main drawback is the film transfer; it looks like St. Clair Vision used the cheapest one they could fine.  It’s worth watching, but only if you get it as part of this set.

In addition to the nine movies, there are three special features.  On disc one is classic movie trailers.  Disc two has vintage movie posters.  Disc three has a feature on the making of The Night of the Living Dead.  The only one I watched was the one on the movie posters, which is basically a slide show set to music.  I watched a few minutes, but didn’t see anything interesting.

I think the common thread running through all of these movies was that they were either public domain or had expired copyrights.  In other words, St. Clair Vision, who distributed this collection, didn’t have to shell out any money beyond what it cost to produce and ship the units.  Most of the movies don’t seem to have been restored at all.  I think very minimal effort was put into this.

If you find this collection and think (as I did) that you might be able to get your money back by reviewing the movies, I’d really think hard about it.  I only finished most of the movies because I wanted the reviews.  Had it not been for the site, I don’t think I would have finished (or even started) watching some of these movies.  Many of these are really old.  Release dates range from 1941 to 1981.  I’d say that all of the movies show their age to some extent.

The packaging was very basic.  It’s a plastic case with three places for the DVDs.  The only problem is that the back half has two holders that are arranged so that you have to take out one disc to get at the other.  It’s not a problem, but it might be a nuisance if you want to get to a movie on the bottom disc quickly.  On the back of the DVD case is a short description of each movie and the suitability for children.  Each disc is easy to get out of the case.

Interestingly, there’s a copyright warning.  I think all of these are public domain, so I think the only thing that would fall under copyright is the menus and maybe the special features.  I guess it’s one of those things that they have to put in just in case it ever matters.  I don’t really regret buying this.  I’d say that between Last Man on Earth and Night of the Living Dead, I got my money’s worth.

The Thirsty Dead (1974)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

There are some things that defy explanation.  Why do we park in a driveway, yet drive on a parkway?  When the Bruce Banner turned into the Incredible Hulk, why was his shirt ripped to shreds, but his pants usually stayed relatively intact?   If the line at the ladies’ room is always so long, why not build more (or bigger) ladies’ rooms?  Why is a movie that’s about living people who don’t have an urgent need for consumable liquids called The Thirsty Dead?

Actually, The Thirsty Dead has its own set of interesting questions.  The story starts with two women being kidnapped by cloaked men.  The men take them to a small motorized boat in the city's sewers.  As they pull away, we see a doll floating in the water.  (First interesting question:  Is this supposed to be a doll or is it supposed to be an actual baby?  Second interesting question:  What’s the point of showing this to the audience?)

Cut to a scene in a river.  The boat pulls up to shore where everyone gets out.  We meet two other women who have presumably also been kidnapped.  The men take off their cloaks to reveal that they normally wear just about enough to keep the censors happy.  The women are taken to a small village where people worship a disembodied head that’s floating in a red liquid.  All of the people are either attractive or supposed to be attractive.  (The movie was released in 1975; since this was before I was born, I have no way of knowing how standards have changed.)

Baru (the only male character with any lines) eventually shows them around.  The people there have the ability to stay young by drinking a mixture of blood and some super-secret potion.  Laura, one of the four kidnapped women, is to be The Chosen One who can show them a new way or something.  The other three women are to be blood donors to keep everyone young and beautiful.

Laura doesn’t like the idea of living forever if it means draining people of their essential bodily fluids.  One of the other women, Claire, doesn’t mind.  She’d gladly trade places with Laura.  Sure, you have to spend the rest of your eternal life with the cult.  Who needs the outside world anyway?  Laura convinces Claire to escape with the rest of them, which they do pretty well until they stumble upon someone’s house.  The people living there give the four women shelter so that they can call Baru to come and take them back.

Shortly after bringing the women back, Baru realizes that it’s not right to keep the women there and helps them escape.  (Third interesting question:  Why help them escape so soon after bringing them back?  At least offer some lame excuse like, “I couldn’t do anything with the guards around.”)  Claire gets killed in the process, which the other three women get over pretty quickly. 

Baru takes them as far as he can, but soon ages rapidly.  Apparently, straying too far from the village means that your immortality is instantly revoked.  The remaining three women manage to make it to a road and flag down a man passing in a car.  The guards show up just in time to eat dust.  This leaves me with a fourth interesting question.  From what I can tell, the guards left right after Baru and the women did.  Baru and the women stopped several times to rest, but the guards didn’t seem to take any breaks.  How is it, then, that the guards didn’t catch up with Baru‘s party?

In the final scene, Laura is shown with the police, who have a plane flying around looking for the village.  There was at least one clearing, which should have made it easy to find.  The plane can’t see anything, which leaves the police to assume that Laura and the others are simply making up the story.  The people in the secret village are watching through some sort of telescope, apparently happy to cut their losses.

What I’m left with as a sense that this was a deeply flawed movie.  The acting is marginal at best.  The women don’t seem to be all that broken up about being kidnapped.  There’s no kicking or screaming.  In fact, Claire seems to be excited about the prospect of being sold into slavery.  (Why she’s so eager, I’ll never know.)  In one scene, the women spot a plane going overhead.  One of the women tries to call attention to the group, but does so with all the enthusiasm of someone that’s been drugged.

This movie was part of a nine-movie set called The Living Dead.  I’m not sure why it was included in this set, as there were no zombies, vampires or other undead to speak of.  It really wasn’t scary or spooky at all.  In fact, it’s one of those unintentionally funny movies.  The head that the cult worships has one line and it’s able to speak through the liquid despite not having any lungs.  (It’s possible that the head used telepathy, as the lip movements didn’t really match up to the words, but it‘s not really worth debating.)

Another interesting question is why movies use the plot device of one character drawing a picture of another character without ever having seen them.  This almost invariably indicates that the character that was drawn is someone special to the person that drew the picture or that the two people were meant to be together.  I’ve never really understood this.

There’s no nudity or profanity, although there were a lot of revealing clothes.  (Trust me: revealing clothing isn’t always a good thing.)  Most of the women wear something similar to a bikini, but slightly bigger.  Many of the women were attractive, but not all of them were much to look at.  As I said, the guards, all male, wear what can best be described as cloth diapers.

I think this could have been a good movie if you had gotten better actors, had some more attractive actresses, rewritten most of the script and actually put some effort into it.  I mean, it’s a PG movie.  How can you make a decent horror film that gets a PG rating?  I guess that’s one mystery for the ages. 

The Last Man on Earth (1964)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.  I have made a few modifications here.

I first became aware of this movie through Epinions. I had done a review of Omega Man and decided to read a few of the other reviews, which mentioned Last Man on Earth. Both movies are based on the same novel, I Am Legend by Richard Matheson. When I saw a collection of movies that included The Last Man on Earth, I had to buy it. (I got this and 8 other movies for $7.99 plus tax.)

Vincent Price plays Dr. Robert Morgan, a scientist who is literally the last normal human on Earth. You see, there was this worldwide plague that affected every other human on the planet. Many were killed and burned to prevent the spread of the disease, but to no avail. Those that are infected become sick and die only to reanimate shortly thereafter. Dr. Morgan’s best guess as to his immunity is a bat bite that he sustained many years ago.

Either way, he lived and had to watch his wife and daughter die while his coworker thinks that everyone’s turning into vampires. Morgan dismisses it at first, but thinks twice when his wife comes home…after he buried her. He realizes that humanity may really be doomed.

For several years, Morgan has spent his days looking for supplies and his nights scared out of his wits, hoping that the 'vampires' don’t get him. Morgan finds out that garlic and wooden stakes have the same effects as in legend and the zombies also have an aversion to mirrors. (Amazingly, mirrors and fresh garlic are easy to come by, even after three years.) He finds hope when he discovers a woman watching him. If he can help her, there may yet be hope for humanity.

The first thing that I noticed was that the acting left something to be desired. Granted, most of the characters were zombies, but Vincent Price was the only one who seemed to give much of a performance. Even with the zombies, the acting seemed more rigid than one might expect from the undead, but I’ll get to that later.

The picture quality also wasn’t that great. The quality was good, considering that it’s a black-and-white movie from 1964. However, there were several points in the movie where the transfer was terrible. It wasn’t a major point, but it was a little distracting at times

I don’t know if this is to be expected from all versions of the movie or just the DVD that I got. The name of the collection I got was called “The Living Dead”. It’s from St. Claire Vision, which is known for distributing public-domain material.  They don't seem to put a lot of effort into restoring the movies or getting the bet versions.

Even though I liked the movie, I didn’t think that the story was developed very well. I realize that 86 minutes isn’t a lot of time to go into detail, but how was it that out of a total population of several billion, only one person was lucky enough to have immunity?  I always find it odd when exactly one person survives.  He also had plenty of food, garlic and other supplies. I would think that after three years, either the food would have gone bad or the zombies would have gotten to most it.

On that note, why was it that the zombies were so one-dimensional? All they did was moan and make a very weak effort to get to Morgan. The only reason they even seemed interested in Morgan was that he was unaffected by the plague. In The Omega Man, the zombies and their relationship with the last human survivor were both developed more.

Overall, I’d give the movie three stars. It was entertaining to watch, but I don’t think that the movie would hold up well to today’s standards. For what I paid for it, it was worth it. If you’re interested in this movie, I’d actually recommend getting Omega Man.

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Note:  This is a review that was originally posted to my Epinions.com account.

Night of the Living Dead is one of those movies that’s relatively well known.  It’s not a particularly great movie, but it did seem to start the zombie-type undead movie.  (Note:  The undead in the movie aren’t actually referred to as zombies.  At best, they’re “those things”.)  Sometimes, you’ll see it on cable or maybe even broadcast if you’re lucky.  I managed to get it as part of a 9-movie collection that had a living dead theme.  (When I bought it many years ago, I think this is the only movie I had heard of.)

The movie starts out with Johnny and Barbara, a brother and sister minding their own business.  When radiation reanimates the dead, Johnny becomes one of their first victims.  Barbara manages to make it to a farmhouse where she meets Ben.  Having just lost her brother, Barbara can’t do much more than scream and wonder when it will all be over.  You see, the undead want to kill and eat the living.

At first Ben and Barbara think that they’re going to have to wait out the zombie apocalypse alone.  Turns out that there’s a family of three as well as a couple hiding in the basement.  They’re more than happy to wait there, feeling that it’s a more-defensible location.  Ben waits upstairs where he has access to television and radio and can see what’s going on outside.

Through television, the viewer is able to see how things are coming along.  Police and the military are trying to deal with the zombie threat as best they can.  They’ve figured out a few things that work, such as blunt objects and decapitation.  No one really knows what’s going on, but people are trying to rekill the undead.  Since there’s a sequel, you have to figure that the epidemic does eventually end with at least a few survivors.

Night of the Living Dead was George Romero’s first film.  This is not a big-budget movie by any means.  The version I watched wasn’t great in quality, but wasn’t horrible, either.   I don’t know if that has anything to do with the original production or the movie collection not being able to get (or willing to invest in) a better copy.  I’m sure that a movie like this has been remastered at some point in the last 46 years.

While the movie does deal with the undead trying to eat the living, the violence shown isn’t that disturbing by today’s standards.  People that grew up on later zombie movies will probably find it pretty tame.  (It’s strange how movies from 40 or 50 years ago don’t have the same kind of ‘horror’ in them, even if they are supposed to be horror movies.)

I’m not a big zombie/reanimated corpse fan, but I figured I might as well watch this movie.  It was worth buying; I did end up liking the movie and I got 8 other movies to watch and eventually review.  I don’t know that I’d recommend buying it to other people unless you’re a big undead fan, but it is worth watching.  If you can get it as part of a collection like I did, then go for it.  If not, maybe you want to wait for it to come on TV.

Messiah of Evil (1973)

Note:  This review is reposted from my Epinions account.

WARNING:  In this review, I’m going to give away lots of details.  If you’re not into that sort of stuff, now’s a good time to stop reading.  Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

Low-budget movies aren’t always that bad.  Some turn out to be marginally good.  A few even go on to become cult classics.  I don’t think Messiah of Evil will live in infamy, but it is at least marginally good.

The plot is very simple.  A woman named Arletty comes to Point Dune, California, to find her long-lost father.  He’s not at his place.  At least this gives her a place to stay while she looks for him..  She doesn’t know exactly where he is and no one in town can offer much help.  She goes into a store that’s displaying some of his artwork, but the people there haven’t seen him in a while and none of his stuff has sold.

They direct Arletty to a man operating out of a hotel room.  His name is Thom and he’s documenting local folklore.  Arletty arrives while he’s recording Charlie, the local drunk, tell the story of The Dark Stranger and the blood moon.  Also in the room are Thom’s two ‘traveling companions’, Laura and Toni.  Arletty waits for the town drunk to finish before asking about her father to no avail.  No one has anything to offer.

After she leaves, Charlie approaches her and tells her that should she find her father, she should kill him and burn the body.  (Simply burying the body won’t work.)  There’s this legend of a Dark Stranger that was in the area 100 years ago.  He promised to return when the time was right.  One sign of his return was the blood moon, which would cause people to go crazy.

Shortly thereafter, Thom and party arrive at Arletty’s place to ask if they can crash.  The hotel kicked them out and they have nowhere else to go.  Arletty apparently doesn’t have a problem with this.  This probably has a lot to do with the fact that there’s very little to do in Dune Point.  It’s so boring that Laura decides to leave.

Since Laura doesn’t have the keys to the car, she decides to walk.  Halfway into town, she gets a ride from a strange man.  He’s so disturbing that it’s not long before she’s walking again.  She eventually reaches town only to find it deserted.  It’s late, but places do seem to be open.  Laura wanders into the supermarket, which appears at first to be as empty as the rest of the town.  That is, until she discovers some of the locals eating raw meat.  This is the last we see of Laura.

Toni is the next to fall victim to boredom.  Thom tells her to go see a movie.  Sensing that Thom wants to be alone with Arletty, she decides that a movie wouldn’t be a bad idea.  So, she goes to see Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye.  It turns out to be a prophetic title as she doesn’t get to see tomorrow.

This leaves Thom and Arletty, who eventually come to realize that the best course of action is for them to get lost -- quickly.  Only two things hinder their escape.  One, Thom has been shot in the arm.  Two, most of the town’s people are now flesh-eating zombies.  All land escape routes are blocked, leaving Thom and Arletty to swim to a nearby boat offshore.  Thom apparently drowns due to his injury.  Arletty tries as best she can to make it to a boat, but passes out.  She awakens elsewhere and is presumed to be crazy.

I think this would have been a totally different movie had it been made today.  First, we’d see a lot more blood and gore.  When Laura and Toni get killed, we see the zombies gather around them, but we don’t actually see the act of killing them.  The most we get to see is a bloody hand or something.  I think there probably also would have been some more on-screen killings.  The movie ran for only 90 minutes, which leaves some room to add in a few more bodies.

This isn’t to say that it’s a movie for children.  Both women are trapped and scared out of their respective minds.  There are also a lot of dead bodies and a lot of zombies to chase after the living.  The emptiness of the town really adds to the creepiness of it all.  I really think that the story of The Dark Stranger would be enough to give any five-year-old nightmares.

The film quality left something to be desired.  I think this is in part due to the fact that it was filmed in 1971, but not released until 1973.  I got the movie as part of a nine-movie set and I don’t think the people that released it wanted to spend too much money restoring the film.  It is fairly obvious at times, but not too distracting.

What was distracting was the constant narration.  When Arletty reads her father’s journal, we get to hear his voice speaking.  It’s not so much that the narration itself was bad so much as there was a lot of it.  It almost seemed like filler.  It would have been just as easy to have Arletty tell Thom about what he wrote instead.

Another thing I didn’t like was that the father’s house had many of the walls painted.  When I first saw the interior of the house, an entire wall was painted with a scene of a boardwalk.  At first, I thought it was the worst case of forced perspective I had ever seen.  It took me a moment to realize that it was supposed to be a wall.  There are also life-sized paintings of people, which tends to be a little freaky.  (I think this may have been the point.)

I also found it odd that Laura was attractive while Toni wasn’t so attractive.  Toni looked a little more girlish than Laura.  It seemed like Laura was Thom’s girlfriend/love interest.  I’m not even sure what Toni was supposed to be to either one of them.  It’s like the writers decided that they needed another main character to kill off, so they came up with Toni.  She was a little too giggly at times for me.

The movie does have a very low-budget feel to it.  Most of the movie is of one or two people.  When we see zombies, we do see a lot of them, but we just don‘t see zombies a lot.  (I think this was done to save money on extras.)  In Laura’s final scene, Laura is walking around a fully lit supermarket that has no people in it.  When Arletty is walking around town, she’s outside, but there are no other pedestrians.  Yes, it adds to the creepiness, but it is a bit odd.

The oddest thing is that Thom is almost always shown wearing the same suit.  According to IMDb, the suit was the most expensive thing purchased for the movie, so I could see the producers wanting to get their money’s worth.  The trouble is that it’s such a nice suit that it only makes it obvious how much he wears it.

I wouldn’t buy it unless you’re getting it as part of a set.  Of the nine movies in the set that I got as part of The Living Dead collection, this was one of three I’ve seen so far that was at least somewhat decent.  This one at least had a passable storyline and decent acting.

If you’re looking for it, you may find it under Dead People.  It’s not five-star quality, but I can think of worse ways to spend 90 minutes.  The only down side was the ending, which seemed a little forced.  (It’s like the writers didn’t know exactly how to end it.)  I’d give it three stars. 

Free Song Downloads

I just thought I'd pass this along.  I don't get much off of the movie ticket sales, but we're talking about two free songs here.  Who doesn't want some free songs?  It looks like it's good until the end of June.

King of the Zombies (1941)

Note:  This review was originally posted to my Epinions account.

Some movies are bad.  Some are so bad that it becomes their main attraction.  You know a movie is going to be well beyond bad when most of the reviews list the short running time as an asset.  I don’t know if King of the Zombies was that bad, but it came pretty close.

The movie starts with three men in a plane.   James “Mac” McCarthy is the pilot.  It’s his charge to fly Bill Summers and Jefferson “Jeff” Jackson over the Caribbean.  (Exactly where, I’m not sure.)  Jeff asks if this is the area where Admiral Arthur Wainwright’s plane went down, to which the answer is yes.  Mac is lost, but is able to pick up some sort of radio transmission.  They follow it and end up crashing on a jungle island.

In the middle of this jungle island is a mansion that looks more out of place than it sounds.  They knock and enter the mansion, which they initially assume to be empty.  They’re soon greeted by Dr. Miklos Sangre, who invites them to stay until they can either repair the plane or call for help.  He seems harmless enough so they agree.  Mac and Bill, both being white, are given rooms upstairs.  Jeff, being black, is told that he can stay in the servants’ quarters.  (Keep in mind that the movie was released in 1941.)

Jeff is almost immediately told about the local zombie population.  When Samantha, the maid, is able to produce zombies on cue, Jeff immediately runs up and tells Mac and Bill about what he saw.  Sangre reassures them that they’re not really zombies, but that does nothing to reassure Jeff.  Mac and Bill are finally convinced when they find an earring in their room.

Admiral Wainwright is actually on the island and Sangre is a spy.  Sangre is trying to use some sort of hypnosis to transfer memory from one person to another so that he can steal secrets and pass them along to the enemy.  (This also implies that the zombies aren’t really undead, but it’s not mentioned what happens to them at the end of the movie.)

In terms of scariness, the movie is lame by today’s standards.  The zombies don’t attack anyone.  They don’t even groan for brains.  I think that there may have been more strict decency standards.  Consider that there’s no bad language, sex, innuendo or nudity of any kind.  There’s very little violence and what violence there is tends to be very mild.  The only warning I would have for small children is the whole hypnosis/zombie aspect.  Some children might have a problem understanding it.

Another sign of the times was the racial aspect of the movie.  Sangre makes no attempt to apologize for having Jeff sleep in the servants’ quarters.  When he offers drinks to Mac and Bill, Jeff reaches to take the third glass.  Sangre denies him and takes the third glass for himself.  Jeff (and many of the other black characters) tend to talk with stereotypical accents.

It’s one of those movies you don’t have to think about and are probably better off for it.  I mean, who builds a mansion/castle/whatever in the middle of a tropical jungle?   There isn’t even a driveway or a walkway or anything.  It’s just trees right in front of the main door.  If you can get past the racial overtones, it ends up being a very silly movie.  I’m afraid I can’t give it more than one star, though.

I Eat Your Skin (1964)

Note:  This is a review reposted from my Epinions account.

I’ve been watching the movies in a nine-title set that I bought years ago.  I’ve noticed that most of them were filmed outside the United States.  One of the exceptions is I Eat Your Skin.  IMDb lists the filming location as Coral Gables and Key Biscayne, although there was some filming done in Miami Beach.  The reason that I bring this up is that I live in the area.  (This pretty much sums up any emotional connection I have to the movie.)

The movie starts in Miami Beach with Tom Harris entertaining the ladies poolside at the Fontainebleau.  He’s a writer that enjoys some level of fame, so there’s always one or two attractive women nearby.  Duncan Fairchild's agent/publisher/boss, decides to stop by to remind Tom that he hasn’t submitted a manuscript in a while.  Duncan thinks that it would be a good idea to go to an island in the Caribbean for inspiration.  (Duncan met some sort of duke or count or something that invited him to the island.)  Tom is a little hesitant at first, but agrees when Duncan tells him that the island has five women for every man.

Joining Tom and Duncan is Duncan’s wife, Coral.  (Coral’s main contribution to the movie is her annoying voice.)  They board a plane, but since Duncan doesn’t have the exact location, they have to waste a lot of fuel looking for it.  They manage to have just enough gas to land on the island’s shore.

Tom goes looking for some sort of help.  Instead, he finds a woman skinny dipping in a lake.  Just then, an Incredibly Fake-Looking Zombie with a machete approaches her.  Tom warns off the woman and has to fight the zombie, who has very good aim despite the fact that the actor’s eyelids are painted over, meaning that he had to keep his eyes shut.  (I wouldn’t be surprised if the scene involved several retakes.)

Fortunately, Tom survives long enough for help to arrive; Charles Bentley, the estate manager, pulls up and offers Tom and the others a ride back to where they will be staying.  Tom asks Charles about some drums he heard earlier.  It turns out that there’s some sort of local voodoo zombie legend, but the exact details vary depending on who you ask.

While on the island, Tom meets the beautiful woman that he saved earlier.  Her name is Jeannie and she’s there with her scientist father, who’s looking for a cure for cancer.  What Tom doesn’t know is that Jeannie’s father has developed a special irradiated venom.  If you inject it into someone, you get a mindless zombie.  Those funding him thought his discovery would be perfect to make an army.  This leaves Tom and the others to fend off zombies while worrying about how to refuel the plane and get off the island in one piece.

I Eat Your Skin is a project that began life titled Zombies.  When someone needed a movie to be paired with I Drink Your Blood, Zombies was renamed I Eat Your Skin and the two movies were released as a double bill.  This explains why there’s absolutely no eating of skin in the movie.

There are a few things that bother me about the movie.  First, the zombies are incredibly fake looking, which I think I mentioned a few times already.  The ‘eyes’ were merely painted on over the actors’ eyelids.  This surprised me for two reasons.  One, I’d imagine that the zombies were tripping all over themselves, thus requiring medical attention.  Second, the eyes looked horrible.

As for the skin, it looked like someone stuck dirt on the zombies’ faces.  It wasn’t laughable, but it wasn’t great, either.  I think the director said, “Hmm… I think that the funny-looking eyes aren’t enough to let the audience know that this is a zombie.  What else can we do?”  Personally, I would have fired the makeup artist if that was the best he could do.

The ending was a bit abrupt.  It was one of those movies that just ended.  It’s like the director realized that they had taken the idea as far as they could and just decided to let the movie end.  At the very least, I would have expected some concern.  Maybe have Duncan and Tom talking about how lucky they were to escape.  I guess everyone deals with almost being killed differently.

One thing I want to mention is that in Coral Gables, there’s a place called Fairchild Tropical Botanic Gardens.  It only caught my attention because two of the main characters have the last name Fairchild. I don’t know for certain that it has anything to do with anything, but I thought it would be interesting to mention, especially considering that the wife’s first name is Coral.

The movie is watchable, but barely.  The film quality is inconsistent and the script doesn’t really have much to it.  It’s one of those movies that you’d catch on a Sunday afternoon and watch only because you were too lazy to change the channel.  (Not that there was anything better on, anyway.)  I’d recommend skipping this movie if you have a choice.

The House by the Cemetery (1981)

Note:  This review is reposted from my Epinions account.

Growing up, I used to find a lot of the Asian martial-arts films amusing, mostly because of the low video quality and the poor dubbing.  Low-quality films like that aren’t limited to Asia.  I’ve been finding a lot that came from Italy.  I know that you’ll probably want some proof to back up that claim.  House by the Cemetery is your proof.

The movie starts with a woman going around her house calling for her boyfriend, Steven.  She discovers that he’s been murdered only to suffer the same fate moments later.  Cut to little Bob Boyle staring at a picture of a house.  His mother, Lucy, is telling Bob to pack his ties, but Bob insists that the girl in the picture is telling him not to go to the new house.  Lucy doesn’t believe him, pointing out that there’s no girl in the picture. 

Several months have passed since the double murder.  The reason that the Boyle Family is moving is that Dr. Norman Boyle, the father, is to pick up a colleague‘s work after said colleague committed suicide.  When they arrive in the new town, the only place available for them to stay is this creepy old house that looks just like the one in the picture that Bob was staring at.  Norman dismisses it as coincidence.  There must be a thousand creepy old houses in the area.

As if being located next to a cemetery wasn’t bad enough, the door to the basement is boarded up and the lock is sealed shut from age.  In a totally bonehead move, Norman decides to take off the boards and unlock the door, which he has to do with great force.  When he makes his way down there, he’s attacked by a bat.  This is no ordinary bat.  This is the Demonic Superglue Bat From Hell that just cannot be dislodged from your hand or killed by repeated stabs with a kitchen knife.  Once the bat is eventually taken care of, it’s promptly forgotten about and we cut to a new scene.

The Boyles also hire a babysitter named Ann that’s freaky in her own right.  When Lucy walks in on her cleaning up blood, Lucy rightfully asks Ann what she’s doing.  Ann simply tells Lucy that she made coffee.  Call me old fashioned, but if someone were cleaning up some dark red liquid on my kitchen floor, I’d probably want to ask more than, “What are you doing?”  Lucy’s apparently fine leaving it at that.

It isn’t until much later that Lucy gets hysterical enough to go back to the real estate agent that put them in the creepy house and insist that they be moved by tomorrow morning.  Lucy is so hysterical about the house that she has no problem spending one more night there.  If it were me, I’d take up at the nearest hotel in the meantime.  Instead, the Boyles go back home and apparently forget it ever happened.

By now, you’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with anything.  (Quite frankly, so am I.)  You see, the house once belonged to a Dr. Freudstein.  This was one sick, twisted individual.  He performed some tests that were so gruesome that he was barred from practicing medicine ever again.  Apparently, even though Dr. Freudstein died many years ago, he’s still haunting the place and he doesn’t like people trespassing on his property.

For some totally random and unknown reason, Norman goes to the cemetery where Dr. Freudstein was buried only to be told by the caretaker that Freudstein was never buried there at all.  (That and the cemetery is closed, so get lost.)  This is strange because Norman sees a plate in the floor saying that Dr. Freudstein is buried in the house, which isn’t unusual given that he died in the winter.  It is unusual because the area under the plate is in the basement and there’s no coffin to be found.  I’m sure that this is supposed to make total sense, but it doesn’t.

The movie is filled with all sorts of strange tangents like this.  There are two scenes, for instance, where Lucy is walking down the street and sees someone that she knows, but is seemingly ignored by the person in question.  In a very weird scene, someone walks by a mannequin and it suddenly (literally) loses its head.  The head just falls off for no reason into a pool of blood.

Also, there are scenes where Bob is talking to the little girl in the picture, but Bob is the only person that can see her.  She tells Bob to get his family out of there, but his claim of an invisible friend falls on deaf ears, not that he really puts in much effort.  Giving a warning makes sense, but why do those trying to warn someone always tell the one person least likely to be able to do something about it?  No reason is given why the boy is special.

As I said in the opening, the video quality and dubbing are on par with those martial-arts films I grew up with.  There are some points in the movie where one character’s voice matches up with their lips almost perfectly, but they’re talking to someone that’s totally off.  Most of the people’s voices seem appropriate.  The only exception was poor little Bob, who was given a very high-pitched voice in the English dub.  I don’t like high-pitched voices, so this really was a problem for me.

This movie has pretty much nothing going for it.  I’ve never heard of any of the actors, who all seem to have starred solely in other Italian films.  It has a very uneven plot, dated special effects and a substandard script.  There are too many questions left unanswered.  Why is it a big deal for a kid to be packing is ties?  Socks, yes.  Underwear, I can see.  Ties?  I guess that early in the script, they may have still been actually trying.

While I was watching the movie, I kept thinking about how it was a cheap imitation of the movie based on Stephen King’s The Shining.  You have a father that moves his family to a creepy/haunted building that they’ll be living in.  The child has paranormal visions associated with past tenants of the building.  The father takes an axe to his family member.  There’s at least one non-family member helping the family.  If you’ve seen The Shining, you’ll probably notice a few more connections.

I got this as part of a nine-movie set.  The only reason I sat through the whole thing was to be able to link to all nine reviews in my review of the set.  I’d only recommend getting this as part of a set if you’re going to buy or rent it.  It’s definitely not worth getting by itself.